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Issue 640
SNIPPETZ HAS ENTERED BRONCO COUNTRY... AND WE'RE STAYING! by Lindsey Harrison 
“You always want to have good balance. That’s the key to winning a Super Bowl. You look at the teams who have won championships, you got to have balance. So, to be able to run the ball effectively and throw the ball effectively is what gives you the chance to win a world championship.” – John Elway
It’s undeniable that the Broncos had an epic 2013 regular season. Records were broken, games were won and fans were reaffirmed that their Denver Broncos are the real deal. By now, the Seattle Seahawks and the Broncos have faced off in Super Bowl XLVIII and win or lose, our hometown heroes have had an incredible season. But Snippetz had to know, where did it all begin, how did it all start and what did it take for the Broncos to get to where they are now? But besides that, what are some cool facts about this obviously cool team? Read on because Snippetz has done some digging and found out some pretty great information about the Denver Broncos! Humble Beginnings The Denver Broncos were founded on Aug. 14, 1959 by Bob Howsam, a minor league baseball owner who was awarded the charter franchise, and were initially part of the American Football League. The team played the first-ever AFL game against the Boston Patriots on Sept. 9, 1960 and pulled off a 13-10 win. Winning seasons were not on the agenda for the Broncos during the 60s, however and the team walked away from that decade with a 39-97-4 record. In fact, throughout the entire 10-year AFL history, the Broncos were the only original team never to have a winning season. The Broncos were also the only original AFL team never to play in the title game. The team ran into some turmoil in 1965 when the franchise was almost lost but a local ownership group swooped in and took control of the team, rebuilding it. In 1967, the team signed “Franchise” Floyd Little who was a key player in helping the team stay in Denver. That same year, on Aug. 5, 1967, became the first AFL team to play a National Football League team and pull off a win, after defeating the Detroit Lions 13-7 in a preseason game. Hitting their Stride The Broncos joined the NFL in the AFL-NFL merger of 1970 and three years later, after hiring former Stanford University coach John Ralston as their head coach the prior year, the Broncos achieved their first winning season. They walked away with a record of 7-5-2. Ralston helped the team achieve two more winning seasons while he was there and finished out the 1976 season with a 9-5 record. Even though he had led the team to their only winning seasons in the franchise’s history, several prominent players made their not-so-good feelings known about Ralston and he soon resigned. In 1977 the Broncos made their first playoff appearance. They were led by Red Miller, the “Orange Crush Defense” and quarterback Craig Morton and managed to make it to their first Super Bowl appearance where they played, and were ultimately defeated by the Dallas Cowboys, 27-10. Enter John Elway John Elway played college football at Stanford before coming to the Broncos. But they didn’t initially had dibs on him. In fact, in 1983, Elway was chosen as the first pick of the draft by the Baltimore Colts. But Elway, who had also been drafted by the New York Yankees as a center-fielder, said he would rather play baseball than football unless he was traded to a team he preferred better and the Denver Broncos just happened to be one of those teams. Prior to acquiring Elway, the Broncos had featured 24 different starting quarterbacks in the 23 seasons they had been in existence. Elway stayed on with the Broncos from 1983 to 1999, led them to five Super Bowls, two of which they won back-to-back, before he retired. After Elway Brian Griese took over as the Broncos quarterback in 1999 following Elway’s retirement but didn’t have a very successful season, ending it with a 6-10 record. Jake Plummer replaced Griese in 2003 and was relatively successful, leading the team to two consecutive 10-6 seasons. In 2005, they made it to the playoffs and were able to hold off the defending Super Bowl champions, the New England Patriots, from becoming the first team in NFL history to win three straight Super Bowls. They lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers the following week, ending their Super Bowl bid for that year. In 2006, the Broncos defense allowed only one touchdown in the first five games, which was an NFL record. Plummer held the team at a strong 7-2 record during that season but was replaced by rookie QB Jay Cutler. Cutler started all that next season which became the Broncos’ first losing season since 1999. In 2008, the Broncos fired their head coach, Mike Shanahan who had been with them for 14 years and represented the most successful coach in franchise history. Two weeks after his release, the team hired Josh McDaniels as the new head coach and shortly thereafter, hired Kyle Orton as their new quarterback and sent Cutler to the Chicago Bears. With the 2009 season off to a surprisingly successful start, the Broncos finished it at 8-8 and the next season lost all momentum and crashed to a new franchise record for losses in a single season, ending at 4-12. McDaniels was fired, John Fox was hired, Tim Tebow came in as quarterback to finish out the last three games and after a 1-4 start to the following season, Tebow replaced Orton as the starting quarterback. Tebow helped the team earn a new NFL record in the 2011 season playoffs by posting the fastest overtime ever, winning in 11 second with an 80-yard touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas. That’s where their season ended, though because they were defeated 45-10 by the Patriots in the next game. He’s the Man- ning Peyton Manning reached an agreement with the Broncos to be their new quarterback on Mar. 20, 2012 and eventually pulled the Broncos back from a rough 2-3 start to an overall 13-3 winning season. By the 2013 season, the team signed several key players including wide receiver Wes Welker, linebacker Shaun Phillips and cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, and by drafting defensive tackle Sylvester Williams and running back Montee Ball. The regular season ended with a 13-3 record with Manning setting new NFL single-season records for passing yardage and passing touchdowns. They also set franchise and league records for touchdowns and points scored. Broncos Snippetz
Issue 641
LLAMA SHLAMA, SNIPPETZ INQUIRES: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALPACAS? by Lindsey Harrison “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Alpaca.” “Alpaca who?” “Alpaca suitcase if you pack a trunk.” Most people probably don’t know the difference between a llama and an alpaca. Or what makes alpacas so special. But with more than 40 alpaca ranches within 25 miles of Colorado Springs, there’s got to be something to these incredible camelids. Is it their fleece which can net between five and 10 pounds per shearing? Maybe it has something to do with the contented humming sounds they make when they are, well, content. Maybe it’s that they are grazing animals that don’t need a ton of space on which to graze, making them easier to raise on a smaller plot of land. Or maybe it’s their naturally intelligent and curious demeanor. Whatever the reason, alpacas certainly are special. And naturally, Snippetz decided to look into alpacas to find out more about them and to see if we could pinpoint exactly what IS so special about them! All About Alpacas There are two types of alpacas: Suri and Huacaya. Suri alpacas have longer, shiny fleece that is very soft and often has a slight curl. Suri alpacas are rarer and therefore more expensive. It is estimated that their population makes up about 20 percent of the total alpaca population in the United States. Their fleece reflects their scarcity and is more expensive as well. Often the fiber from Suri alpacas is too slippery to spin into useable yarn by itself and is frequently mixed with cotton, wool or silk. Huacaya alpacas are fluffier and have a teddy-bear like look which appeals to many alpaca ranchers. These alpacas are actually hardier than Suri alpacas which makes them easier to care for. Alpacas don’t have horns, hooves, claws or incisors. They are camelids, meaning they are larger animals with long necks and legs, and are herbivores. They have three-chambered stomachs and have two-toed feet with toenails and large, soft foot pads. The foot pads are more versatile than hooves which allows them to navigate steep, rocky terrain. As you can probably guess, alpacas are not native to North America. In fact, they didn’t make their appearance in the United States until 1984 after being imported from their home in the Andean Mountain range running through Peru, Bolivia, Ecuador and Chile in South America. In those parts, they thrive at altitudes between 11,500 and 16,000 feet. They are typically kept in herds and graze on hays and grasses in a smaller quantity than most animals their size. Speaking of size, alpacas are smaller than llamas, which is one key way to tell the two animals apart. Llamas weigh around 250 to 450 pounds while alpacas weigh about 100 to 150 pounds. The average alpaca stands about 34 to 36 inches at the withers, or the shoulders, while a typical llama stands about 42 to 48 inches tall at the same place. Alpacas are too small to be used as pack animals and are usually bred exclusively for their meat and fleece. Breeders typically wait until a female is about 18 months old before they begin breeding her. Once a female alpaca is pregnant, the gestation period is about 330 to 360 days and typically results in just one offspring, called a cria. The average cria weighs about 18 pounds. Female alpacas can continue to breed throughout their lifetime. Alpacas usually live to be about 20 years old, although it’s not unheard of for them to live to be 25 years old. Alpaca Fleece Alpaca fleece is often used in knitting and woven items such as blankets, scarves, hats, sweaters, gloves, socks and other similar items. The texture is often compared cashmere because it is incredibly soft and luxurious but provides the same warmth as wool at just one-third the weight. Clothing made from alpaca fleece is stretchy, water-repellant and wrinkle-resistant. The fleece is also hypoallergenic, making it ideal for people with sensitive skin. Not only is it smoother than wool, which makes it less scratchy, but it also has no lanolin which gives the fleece its hypoallergenic properties. The type of alpaca from which the fleece is obtained can impact several of the above properties. For example, because Huacaya alpacas have fluffy, crimpy fleece, it is more elastic and better suited for knitting. Suri alpacas have finer, silkier fleece that is better for woven goods. To obtain their fleece, alpacas are shorn every 12 to 18 months. Many people purchase the fleece in its “raw” form in order to spin it themselves although many others, especially knitters, prefer to buy it as pre-spun yarn. There are 22 natural shades of alpaca fleece ranging from black to silver to deep brown to champagne. Of course, it is possible to dye the fleece a different color, which is often done to obtain the wide variety of colors desired for yarn. Luckily, it readily accepts dye making it easy to do so. Alpaca fleece can be purchased through boutiques such as Peak Ranch’s Alpaca Boutique, located in Monument. In 2008 owners and operators Rene and Dennis Beshear, opened Peak Ranch, which boasts a herd of 27 alpacas. The boutique offers a variety of alpaca fleece products, including baby blankets and yarn just waiting to be knitted into a spectacular scarf. History of Alpacas The history of alpacas can be traced back about 1000 years before the great pyramids of Giza were built. It was considered a great display of wealth and nobility for a person to have many alpacas and Incan noblemen often showed off their garments that were created using alpaca fleece. For thousands of years, alpacas bolstered the economy in areas such as Peru before Spanish Conquistadors conquered the Incas in the 17th century. To escape the invaders, the Inca hid in the Andes Mountains, taking with them their alpacas. This act likely helped the species escape extinction. In the 1940s, Don Julio Barreda began breeding alpacas to produce better fleece and certain sought-after colors. The two different types of alpacas were created by Barreda’s breeding efforts and he is recognized today as the world’s finest alpaca breeder. Alpaca Snippetz
Issue 642
SNIPPETZ OPENS THE BOOK ON THE HISTORY OF PRINTING by Lindsey Harrison “Before printing was discovered, a century was equal to a thousand years.” – Henry David Thoreau, author Before the advent of the printing press, humans struggled with how to distribute their ideas. Sure, we could talk to each other and tell our stories and ideas to our fellow humans with the hopes that things wouldn’t get jumbled along the lines. Or we could hand write whatever it was that we wanted to share but hand cramps are no joke and hand writing is incredibly time consuming. We knew there had to be a better way. There had to be a way to get the information we longed to share out to the world in a fast, efficient manner; a more permanent option than just speaking and a more mobile option than cave drawings. So how did it all start? How did we get from how things were back then to how they are now? Snippetz wanted answers so we decided to investigate the history of printing. Stamp of approval Printing is little more than stamping. Truthfully, that’s where it all started in the first place. Early humans discovered how to duplicate an image by pressing it into some material, like clay, that would hold its shape once the image was removed. This was the case in civilizations dating back to at least 3000 B.C. and likely even earlier. Woodblock printing The original stamping concept evolved into the first true form of printing, called woodblock printing. This method involved cutting an image into a block of wood and then using pigment to transfer that image onto textiles or paper. The earliest woodblock printings on cloth that still exist today are from China in about 220 A.D. They were printed on silk and depict flowers in three different colors. One of the mandates of the Buddhist religions is the circulation of standard translations of the scripture across a wide area and what better way to achieve that through the use of the same woodblock printing technology on paper. Other important Buddhist texts were also copied and distributed through this same method. The oldest book that was produced using woodblock printing is the Diamond Sutra and the date states that it was printed “the 13th day of the fourth moon of the ninth year of the Xiantong era,” or May 11, 868. Woodblock printing on cloth reached Europe and was commonly practiced by 1300. Many printings were religious in nature and at first, were quite large but by the 1400s, the popularity switched to smaller prints and eventually to images other than religious ones that were printed on playing cards. Starting from about 1425, these images began to be printed in a large quantity. Beginning in the 1450s block-books became widely used. Block-books were woodcut blocks containing both images and text carved on the same block and provided a less expensive, simpler alternative to books that were printed using several blocks. Most often, they contained a lot of illustrations and minimal text but emerged as the bestsellers of the times. The two most common examples of block-books are the “Ars moriendi” and the “Biblia pauperum.” Movable type printing Movable type printing is a method that includes movable pieces of metal type. This method dates back to China in about 1040, when the first system was created by Bi Sheng out of porcelain. The first metal movable type was created in Korea around 1230. While initially thought to be a good idea, the massive set of characters in the Chinese language made movable type a bit difficult to use. Johannes Gutenberg, a goldsmith from Germany is credited with creating the first European movable type print technology around 1439. Not long after, he developed the printing press and changed the face of printing forever, allowing for mass production of a single text with minimal work and time. When compared to woodblock printing, movable type page-setting can be achieved much more quickly and is typically more durable. The metal pieces aren’t prone to wear like the blocks of wood and the lettering is more uniform, which led to the development of typography and fonts. Once the Gutenberg Bible was printed in 1455, the obviously higher quality and lower cost of the book solidified the superiority of movable type and spurred the spread of printing presses throughout Europe. Most printing done today is completed on some sort of derivative of Gutenberg’s movable type printing. The printing press A printing press is a machine that is used to apply pressure to a surface covered with ink, like an inkpad, that rests on a medium like cloth or paper, which ultimately transfers an image to that medium. As mentioned above, Gutenberg developed the first printing press in Europe but he didn’t work alone. He partnered with Andreas Dritzehen and Andreas Heilmann, the former having been a gem-cutting student of Gutenberg’s and the latter being the owner of a paper mill. Using the printing press, printing houses were able to mass-produce texts on a scale on previously dreamed of. These houses were run by master printers who owned the shops, chose and edited their selected manuscripts, determined the quantity in which a book was to be printed, sold the books they produced, raised money to run the production operation and set up distribution of the books. Within print shops, there were several jobs held by several workers. Apprentices worked for the master printers by preparing the ink, dampening the sheets of paper and assisting with the press. Journeymen printers were men who had completed their apprenticeships and typically helped ensure the quality of the product by centering the print on the paper. Compositors set the type for printing and pressmen worked the press which was a physically demanding job Lithography Bavarian author Aloys Senefelder invented lithography in 1796 and this method s used for printing on a smooth surface. It uses chemicals to create the desired image. When the printing plate is introduced to a compatible ink and water mixture, the ink will adhere to the hydrophobic chemical on the plate, creating the positive part of the image. This allows for a much flatter printing plate and allows for longer use of that plate. High-volume lithography is still used today to produce posters, maps, books, newspapers, really anything that is smooth and mass-produced. Rotary printing press In 1843, Richard March Hoe invented rotary drum printing and patented it in 1847. Rotary drum printing involved carving the images around the outside of a cylinder which is then rolled along a continuous roll of paper, cardboard, plastic or other medium, creating a series of copies that can be cut into individual texts. Into the future . . . Printing has come a long way from its humble beginnings in ancient Asian cultures. From screenprinting and flexography to photocopying and laser printing, many incredible developments have been made to aid us in our ever-increasing need to distribute knowledge in easier ways. And as you can probably assume, more milestones are being hit every day. In fact, 3D printing is no longer just a special effect from sci-fi movies anymore. It can be used to recreate things by physically “printing” successive layers of a material on top of the previous ones to build a three dimensional image of whatever it is you want to create. We don’t know what the future of printing holds for us but it’s gonna be great to see what happens! Issue 643
SNIPPETZ TOSSES UP THE TOPIC OF SALAD by Lindsey Harrison “I was born in the Midwest, where ‘salad’ was cherry Jell-O with bananas in it. Now children are more aware of healthy foods.” - Candy Crowley, journalist Ask anybody out there what they consider salad to be and they’ll probably tell you that it’s lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, dressing or something similar to that. But there’s so much more to salad than just those common ingredients. Salad can be an entrée or an appetizer. It can be a side dish or it can be a snack. It’s versatile, relatively healthy (yes, even the Jell-O and banana version is pretty good for you) and can be the perfect way to combine all the elements of a well-rounded meal into just one dish. And of course, Snippetz just had to investigate the ins, outs, ups and downs about salad. What is a Salad? The word “salad” comes from the French term “salade” which, in turn comes from the Latin “salata” meaning salty. Why? During ancient Roman times, salads were often salty because they were seasoned with brine or salty oil-and-vinegar dressings. The word “salad” first appeared in the English language in the 14th century although it was sometimes spelled “sallet.” Asking the question, “What is a salad?” is almost like asking, “What is a bug?” There are so many different right answers that it’s almost impossible to get it wrong. Salads can be green salads, vegetable salads, pasta salads, grain salads, fruit salads and seafood salads, just to name a few. They can be hot or cold or a bit of both. Often the definition of salad depends who you’re talking to and what part of the world the salad comes from. We’ve rounded up some salads from different parts of the world to give you a literary taste of what these salads have to offer.
Hail Caesar ... salad If you’ve ever been to a restaurant (and we’re betting you have!), you’ve probably seen Caesar salad on the menu. You’ve probably read through the ingredients to see if you can discern where the name “Caesar” came from. You might’ve even assumed it was named after Julius Caesar, the famous ancient Roman emperor. Well, if you did, you were wrong. As is the case with the Waldorf salad, the Caesar salad is named after the salad’s creator, Caesar Cardini. The story of the birth of the Caesar salad says that Cardini, an Italian immigrant who lived in San Diego owned a restaurant in Tijuana. On July 4, 1924, he found himself low on supplies. Some hungry friends stopped by for a bite to eat and, not wanted to disappoint his friends, he tossed a few of the ingredients he still had hanging around into a bowl and mixed the whole thing together table-side. These ingredients included romaine lettuce, garlic, croutons, Parmesan cheese, olive oil, eggs and Worcestershire sauce. It’s said that his friends were thrilled with the new salad Cardini had created and as usually happens with something great like this, word spread. Although the salad has withstood the test of time, the restaurant from which it came has since closed its doors. Naturally, there is some debate about who actually created the sensational salad, probably due to its incredible popularity. Some claim that Caesar’s brother Alex threw in the anchovies that, more often than not, accompany the salad today while others claim that Caesar took the credit from some other chef whose name has been lost to oblivion. Salad Snippetz True salad wisdom comes from knowing that a tomato is a fruit but NOT including it in a fruit salad. Issue 644
SNIPPETZ GOES GAGA OVER THE LATEST GADGETS by Lindsey Harrison “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” – Arthur C. Clarke, writer Do you ever feel like every time you turn around, there’s something new in the technological world that’d being advertised as that thing you really need and shouldn’t be living without? Your computer was new when you bought it six months ago but now there’s something new that’s just been released that makes your laptop look like the massive desktop computers you used to play “Oregon Trail” on in grade school. The screen isn’t removable and doesn’t double as a tablet or it’s not light as air with double the memory. Technology just seems to move too fast to keep up with. But Snippetz just couldn’t let some of these new inventions slip by without giving them a nod for their ingenuity. So we’ve compiled information about some of the newest gadgets on the market to astonish you as they did us! Livescribe Echo Smartpen The Livescribe Echo Smartpen is something many of us probably wish we had in college when we were scribbling away during lectures only to find out we couldn’t make out what we had written. It allows you to record audio while taking notes so you never have to rely on those illegible notes again. The memory storage holds up to 800 hours of audio, charges through your computer through a USB connector and allows you to connect to smartpen apps so you can easily navigate through the audio files you’ve stored. Cobra Tag The Cobra Tag sensor attaches to your keys, laptop bag, purse or whatever you want to keep from being stolen. The sensor communicates with a free app you can download to your smartphone which reminds you if you leave your tagged item behind. But it also works the other way around. You can use the Cobra Tag to find your smartphone, too. Simply tap the button on the tag and your smartphone rings. Use the app on your smartphone to make the Cobra Tag ring. You can also use the Cobra Tag’s PhoneHalo app to lock your phone so your personal information can’t be stolen if your phone ever is. Vuzix M100 smart glasses These Andriod-based glasses are “monocular augmented reality devices.” In laymen’s terms, they’re really cool glasses that feature a display, video recording capabilities and wireless connectivity. They come with pre-installed apps that can record and play back high definition video images and pictures. It’s like wearing a camera on your face and who wouldn’t like that? The glasses feature Bluetooth technology so they can be paired with other Bluetooth devices. They also create a type of situational awareness through the use of GPS and integrated head-tracking capabilities (say that three times fast). Soulra XL solar-powered sound system This innovative sound system allows you to take your iPod or iPhone outside and blast your music to drive your neighbors crazy in a whole new way! The system features eight speakers and a 22W output with bass boost so you can enjoy the tunes on your device while outside . . . and because the unit has a 72-square-inch monocrystal solar panel, the whole system can be fully charged in just five hours of direct sunlight. The lithium ion battery can provide up to eight hours of playback time and it charges your iPod or iPhone while the sun charges it. You can also use the AC adapter if you want to bring your system inside. Now you can kiss your regular sounds system goodbye! Nissan 3E We know, this sounds like it must be a car, right? It’s not, although it is made by the Nissan Motor Company. The Nissan 3E is actually a monocle-style eyepiece that shoots video and adds augmented reality information to what you’re seeing. The purpose: to provide customers an enhanced way to shop for a vehicle by providing additional information on the device for the viewer to peruse while checking out a specific car. Who’s to say this won’t become the new way to shop not only for cars but for everything? It might be helpful to have those nutritional labels right there in front of your face on your monocle than having to scan for what’s in your favorite breakfast cereal. Skully P1 All you Harley riders out there, this one’s for you. Made by Skully Helmets, the Skully P1 is a motorcycle helmet with a camera built onto the back of it to provide 180-degree viewing capabilities. Inside the helmet, the Heads-Up Display illuminates your blind spots and shows navigational information. The helmet has GPS mapping capabilities and the built-in Bluetooth lets you sync with your smartphone. Sleepow The Sleepow is a memory-foam pillow that plays calming low-frequency beats through built-in speakers to help reduce stress and ease you into a deep, relaxing sleep. It comes with pre-loaded sounds but you can add your own favorite sounds through the built-in mp3 player. FLIR One For all you budding James Bonds out there, the FLIR One was created just for you! It attaches to your iPhone and allows you to see infrared light. Basically, it provides thermal imaging for anyone willing to pay for it who doesn’t want to lug around heavy equipment. You can do some serious top secret spy missions with this puppy . . . but you have to wait until this spring for it to be available. Heapsylon Sensoria socks The Heapsylon Sensoria socks work with an included anklet that transmits data from the electronic fibers woven into the socks to an app that compiles your fitness and exercise data. The socks can tell you if you’re unevenly using your feet or striding too hard when you run. And for just $259 for four pairs, these innovative socks you may not have ever known you needed can be yours. Garmin Vivofit Ever have those days when all you want to do is just sit on the couch with a bag of potato chips and watch a marathon of “The Big Bang Theory?” Well, the Vivofit may not let you. This wristband uses a motion detector to sense when you’ve been a lazy bum, er, excuse me, inactive for over an hour and starts bleeping at you until you get up and move around. Just don’t forget to take it off at bedtime! Google Contact Lenses Using the concept of the regular contact lens, GoogleX developers have created these contact lenses that allow diabetics to continually check their glucose levels through a tiny processing chip, a specialized glucose sensor and an antenna that is thinner than a human hair. The sensor detects glucose levels in the wearer’s tears by taking readings once per second and the transmitter sends the readings to an external device to allow for constant monitoring without the finger-poking most people have to endure. Smart wig That’s right. Sony has recently filed for a patent application for a smart wig. Supposedly, the wig will contain sensors, communications functionality and “an actuator for tactile feedback.” They say the wig could be used as a navigation tool for the sight-impaired by sending out ultrasound signals to detect objects. It will then alert the wearer through vibrations or small electric shocks. Sounds pleasant. Smart tattoos It sounds completely crazy but Google has been working to obtain a patent that links skin tattoos to mobile devices. Why? Well, the patent application says that the tattoo, probably located on a person’s throat, could act as a microphone, a transceiver for wireless communications and an energy supply. Maybe you can charge your phone through your throat tattoo . . .? Issue 645
SNIPPETZ IS SINGING ALOUD: BARRY IS THE MAN-ILOW by Lindsey Harrison “Whenever there was a choice between music and anything else, music won hands down every time.” – Barry Manilow, musician We’ve all heard his name before: Barry Manilow. But maybe it’s harder to place what music he’s created that we instantly recognize. Or maybe it’s not. If we were to say, “Like a good neighbor…”, would you reply, “State Farm is there?” Probably. And if you did, then you have just finished a jingle created by Barry Manilow. Not only was he a prolific singer, composer, arranger (the list goes on and on) but he created some of the most memorable jingles that have withstood the test of time. So while you may not be a huge Fan-ilow of Barry Manilow, his work has touched each of our lives in one way or another. And Snippetz couldn’t pass up the opportunity to dig into his life to see what this Man-ilow is truly all about. Who knows? Maybe by the end of this article, you’ll be a Fan-ilow, too! The Early Years Barry Manilow was actually born Barry Alan Pincus. His parents, Harold Pincus and Edna Manilow welcomed their son on June 17, 1943 while they were living in Brooklyn, New York. As a young Jewish man, Barry decided to take his mother’s maiden name as his own last name at his bar mitzvah. Manilow graduated from Eastern District High School in Brooklyn in 1961 and immediately enrolled in the Julliard School of performing arts. To help pay for his bills during that time, Manilow also got a job working at CBS. That job proved to be a fateful decision for Manilow because it provided him the opportunity to meeting Bro Herrod in 1964, a director at CBS who wanted him to arrange some songs for a musical adaptation of a melodrama called “The Drunkard.” Manilow decided to write an entire original score instead, which Herrod used in the musical which debuted Off Broadway and maintained an eight-year stint at New York’s 13th Street Theatre. During that time, Manilow worked as a pianist, producer and arranger to make a living. It was during this time that Manilow began developing his skills as a jingle writer, a source of income that helped sustain him well into the 1970s. As mentioned above, Manilow wrote the jingle for State Farm as well as the Band-Aid jingle that goes, “I am stuck on Band-Aid, ‘cause Band-Aid’s stuck on me.” Many of the jingles he either wrote or composed, sometimes both, and would often perform them as well. Some he only performed, such as jingles for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Pepsi, Dr Pepper and McDonald’s. Manilow managed to secure the position of musical director for the series “Callback” on WCBS-TV by 1967. He also worked to arrange a new theme song for The Law Show, while writing, producing and singing his jingles for radio and T.V, and simultaneously teamed up with Jeanne Lucas to perform as a duo for two seasons at New York’s “Upstairs at the Downstairs” club. Becoming the Man-ilow Barry Manilow’s road to success wasn’t all smooth sailing. In fact, he has several flops under his belt, three of which he recorded with a group of sessions musicians who called themselves “Featherbed.” Manilow said he was grateful for the lack of success those songs achieved and it’s easy to see why when you fast-forward to 1971. At that time, Manilow was providing piano accompaniment for other artists during their auditions and performances when a certain lady (perhaps you’ve heard of her) named Bette Midler happened upon one of his performances. She was impressed with what he could do and decided to use his talent to help her produce her debut and sophomore albums, called The Divine Miss M and Better Midler. Manilow also acted as her musical director for her The Divine Miss M tour that followed. The pair worked together until 1975. Manilow continued to pursue his own solo career while helping Bette Midler and in July 1973, he released his debut album, Barry Manilow through Bell Records. His talent saved him from being dropped after Bell Records was taken over and became part of the newly-created Arista Records. The label’s top dog, Clive Davis dropped many artists but felt confident that he had a winner in Manilow after seeing him perform as Dionne Warwick’s opening act at the Schaefer Music Festival in Central Park on June 26, 1974. That same year, Manilow released his second album which contained his No. one hit, “Mandy.” This song helped lay the groundwork for his rise to fame, although he did not actually write it himself. On Mar. 22, 1975 Manilow made his first of many appearances on American Bandstand. He struck up a friendship with Dick Clark which led to several appearances on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, American Bandstand anniversary shows and performances on the American Music Awards. Following his increasing popularity, Manilow made appearances in other entertainment arenas as well. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, the television company ABC aired four variety specials that Manilow starred in and executive produced called, “The Barry Manilow Special.” On Mar. 2, 1977, his guest was Penny Marshall and the show aired to an audience of 37 million strong. His hard work for that special was rewarded with four Emmy nominations and won the Emmy for “Outstanding Comedy-Variety or Music Special.” His second special featuring Ray Charles in 1978 was also nominated for four Emmys. Manilow also tried his hand at acting when he portrayed Tony Starr in the 1985 CBS film based on his song, “Copacabana.” He wrote all the songs for the movie. Manilow had a hand in several other endeavors, including lobbying against a copyright bill that would do away with a blanket license for theme and incidental music and instead requires that payment is done on a per-use basis. He also published an autobiography called, “Sweet Life: Adventures on the Way to Paradise.” Manilow returned to Broadway with his concert series called, “Manilow on Broadway” in 2013. His musical, “Harmony” started its second run in September 2013 at Atlanta’s Alliance Theatre and is booked for performances in Los Angeles for this year. Manilow Snippetz
Issue 646
ERIN GO BRAGH! SNIPPETZ LOOKS AT THE HISTORY OF IRELAND by Lindsey Harrison “We may have bad weather in Ireland, but the sun shines in the hearts of the people and that keeps us all warm.” – Marianne Williamson, author If there was ever a color that could describe the month of March, it would be green. Not only does the Spring Equinox occur in March, signaling the start of a season of rebirth and regrowth, but it also happens to contain one of the best holidays on the planet: St. Patrick’s Day. What better way to celebrate such a jovial holiday than to uncover some great Snippetz about the country, its people and most of all, its rich history. So break out your shamrocks and green attire, folks or you’re going to get pinched as we take a look back into the history of Ireland, the country that is at the heart of this holiday. A long, long time ago . . . It’s true that Ireland has a long rich history. And it would be great to be able to start from the beginning and relay all the incredible tidbits of history that we could find . . . but we can’t. Suffice it to say that mankind’s presence on this island can be traced back to around 8000 B.C. when Mesolithic hunter-gatherers migrated to Ireland. Agriculture on the island makes its appearance around 4000 B.C. based on analysis of sites such as the Céide Fields in Mayo. Around 3500 B.C., during the Neolithic period, people of the Boyne Valley built a series of incredibly complex chamber tombs, upright standing stones and enclosures that took them over 100 years to complete. The Bronze Age around 2000 B.C. brought new weapons technologies to Ireland, leading to the creation of flat axes and eventually to copper mining on Mount Gabriel in County Cork and Ross Island in County Kerry. In 140 A.D., Ptolemy wrote the book, “Geographia.” It provided the first recorded reference to a human settlement in an area near Dublin, called Eblana Civitas. In 431, Palladius was sent to Ireland by Pope Celestine to be the first bishop to the Irish believing in Christ. In 432, St. Patrick returned to Ireland from Great Britain after about 15 years of religious training to become an ordained priest. St. Patrick, who was born in Great Britain and taken prisoner and held on Ireland for six years, escaped and walked over 200 miles to the coast where he managed to go back to Britain. There he said he received a message from the angels to return to Ireland as a missionary.. In 536, widespread crop failures led to famine in Ireland and historians blame the cause on a possible volcanic winter, although there is no definitive evidence. Nearly 30 years later, Ireland began to flourish during the Golden Ages. Monastic schools were established at Iona and Clonfert by Columba and Brendan, respectively. Other similar schools soon followed. Not quite so long ago . . . In 852, Vikings land in Dublin Bay. Ivar Beinlaus and Olaf the White built a fortress where they landed, which happens to be located close to where the city of Dublin proper stands now. The year 980 marks the date when the King of Dublin, Ola Cuaran, abdicated his throne to Máel Sechnaill mac Domnaill after the king’s army lost at the Battle of Tara. Eight years later, Máel Sechnaill demanded a tribute from the Vikings at Dublin and this date is often considered the founding date of Dublin as a city. On April 23, 1014, the armies of Brian Boru defeated Máel Mórda mac Murchada and his Viking forces. It was at this time that the Viking power in Ireland began a definitive decline. In 1171 Henry II of England arrives at Waterford and declared himself the Lord of Ireland. Four years later, the Treaty of Windsor was drafted between England and Ireland, solidifying Henry II’s claim as Lord of Ireland but also allotting certain benefits to the previous Irish King, Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair. The Great Charter of Ireland, drafted on Nov. 12, 1216 (but not delivered to Ireland until February of the following year), was essentially the Magna Carta for Ireland. About 50 years later, the first representative Irish Parliament, made up of the Lordship of Ireland, met in Dublin. By 1315, it’s clear that the Irish were resentful of England’s presence on their island. On May 26, Edward Bruce arrives and helps to rally and lead many Irish lords in an uprising against the English attempting to maintain control in Ireland. Naturally, this didn’t sit well with the English who made repeated attempts to assuage and overrule Irish attempts to rule themselves. In 1472, the Annals of the Four Masters records indicate that the King of England at the time sent an exotic animal to Ireland, possibly a giraffe and possibly as a peace-offering (or a bribe). Then, in 1494, England’s Lord Deputy of Ireland under the rule of Henry VII, Edward Poyning issued a declaration he called Poynings’ Law which ultimately forbade the Irish parliament from passing any laws without first obtaining consent from the English parliament. This pattern of attempted control continued into the 1500s when in 1542, Irish parliament passed the Crown of Ireland Act. The act established a Kingdom of Ireland that was to be ruled by Henry VIII of England. In 1575, the Annals of the Four Masters record a draught, possibly the third in the last several hundred years that resulted in widespread disease and plague. Over the next nearly 70 years, the country rebels against English control, especially that of Elizabeth I who had been dubbed a heretic by Pope Pius in 1570. More recent still . . . On Oct. 22, 1641 the Irish Rebellion of 1641 began and Phelim O’Neill led the fight and captured several forts in the north of Ireland. By 1642, the Irish Confederate Wars were in full swing, much of it having to do with the intolerance of Catholicism in the country and the Irish Catholic Confederation was established. In 1646, the Supreme Council of the Confederation signed an agreement with one of England’s King Charles I, which allowed for some rights for Catholics in the country in return for their military support of England. However, once word got out of this new arrangement, the members of the Supreme Council were arrested and the Irish General Assembly renounced the agreement with England. One year later, another agreement was reached with England which promised tolerance of Catholicism, a repeal of Poynings’ Law and legitimization of lands taken by Irish Catholics during the Confederate Wars. On Aug. 27, 1798, after years of fending off invasions from the French, the Irish and French band together to defeat the British at the Battle of Castlebar. On Jan. 1, 1801, Ireland is annexed to Great Britain, forming the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. The country as a whole was moving forward in a generally good way until 1845 when the Great Irish Famine occurred. Two-thirds of the country’s potato crop, a staple in their diet at the time, was destroyed which led to about one million deaths and the emigration of another million people to other countries in search of prosperity. The century to follow was filled with civil unrest. By 1919, the country turned its sights to England once again and issued a Declaration of Independence from the United Kingdom. Two years later, on May 3, Northern Ireland was established. That same year, the Irish War of Independence began which resulted in the signing of the Anglo-Irish Treaty and the creation of the Irish Free State. The Irish Civil began in 1922 and by 1937, the leadership of Ireland developed the Constitution of Ireland, replacing the Irish Free State with a new state, simply called Ireland. While the country is relatively peaceful now, history indicates that Ireland has been plagued with unrest both within the natives and by outside forces attempting to gain them as a new nation to control. In this month of celebration, it’s important to remember the struggles that were had to reach this point. And to remember one important phrase: Erin go Bragh! Issue 647
SNIPPETZ MAGICALLY TAKES YOU BACK TO ONCE UPON A TIME by Lindsey Harrison “What I like about fairy tales is that they highlight the emotions within a story. The situations aren’t real, with falling stars and pirates. But what you do relate to is the emotions that the characters feel.” – Charlie Cox, actor When you think of fairy tales, you probably envision a happy little story about a young girl becoming a princess and overcoming some struggle to marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. It’s such a sweet idea that life can be wrapped into a neat little package like that and everyone comes out feeling great in the end. But we all know that’s not always the case in real life. Real life is hard. We have mortgages to pay, sick kids to take care of and Prince Charming may never come so we might end up eating Cup O’ Noodles for dinner by ourselves rather than surrounded by a houseful of family. It’s easy to understand why we would all feel drawn to the fairy tales that end so sweetly. But are those stories that are so familiar to us really as perfect as they seem? Artistic license often plays a role in the retelling of such stories and so Snippetz decided to go digging to uncover the origins of some of our favorite fairy tales. Snow White This popular fairy tale was written by the Brothers Grimm and first published in 1812 in Germany. The original version and the one we’re all most familiar with today differ in a few key ways. Snow White’s mother was the original “bad guy” of the story until the Brothers Grimm changed it to the wicked stepmother to make the story less scary for younger children. Snow White happened upon the dwarfs’ cottage but didn’t go inside to clean it up; she actually made a huge mess in their relatively clean house and then fell asleep on their beds. Snow White’s stepmother, the wicked Queen, tried to kill Snow White three times once she found her at the dwarfs’ cottage. The first time, the queen tied a bodice too tight around the young girl; the second time, she poisoned a comb and then combed Snow White’s hair with it. Both times, the dwarves returned and revived Snow White. The third time, the queen poisoned an apple that got lodged in Snow White’s throat. The dwarves couldn’t revive her that time and assumed she died. There was no “true love’s kiss” in the original version; instead, the prince happened upon the coffin, fell in love with the girl inside and convinced the dwarves to let him take the girl and the coffin away to be with him forever. The coffin was jostled while being moved, the apple was dislodged from Snow White’s throat and she came to. Snow White and the prince made plans to marry and even invited her wicked stepmother. The Queen accepted the invitation, shocked that Snow White was alive. As punishment for her attempts to take Snow White’s life, the Queen was forced to put on a pair of white-hot iron shoes and dance until she died. Beauty and the Beast This fairy tale was first published in 1740 and the original version was written by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve. As with Snow White, there are several differences between the version many are familiar with and the originally-published version. Belle was one of three daughters of a wealthy merchant, although she was the only good-hearted one. On his last trip, Belle’s father lost all his money and couldn’t bring gifts back for his daughters. He stumble upon an enchanted castle in the forest and was allowed to stay the night. He was even permitted to take some expensive gifts back for his daughters but as he was about to leave, remembered that Belle just wanted a rose. He picked one but it turns out to be the prize possession of the Beast of the castle and the Beast threatened to kill the merchant. The merchant convinced the Beast to allow him to leave with all the gifts but promised he would return to the castle. Belle returned to the castle in her father’s place and the Beast told her she was the mistress of the castle, waiting on her hand and foot and letting her wear beautiful clothes and jewelry. The Beast proposed to her every night but she always refused. The Beast allowed Belle to visit her family for one week and sent her with a magic mirror and magic ring. When Belle’s sisters saw her new clothes, they became jealous and pretended like they didn’t want her to return in the hopes that if she didn’t go back to the castle in time, the Beast would kill her. Belle began to feel guilty about not keeping her promise to the Beast and used the magic mirror to see him. He was literally dying from heartbreak. Belle used the ring to return to the Beast where she began to cry because of the state he was in and told him she loved him. Her tears dripped onto him and he transformed back into the prince he once was. One adaptation of this fairy tale was written in 1937 in China and was called, “Beauty and Pock Face.” Sleeping Beauty The first version of this fairy tale was written by Charles Perrault in 1697 and has been adapted several times, in several different ways. Initially, there were two narrative parts but the first is the one most people are familiar with but again, there are differences between Perrault’s version and the more widely-known version. Instead of three good fairies coming to bestow gifts upon a newly-born princess, there were actually seven. Their gifts were beauty, wit, grace, dance, song and music. The evil fairy who wasn’t invited cursed the baby to prick her hand on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die so the seventh fairy changed the curse so that the princess wouldn’t die but instead, would sleep for 100 years and would be awoken by a king’s son. In some versions, the princess was sent away to protect her from harm but in the original version, she stayed at the castle and all the spinning wheels were burned except one. That happens to be the one the princess pricked her finger on and fell into a deep sleep. The princess was put high up in a tower and the good fairies decided to put the rest of the kingdom to sleep so the princess wouldn’t be alone when she finally awoke. They created a forest of trees and brambles to surround the castle to keep the kingdom from being disturbed. One hundred years later, a prince happened upon the forest and, having heard the stories about the castle inside, climbed the trees and brambles to get inside. He went to Sleep Beauty’s chamber and the curse was broken by his presence so the princess awoke and the two talked for a long time while the rest of the kingdom awoke. There was no “true love’s kiss” in the original version of this story either. In some versions, the story continued and the prince and princess end up having two children. Issue 648
SNIPPETZ GOES OVER THE RAINBOW by Lindsey Harrison “Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.” – Lord Byron ROY G BIV. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. For many of us, we learned this acronym as a way to keep straight all the colors of a rainbow, starting from the outside and working in. Speaking of rainbows, these beautiful phenomena have come to signify more than just a pretty arc in the sky on a rainy day. In fact, they featured prominently in mythology and superstition. Maybe it’s because they aren’t as easy to come by in nature as you may assume. There’s a formula to the creation of a rainbow. All the variables have to align just right. So when they do, people assume there must be something more powerful in the works. And naturally, Snippetz got curious and decided we needed to know: what is it about the rainbow that has captured people’s attention for so long? What makes them so special and why have civilizations searched for their meaning for so long? Read on and you can go over the rainbow with us to find out! Making a Rainbow Although rainbows might appear to be more magic than science, that’s not actually the case. Rainbows are made when light strikes a raindrop at the precise angle of 42 degrees. The light entering each water droplet is refracted and then reflected by the back of the droplet. As the light leaves the droplet, it is refracted again at multiple angles. The multiple angles at which the light leaves the water droplet causes the light spectrum to separate out into the observable colors of a rainbow. Contrary to popular belief, rainbows are actually full circles, not just arcs. The center of the circle is call the antisolar and can sometimes be seen in an aircraft flying above the rainbow. They look like arcs because, from the ground, you can only see the rainbow from the horizon up into the sky. That explains why for centuries they were thought to be arcs and why they’ve been called rainBOWS rather than rainCIRCLES. Sometimes a second rainbow can be seen which is actually caused by the sunlight hitting inside a raindrop causing a double reflection. Secondary rainbows are an inverted version of the primary rainbow, with red being on the inside and violet on the outside. It doesn’t stop at just two rainbows, though. Laboratory studies have even observed up to the 200th rainbow in a series all from the same initial reflection. Interestingly enough, rainbows can occur in monochromatic color, meaning they are visible in just one color. For example, red rainbows can occur at sunset because the sunlight travels further into the atmosphere and the shorter wavelengths, such as blue and violet are scattered and as such are not visible in the rainbow. Rainbow Symbolism It’s easy to understand the rainbow reference in some instances. Take “The Wizard of Oz” for example. While Dorothy is in Kansas, everything in the movie is in black and white. But once she goes “over the rainbow,” everything changes. The movie suddenly becomes color. Everything is out of the ordinary, too, with talking scarecrows and a man made from tin. The rainbow is the boundary between the world of reality and the dream world Dorothy enters. It also symbolizes hope and renewal because for her, going “over the rainbow” meant a whole new life, with new possibilities and freedom from the stresses she was experiencing at the time. Rainbows have also taken on the meaning of a bridge between human beings and supernatural beings like gods. In Norse mythology, a rainbow called the Bifrost connects the earth with the land of the gods, called Asgard. Ancient beliefs in the Japanese and Gabon cultures, rainbows were the bridges that ancestral human beings used to come down to the earth. In the Bible, rainbows were the promise to the world never to send a devastating worldwide flood again. But rainbow symbolism isn’t always a positive thing. In parts of Burma, rainbows are said to represent demons that threaten children. And in some tribes in the Amazon rainforest, rainbows represent disease. One of the most famous myths surrounding the rainbow is the Irish legend that a leprechaun has placed a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Of course, since rainbows aren’t just arcs but circles, they don’t have an end so there is no pot of gold. Other meanings of rainbows include the following: life, divinity, promise, creation, initiation, potential, provision, harmony, expansion, ascension, spirituality, connection, transformation and unity. Rainbow Legend We now know how a rainbow is made. Scientifically, that is. But for many years before that discovery, cultures around the world have created their own stories of how rainbows are made. The Native American Ojibwe Nation has a fantastic legend of how the rainbow was made. A man named Nanabozho, who lived in a house near a waterfall, looked out his window one day and noticed that all the flowers in his meadow were a boring, off-white color. Deciding these flowers needed some sprucing up, he gathered up his paintbrushes and pains and headed out to the meadow. He set his things up in the tall grass of the meadow and pulled out his red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violets paints, and began to paint the flowers. He painted the violets a dark blue and the tiger lilies got a nice orange undercoat with brown dots on top. The roses he painted red, pink and purples. He used every possible color combination he could think of on the pansies and he chose a bright yellow for the daffodils. As he worked, two bluebirds were flying overhead, playing a game of chase. Nanabozho noticed the birds and would take a few minutes every now and then to watch the two birds play on the seemingly endless expanse of the bright blue sky. The birds decided to see how quickly they could dive down to the meadow below them and when the first bluebird did, he pulled up at the last minute to avoid a crash, but not before his right wing dipped into Nanabozho’s red paint. The second bird followed and replicated his friend’s moves, only he accidentally dipped his left wing in the orange paint. Nanabozho tried to shoo the birds away but the pair kept up their game and before long, their feet and feathers were covered with all the different colors of paint. Nanabozho finally managed to wave the birds away and they reluctantly left the man to his work and flew away to resume their game of chase. The birds began chasing each other over the top of the waterfall near Nanabozho’s house and as the mist from the waterfall sprayed onto the birds, the paint began to come off. The first bird left a long red streak against the sky and his friend left an orange streak. The pair kept at it and eventually the pair had smeared the sky with all the colors from Nanbozho’s pallet in the shape of an arch. Nanabozho saw what had transpired and was so happy to see what they birds left behind that he left the rainbow permanently floating above the waterfall. And from then on, whenever the sun shines through the rain or the mist, a rainbow forms. Issue 649
SNIPPETZ SAYS, AN OXYMORON IS AN AWFULLY GREAT THING by Lindsey Harrison “It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” – Mark Twain You probably don’t realize it but our everyday speech is peppered with things that, when you really stop to look at it, don’t quite make sense. Take the oxymoron for example. These interesting little figures of speech make perfect sense in context because we’re all so used to them. But broken down, they seem to contradict themselves. And that’s what makes them fun. People like Samuel Goldwyn, an influential movie producer who worked from the 1920s to the 1950s managed to create a humorous facet of his persona that was based in the use of the oxymoron. What better way to make people laugh than to say something that sounds great but doesn’t really make any sense? Snippetz became curious and decided we had to look into the oxymoron and see if we could find some funny ones to share with you, our faithful readers. So, read on! What is an Oxymoron? First off, the plural of oxymoron is not oxymorons; it’s oxymora. So what are oxymora? There are really two ways to use or create an oxymoron. The first is as we mentioned above: when a figure of speech, based on either the words used or the context in which they are placed, produce a self-contradictory effect. Think about “jumbo shrimp.” The words make sense and you probably know that someone means a large category of the crustacean called shrimp when they say that particular phrase. But how can something be considered jumbo, which means big or large, and shrimp, which means small or tiny at the same time? The second type is called a rhetorical oxymoron and is a more conscious decision on the part of the speaker to put together a phrase composed of words that are not inherently contradictory but help express the opinion that implies the words cannot occur together. For example, some people would consider “bipartisan cooperation” an oxymoron, indicating that the two main political parties cannot possibly cooperate. The intent is usually not malicious; it’s usually meant to be a joke. Examples of Oxymora Some oxymora are a little harder to spot than others because we’ve become too accustomed to using them in everyday speech. Others are more obvious to pick out. We’ve compiled a list and a brief explanation of some oxymora for you to peruse. Enjoy! Act naturally – how can somebody possibly act naturally if, when they are being natural, they aren’t acting? Exact estimate – an estimate is an educated guess. So the fact that the estimate is exact is the exact opposite of a guess, right? We like to think so . . . Elevated subway – the prefix “sub” means under, which is why subways are called what they are since they run below the ground. So if you elevate it above the ground, it’s no longer a subway. In fact, a subway that runs above the ground is pretty much a train, right? Why not just call it an elevated train, then? Boneless ribs – ribs are bones. So how do you get ribs without the bones? When you see this product, the meat around the rib bones without the bones present, the phrase makes sense but when you really look at it, you can see how it’s a perfect oxymoron! Authentic replica or genuine imitation – we can see how this one makes sense as a phrase but again, it’s a great example of an oxymoron. How can something be both authentic and a replica at the same time? How can something, like leather for example, be genuine and imitation at the same time? We wouldn’t be at all surprised if this little gem was invented by advertising agencies to make replicas more enticing to consumers by throwing in a word like “authentic” or “genuine” to trick our minds. Sneaky, sneaky. Random order or random pattern – random is defined as lacking any definite plan or prearranged order. That said, pairing “random” with something like “order” or “pattern” is certainly an oxymoron because the first word contradicts the second. Of course, we all know that random order means the order was not prearranged and that random pattern means the pattern was not predetermined, either. Still, the phrase makes you wonder . . . Relative stranger – how can someone be both a relative and a stranger? Well, if you live in a big Irish-Catholic family and have 30 first cousins, several of which you’ve only met once or twice, then it makes sense. But it’s still an oxymoron. Rolling stop – if you’re rolling, you have not stopped and if you’ve stopped, you’re not rolling. For many people, learning to drive from their parents included the occasional reference to a “rolling stop,” usually in conjunction with the disclaimer that just because mom and dad do rolling stops doesn’t mean you can, too. Deafening silence – how can silence be deafening if silence, by definition is the lack of sound? Many of us can relate to that feeling that the silence is deafening but the literal meaning is very contradictory, making this a great oxymoron. Serious fun – isn’t it interesting how when someone wants to express that they are having a large amount of fun, they call it “serious fun?” It almost seems more appropriate to call it delirious fun, something that denotes a happy time rather than something akin to work. Although, let’s be honest, some work can be fun. Right, George? Slumber party – sleeping is definitely a great pastime but it’s hard to categorize it as a party. Of course, we all know that there isn’t much sleeping happening at a slumber party, especially if it includes giggly little girls. That said, this still qualifies as an oxymoron. Numbing sensation – if being numb means a lack of sensation, then what does the sensation of numbing feel like? Maybe we could make a new phrase for this feeling that feels like a lack of feeling . . . Natural makeup – isn’t it interesting to consider the idea that women consciously put on make that makes it look like they have no makeup on? This oxymoron is one in both name and action, making it that much more powerful, if you ask us. Literal interpretation – if something is literally happening, there’s no need for interpretation. However, we’ve all been around that person who doesn’t understand certain turns of phrase and who actually does interpret everything you say literally. Mostly, those people are under the age of six, but not always. Fresh dried fruit – it’s a little confusing to consider that a fruit that is dried and processed could be considered fresh. Perhaps there’s something about certain dried fruits that allows a company to categorize them as fresh but the irony of the title is not lost on us. Head butt – no, not butthead. Head butt, as in the act of hitting someone with your head. This one is interesting because put together, the two words make up an action but taken apart, represent two parts of the body that are basically polar opposites from one another. They’re not necessarily contradictory but taking the terms literally (like a literal interpretation, if you will) results in a funny picture, don’t you think? |
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