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Issue 870
WHAT A MELON? NO... WATERMELON! by Lindsey Harrison 
“When one has tasted watermelon, he knows what the angels eat.”
– Mark Twain, American writer It’s summer. The days are lasting longer and people all over the country are trying to find ways to beat the heat. Sure, there’s always the community swimming pool or even a sprinkler on the front lawn if you’re in a pinch. But for those of us who aren’t 11 or who don’t have the freedom to strip down to our bathing suits in the middle of the day, we have to get a bit creative. While a bucket of ice water on the floor under your desk to soak your feet in sounds pretty awesome, that’s also not necessarily practical. But no boss on earth would in good conscience deny their employee a delicious, nutritious snack of watermelon. That’s just wrong. If you’ve been a Snippetz reading for any period of time, you know that when we find a topic we really love, we can’t leave it alone. And you should also know that whenever that topic is food, we put everything we have into bringing you the best information – Snippetz, if you will – about that food. Can you guess what food we’ve picked this time? If you said watermelon, good job. If not, you need to step up your reading comprehension game. Either way, dig in to this article that’s all about watermelons! (WATER)MELON MYTHS Because people like to make things up to be cool, there are lots of different claims floating around out there about nearly everything, including watermelons. Luckily for you, your trusty neighborhood Snippetz magazine is here to set the record straight! Myth #1: You can grow square watermelons This one is part myth, part truth. While it is not possible to plant so-called square watermelon seeds to grow a watermelon cube (trust us, don’t buy the ones they advertise on Amazon), it is possible to force watermelons to grow in such a manner. It’s actually a common practice in Japan, where farmers have determined that a lot of space could be saved in a person’s fridge if the watermelon were to be grown to a precise shape, with precise measurements. While the melon is still growing on the vine, the farmers simply slip the fruit into a tempered glass case and let it do its thing. One thing to consider is cost, however. A normal watermelon in Japan costs about $15 to $25, which is astronomical by our standards, but a square watermelon can cost up to $82. Myth #2: There is a type of watermelon called the “moonmelon” that has blue flesh When you think of a watermelon, you usually think of the fleshy yumminess as being red or deep pink. However, watermelons do come in other colors, including yellow, orange and light green. One myth that has circulated for years is that a rare melon, called the moonmelon, looks like a regular watermelon on the outside but is a deep turquoise blue inside. Leave it to the internet to make that myth explode into a readily-accepted claim. But truth be told, moonmelons don’t exist. When you consider the origins of the myth, however, it’s easy to see why so many people have been duped. The website “What About Watermelon” that is sort of a resident expert in all things watermelon-related released the myth about the moonmelon as an April Fools’ Day joke. Good one. THIS MEANS WAR! Although it sounds like a completely mythical, made-up scenario, we swear that the Watermelon War is a completely real historical event! It all happened on April 15, 1856 in Panama. Now, let’s not forget that these weren’t easy times between the Americans and the Panamanians. For starters, once the trans-Panama railroad was completed, the US (which was in charge of constructing it) did away with jobs that had been previously held by Panamanians and put American workers in their place. Bad call from the start, right? Right. So, to say things were tense would be an accurate statement. Now, let’s add in a couple thousand passengers disembarking from a steamer called the John L. Stephens, which had just reached port in Taboga Island. As you can probably imagine, several of the passengers who disembarked were less than sober. One in particular, named Jack Oliver (who also happened to be an American), had imbibed a bit too much and headed to a local market where he proceeded to snatch a slice of watermelon out of a Panamanian vendor’s hands. For whatever dumb reason, Oliver decided he wasn’t going to pay for his slice, so the vendor pulled out a knife and demanded payment. Realizing that drama was to ensue, one of Oliver’s friends offered to pay for the watermelon but drunk ole Oliver decided his best move was to pull a gun. He was wrong. Murphy’s Law came into play just then and the gun accidentally discharged, injuring a random (and completely innocent) bystander. As you may have guessed, a riot broke out that resulted in 17 people being killed, while dozens of others were wounded . . . and that’s how a war broke out over a watermelon. Granted, that was the only real battle of the war, but suffice it to say that things weren’t hunky-dory between the two countries for quite a while afterwards. WATERMELON WORLD RECORDS Of course there are watermelon world records! Here are a few of the more interesting ones.
WATERMELON SNIPPETZ
Issue 871
SNIPPETZ REVEALS THE REAL NAMES FOR STRANGE BODY CONDITIONS by Lindsey Harrison “They certainly give very strange names to diseases.” – Plato, Greek philosopher Once again, Plato, that amazing ancient philosopher hit the nail on the head. Diseases do have strange names. Sometimes you wonder if the person who named it just grabbed a dictionary, opened it to a random page, closed their eyes and placed their finger someplace on that page. Seriously, who came up with chicken pox? Does it really come from chickens? Nope. This writer had them when she was little and had never once come in contact with a chicken prior to that. So, how in the world do these diseases get their names? Well, that’s a big order to fill and we at Snippetz just don’t have the time to go that deep into a discussion. Give us a break, OK? We have lives, too. Just kidding. We don’t. Anyway, there are other conditions that are similarly strangely-named and that’s where we decided to focus our energy and this article. Remember back in Snippetz issue number 855 how we tackled Bizarre Body Behavior and uncovered some really interesting things about how our bodies behave, like why we get goosebumps and why they’re called goosebumps in the first place? If not, we are so disappointed in you for not reading it! If so, then you’ll be happy to know this article will pair nicely with that one as we investigate the real names for interesting body conditions. BRAIN FREEZE Since there’s no “right” way to start an article like this, we decided to start at the top and work our way down. So, imagine this: it’s a million degrees outside (figuratively, of course) and you are dying for something cold to snack on. You decide to swing by your local convenience store to grab a slushy-type drink. You fill up the largest size cup with your favorite flavor and while you’re standing in line to pay, you can’t resist taking a huge slurp. Then it hits you – a brain freeze. Your head feels like it’s going to explode, and you can barely keep your eyes open because of the nearly blinding pain. Now, we all know that your brain is not literally freezing. If you didn’t, you do now so you’re welcome. Anyway, what’s happening when you get a brain freeze is that you are experiencing a cold-stimulus headache. Why this happens is marginally debatable, but one thing is sure: the real name for a brain freeze is a sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia. (Say that three times fast, we dare you!) While that name is certainly a mouthful, it literally translates to “pain of the nerve located on the roof of your mouth.” How apt! You may be wondering why chugging a huge glass of ice-cold water doesn’t cause the same reaction. Well, consider how you drink a slushy drink: through a straw. The straw actually channels all the cold liquid right to the roof of your mouth, where that nasty little nerve lives. There are several ways to may be able to stop a brain freeze before you’re curled up on the ground in the fetal position, calling for you mom. First, press your tongue or your thumb or really anything warm (and hygienic) against the roof of your mouth. Second, open your mouth and cover it with your hand. Breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose to hopefully help warm the inside of your mouth. Lastly, tilt your head back for about 10 second or until the pain subsides. BRAIN FART What a lovely name, right? But you probably know exactly what we’re talking about and it’s probably happened to you a time or two. A brain fart is that instant when you forget something you were previously thinking about, forget the name of a common item, or just plan lose your whole train of thought. It’s the “on the tip of my tongue” feeling and for people who pride themselves in being able to communicate clearly and succinctly, it’s super frustrating. While we can all relate to the “brain fart feeling,” and we all understand what someone mean’s when they say they’re having a brain fart, that’s not the technical term for the condition. Surprised, aren’t you? The real name for a brain fair is tip of the tongue phenomenon, or TOT, and was first described by William James, a psychologist, in 1890. However, if you’re from the Cheyenne Indian tribe, you’d know it as “navonotootse’a” or “I have lost it on my tongue.” Similarly, in Korea, the phenomenon is known as “hyeu kkedu-te mam-dol-da” or “sparkling at the end of my tongue.” TONGUE-TIED Speaking of tongues, you’ve probably heard the next strangely named condition: tongue-tied. However, the difference between this condition and the others is that it is an actual physical condition that people suffer from that can be corrected with surgery. Brain farts, not so much. So, here’s the real condition behind the term tongue-tied, which is formally called ankyloglossia. As we develop in our mother’s womb, a strong cord of tissue helps guide the mouth structures into position in the center of the mouth, namely the tongue. This cord is called a frenulum, more specifically a lingual frenulum. As we get older, the frenulum recedes and thins so that many of us are left with the tiny cord below our tongues that appears to anchor said tongues to the bottom of our mouths. In a person that is “tongue-tied,” this frenulum either has not receded enough or is too tight, causing tongue mobility problems, leading to eating or speech problems. However, the term has taken on new meaning, referring more to being speechless either from surprise or awe or any number of strong reactions, rather than having a physical abnormality. Basically, it just means you’re having difficulty expressing yourself verbally. FROG IN YOUR THROAT Would it surprise you to know that if your throat is croaky, you’re said to have a frog in your throat? No, you do not literally have a frog in your throat; it’s an idiom referring to a problem with your throat, be it a sore throat, hoarseness, etc. There are a few possible origins of this particular idiom, some that make more sense than others. There’s the claim that “snake oil merchants,” the people who would make up some sort of bogus potion and peddle it to people who had certain issues, would hold demonstrations of how their potion worked. They would give their undercover assistant, who conveniently is unable to speak, a sip of the potion and suddenly the assistant would “cough” up a frog and magically be able to speak again. We know this now to be mere slight of hand and tomfoolery (man, that’s an awesome word). Others include believing that putting the secretions from a frog in your mouth could help soothe a sore throat. We think we’d rather just take the fake potion and skip the secretions, but that’s just us. CHARLEY HORSE A charley horse is a term commonly used in the U.S. and Canada to refer to a spasm or cramp, usually in the leg muscle. There are several possible causes to charley horses, including an injury, lack of hydration, blood flow issues and lack of potassium. But that’s a strange name for a cramp, isn’t it? There must be some awesome story behind that name and we agree, there probably is. We just don’t know which one the real story is. Maybe you can figure it out! Story No. 1 says that a baseball team in Tennessee used to have a horse named Charley that would pull the dust-brush around the baseball diamond to smooth the dirt. Supposedly, Charley was a lame horse and limped around in a very noticeable manner. So much so that when a member of the baseball team developed a similar limp, his teammates began calling him Charley Horse. Story No. 2 says the term was in reference to a pitcher named Charley “Old Hoss” Radbourne how frequently suffered from cramps during games. Issue 872
NATURAL FOODS MAY NOT BE NATURAL... SO WHAT ARE THEY? by Lindsey Harrison “The English language has 112 words for deception, according to one count, each with a different shade of meaning: collusion, fakery, malingering, self-deception, confabulation, prevarication, exaggeration, denial.” – Robin Marantz Henig, American writer In today’s world, it is becoming more and more difficult to know who to trust when it comes to the distribution of information. With “fake news” floating around just about everywhere, it can be overwhelming trying to get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God. Perhaps one of the scariest things about this trend of dishonesty is that it extends to the foods we eat. Seriously? We can’t trust what we read on food labels anymore? In some cases, yes. Now, that’s no reason to go off the deep end and eat whatever junk you want just because you know it’s probably all crap anyway. We said in SOME cases. There are certain rules that must be followed when listing ingredients. However, new buzz words have popped up lately that frequently lead consumers to believe they’re buying something that is better for you, more natural, than it really is. Snippetz was appalled when we found out about this and knew we had an obligation to inform our devoted readers of the deceptive ways foods are made to seem natural but really aren’t. GROCERY SHOPPING JUST GOT HARDER Picture this: you’re walking through the aisles of your favorite grocery store and happen upon a new brand of cereal that claims to be 100 percent organic, made with ancient whole grains, blah blah blah. Comparing that to what you typically buy (Lucky Charms anyone?) you may think you’ve found something that could really be a game-changer in helping you create a healthier lifestyle. When you flip the box over and read the back, you notice that the “no sugar added” claim may be technically correct, but other sweeteners like sucralose – a.k.a. Splenda – has been added. You might as well stick with the cereal that comes right out and shows you the marshmallows they put in there than buy the one hiding the parts they think you don’t want to see. That’s just ONE way food manufacturers can deceive the average consumer. Worse than that is the claim that something is “natural” or “all-natural.” Who wouldn’t think that a naturally-flavored product would be better, more natural, than one with artificial flavors? And especially in our society where health and fitness are massive industries that cash in billions in each from consumers, it’s easy to see why labeling a food item as such would be beneficial. But let’s not forget one thing: first and foremost, manufacturers want to sell you their product. They don’t truly care if you are on a health kick and are trying to lose weight. What they care about is that you buy their product in favor of a competitor’s comparable product. IS NATURAL REALLY NATURAL? The answer to the above question is no. Natural doesn’t always mean natural. You’re probably asking yourself how in the world that can be legal? Whatever happened to truth in advertising, right? Well, that applies but only in certain cases. Here’s the main crux of the issue: there is no formal definition of natural or all-natural according to the Food and Drug Administration. So, when a company puts a label on their product that says natural, you would expect everything in it to be natural, right? Well, let’s take the example of raw chicken. In order to help it stay fresher longer, things like sodium or other preservatives are often added or injected. So, how can that be natural? Those preservatives, the manufacturers argue, are natural themselves so there’s nothing wrong with claiming the product is natural. On the other hand, the USDA does have a definition for “natural” but it only applies to meat and poultry. The definition essentially says that a food product or ingredient can only be termed “natural” or “all natural” if it does not contain any synthetic or artificial ingredients. But again, if the manufacturer argues that sodium and other types of preservatives are natural, you’d probably have a nice legal battle on your hands that likely the manufacturer would win. What this often means for the average consumer is that they look for a variety of buzz words to indicate the “natural” nature of the food they’re buying, for example, something that claims to be “naturally flavored.” The average person would assume that means there is nothing unnatural or artificial about the flavoring of the product. Sure, that package of fruit snacks may be naturally flavored with pear puree or apple juice, but that’s a far cry from being a natural product. Especially when the other ingredients for a product like that often include sugar, hydrogenated oil and emulsifiers, to name a few. Something interesting you may not have considered are that some foods actually claim things like “no artificial colors or flavors” when in reality, artificial colors and flavors aren’t used to make the product normally. The manufacturer wants the consumer to think the product has somehow been improved because it doesn’t contain artificial colors or flavors; but in the instance of standard cheeses, including packaged cheese slices, no artificial flavors or colors were ever used to make them. But it sure does make you think about which brand to buy when you see that claim on the label, doesn’t it? WHAT’S “ORGANIC” GOT TO DO WITH IT? For years, the term “organic” was synonymous with “natural.” Like, how exactly were you going to find an apple, just a normal piece of fruit plucked from a normal fruit-bearing tree, that wasn’t organic or natural? It literally grew from the earth and that’s it. But anymore, the term “organic” has come to mean something else because the USDA started to crack down and require that products labeled “organic” met certain standards. Basically, in order to be considered “organic” 95 percent or more of the ingredients in the product must have been grown or processed with synthetic pesticides, synthetic fertilizers, and other such similar standards. Additionally, any product that states it was made with organic ingredients must have a minimum of 70 percent of the total ingredients meet the “organic” standard outlined above. BUT WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? The takeaway from this article is that there is a modicum of common sense needed in order to truly understand what you’re buying. If you’re buying a health shake that claims to be “all-natural,” consider how each ingredient was made. Would something have to have been done to it to make it a powder or to help it stay fresh longer? If so, likely it isn’t all-natural because it has been altered in some way. But don’t fear! Manufacturers are slowly but surely being held accountable for the use of the word “natural” in inappropriate or deceptive ways. For instance, Kashi’s All Natural GoLean Shakes, which are almost entirely made from synthetic and unnaturally created and processed ingredients was recently in the spotlight for the deceptive nature of the name. To continue the trend of holding manufacturers accountable for accurate product labeling, especially when it comes to items that are supposedly “natural” or “all-natural,” we the consumers are going to have to use our common sense, as we mentioned above, but also our voices to make it known that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Issue 873
SNIPPETZ SCARES UP FACTS ABOUT STEPHEN KING’S RISE THE KING OF HORROR by Lindsey Harrison “People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk.” – Stephen King, American author If you don’t know anything about author Stephen King, the quote above probably freaks you out a bit. Honestly, if it didn’t, we might be a little worried about you. But chances are, you’ve heard of Stephen King before. Maybe you watched one of his movies when you were younger and it scarred you for life. Or maybe you got your introduction to adult, sci-fi, spooky themes reading one of his many books or short stories. Even if his writing style isn’t quite to your liking, there’s no denying that the world loves Stephen King and this writer is no exception. As a young girl, this writer and her older brother watched the original version of the movie “It,” adapted from one of the horror writer’s novels. Years later, she began her long-standing love affair with his writing and made short work of “Carrie” before jumping into other such titles as “Gerald’s Game,” “Needful Things,” and “The Shining.” Some might say that those books aren’t exactly appropriate fodder for a young teenage girl to read and others would say that it certainly explains a lot about how that teenage girl turned out. Regardless of your personal views on the subject, Stephen King, King of Horror if you will, is the absolute perfect person for Snippetz to highlight this time around because, well, he’s amaze-balls. So, buckle up and enjoy the horror-show! EARLY LIFE Stephen Edwin King was born on Sept. 21, 1947 in Portland, Maine, to Donald and Nellie King. Donald was not in the picture long once he and Nellie separated, and Stephen and his older brother, David, were essentially raised almost exclusively by their mother. He spent time living near relatives in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and Stratford, Connecticut, but spent the majority of his early life living in Durham, Maine. To say that young Stephen King was a natural at writing would be a bit of an understatement. Not only did he write stories for his older brother’s “newspaper,” called Dave’s Rag, but he also managed to turn a profit from selling the stories to friends. However, it came to light that some of Stephen’s stories were based on movies he had seen and his teachers at school made him give back the money he had acquired from selling the stories. But guys, seriously. How smart is that? Considering Hollywood routinely throws movies that are thinly-veiled derivatives of others out to the public and expects us not to notice, we think it’s fair that a budding author take a chance at some artistic license to create stories from movies he’d seen. Anyway, Stephen’s interest in horror stories developed early on. He routinely read horror comics including “Tales from the Crypt,” which may seem strange to some but perfectly normal to this writer who happened to do the exact same thing at a young age. However, the draw to write about all things creepy, scary, disgusting, eerie, weird, etc. may have come from a terrible incident he witnessed as a kid. Stephen and some friends were playing near some train tracks when one of the boys was suddenly struck and killed by an oncoming train. Although he claims to have no memory of the event, family members related their experience with Stephen when he came home after the accident, seemingly in shock. They didn’t know what had happened and only learned later that the young boy had died, all while Stephen and the other boys watched. If you were to ask the writer himself, he’d likely tell you that a main inspiration for his love of all things horror could be traced back to the discovery of his father’s copy of H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Lurker in the Shadows.” Needless to say, his first published story was a horror story called, “I Was a Teenage Grave Robber.” It was independently published over a series of four issues (although the fourth issue was never actually published) in the fanzine, Comics Review, when Stephen was 18. Not too shabby. AND THEN . . . So, if you had a prolific and insanely talented writer as the subject of an article, like, perhaps, this Snippetz article, how would you narrow down all the incredible information about that person so it would fit in just one magazine issue? Maybe you’d talk about the fact that the talented writer (we’re still talking about Stephen King, in case you got lost for a minute) was actually hit by a minivan in 1999. And, no he didn’t die. Here’s what happened: Stephen was walking along the shoulder of a road in Lovell, Maine, minding his own business. A minivan, driven by a man who says he was distracted by a dog he was driving with in the back of the van, hit Stephen, throwing him about 14 feet off the road into a ditch. Of course, he survived (considering he’s still alive today that makes sense, right?) but he sustained a collapsed right lung, multiple fractures to his right leg, scalp lacerations and a broken hip. Stephen was kept in the hospital for almost three weeks, during which doctors considered amputating his badly broken right leg. Later, Stephen bought the minivan that hit him with the supposed hopes of beating the ever-loving crap out of it, but it was later crushed in a junkyard instead. During his recovery, he brainstormed the idea for “Lisey’s Story,” one of his reportedly favorite works. OK, so he was hit by a van and, like Superman, survived and came back swinging. What else? Well, how about the fact that Stephen’s first novel, “Carrie,” spent some time in the trash. Like, he threw it away because he thought it was absolute garbage. Luckily, his wife, Tabitha (who happens to be a talented writer in her own right and also pretty darn smart) fished it out and told him to keep working on it. Turns out, that was some incredible advice, considering that the book as a paperback has earned Stephen more than $400,000. If only he could find a way to be successful, right? (Please note the intense use of sarcasm here). Fair enough. He’s clearly talented and apparently immortal. But did you know that Stephen King also collaborated on a musical with John Mellencamp and T Bone Burnett? Yes, THAT John Mellencamp. Anyway, the musical was called, “Ghost Brothers of Darkland County” and debuted in 2012. True to Stephen’s genre, the musical was based on the ghost story associated with a house that John Mellencamp had purchased in Indiana. The story goes that three siblings were goofing around in the woods together when one of the brothers was accidentally shot. The other brother and their sister attempted to go get help by hauling butt to their car and speeding off, but supposedly they lost control of the car and swerved into a tree, where they both died instantly. Now, all three are reported to haunt the woods by the house. Again, that’s great and all but being a successful writer, immortal (apparently), and pretty well connected are not such amazing things (again, note the sarcasm). If you add in that Stephen King also happens to play a mean rhythm guitar and even formed a band with several other successful writers, including Mitch Albom, Barbara Kingsolver and Matt Groening (creator of “The Simpsons”) to name a few. As you can see, we could go on and on about Stephen King but we feel we’ve whet your appetite enough that if you haven’t taken the chance to read one of his works, you certainly should feel compelled to now. Issue 874
LINCOLN AND KENNEDY: COINCIDENCE OR REACHING TOO FAR? by Lindsey Harrison “There is always room for coincidence.” – Alva Noto, German artist Chaos surrounds us. There’s no doubt about that. Especially if you happen to have young school-aged children who are home for the summer and who have apparently forgotten how to function. “Mama. Mama. Mama. Ma. Ma. Ma. Mommy. Mommy.” Hearing this litany in the background of your day as you try to work or concentrate can certainly make anyone feel like their world is spinning out of control. And in situations like that, it’s no surprise that we would seek to find order in the midst of the chaos. Sometimes the order we seek is in the form of organizing the untidiness that is a result of everyone forgetting how to put things back . . . apparently, that’s a skill you lose over the summer, just like being able to perform complex mathematical problems. But more often than not, the order we seek comes in the form of coincidences. Like, wow, what a coincidence that when you were craving something sugary and carb-loaded, your coworker walks in with a box of donuts. That’s a pretty “sweet” coincidence, right? There are other coincidences that we seek that perhaps might be less coincidence and more of us just really wanting to make things make sense. You’re probably confused as to where we’re going with all of this, so we’ll just hurry up and tell you. President Abraham Lincoln, and President John F. Kennedy. You may or may not have heard about the “similarities” between the two presidents and they were probably a bit spooky. But we at Snippetz know our dear readers deserve the truth and so we started to investigate those similarities. You may be shocked at what we’ve found! IT ALL STARTED WITH A LIST Now, we can’t point fingers at any one person, but somewhere along the line, a list was created that drew connections between Lincoln and Kennedy. The connections appeared to be legitimate and it certainly had people talking. Like, even people at Ivy-league colleges were doing reports and research papers on the supposed connections. So, here are the supposed connections, according to that infamous list. But don’t worry. We’ll help you see the truth! 1). Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846 and Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Additionally, both men were elected to the presidency 100 years apart. TRUE, but studies show that we humans often give round numbers, like 100 for instance, a greater meaning than it truly deserves. What’s so special about 100, anyway? 2). Both presidents were concerned with civil rights. TRUE-ISH. Yes, major leaps in civil rights occurred while each president was in office, but that doesn’t exactly mean they were civil rights activists. Lincoln did sign the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863, but in a debate with Stephen Douglas (the incumbent senator from the Democratic Party) in 1858, Lincoln stated: “I will say that I am not, nor have I ever been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races.” So much for that theory! 3). Both of their wives lost a child while living in the White House. TRUE. The Lincoln’s 11-year-old son died of typhoid while the Kennedy’s lost their child a few days after it was born premature. Technically speaking, it wasn’t just the wives who lost children while in the White House, but that’s what the list states! Sounds a bit deceptive if you ask us. 4). Both presidents were assassinated on a Friday. TRUE. Lincoln was assassinated on Friday, April 14, 1865 and Kennedy was assassinated on Friday, November 22, 1963. But there’s also a 1 in 7 chance that they would be assassinated on the same day of the week, right? Not a huge coincidence, really. 5). Both presidents were shot in the head. TRUE. Sad, but true. 6). Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy and Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln. 50% TRUE. Kennedy did have a secretary named Evelyn Lincoln, but Lincoln never had a secretary named Kennedy. 7). Both presidents were assassinated by Southerners. 50% TRUE (technically speaking). John Wilkes Booth, Lincoln’s assassin, was a Southern sympathizer but spent most of his life in the North and identified as a Northerner. Lee Harvey Oswald, Kennedy’s assassin, was born in New Orleans but didn’t identify with either the North or South because he moved around quite a bit. 8). Both presidents were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson, who were also born 100 years apart. TRUE. Even we have to say that this coincidence is a bit spooky. 9). John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839 and Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939. 50% TRUE. Booth was actually born on May 10, 1838 and Oswald was born on Oct. 18, 1939. Without that 100-year similarity, this “coincidence” isn’t really so special anymore. 10). Both assassins were known by their three names. TRUE. But let’s clarify something really quickly: Oswald didn’t go by his three names really ever, until after the assassination and that was simply because the police and media used his full name to make sure they properly identified him. Wilkes went by either “J. Wilkes Booth” or “John Wilkes,” never John Wilkes Booth. Again, that was an identification thing that came up after the assassination. 11). Both assassin’s names have 15 letters in them. TRUE. But so does “Lindsey Harrison.” Just sayin’. 12). Lincoln was assassinated in “Ford’s” theater and Kennedy was assassinated in a “Lincoln” Continental made by “Ford.” TRUE. Guys, this one is legit and again, a bit spooky. 13). Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before they were brought to trial. TRUE. The circumstances surrounding their deaths were quite different, however. Booth was shot in the neck by a federal officer named Boston Corbett while he attempted to evade arrest. Booth was killed by Jack Ruby, a night club owner, two days after he was arrested and while in police custody. 14). A week before Lincoln was assassinated, he visited Monroe, Maryland; a week before Kennedy was assassinated, he visited Marilyn Monroe. FALSE. Guys, there is no Monroe, Maryland. There’s a street that is approximately 217 feet long called Monroe Street in Point Rocks, Maryland but that’s it. The supposed similarity comes through a play on words with Monroe, Maryland and Marilyn Monroe. And considering that Marilyn Monroe was Kennedy’s “alleged” lover, it makes sense that he may have visited her. But there’s no proof and it certainly doesn’t add up to a coincidence with what Lincoln was up to a week before he died. 15). Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran to a warehouse; Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran to a theater. FALSE. Booth did shoot Lincoln in Ford’s Theater but he evaded police for 12 days before being found in a tobacco shed, not a warehouse. Oswald was said to have shot Kennedy from a book depository (kind of a warehouse, we guess) and was captured in a movie theater a couple hours later. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? Well, it means that there are people out there with a lot of time on their hands who have managed to scrape together some similarities between the lives and deaths of Lincoln and Kennedy. That’s what it means. But here’s the kicker, in 1992, the magazine Skeptical Inquirer held a contest asking for submissions of similar lists of coincidences between presidents. One winner found coincidences between 21 pairs of presidents and another found 16 coincidences between Kennedy and former Mexican President Alvaro Obregón. Conclusion: there is always room for coincidence, right, Alva Noto? Issue 875
DO YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER? SNIPPETZ INVESTIGATES IMMORTALITY by Lindsey Harrison “If you were to destroy the belief in immortality in mankind, not only love but every living force on which the continuation of all life in the world depended, would dry up at once.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky, Russian novelist As youngsters, we probably all shared the thought that being immortal would be awesome. You could see all the different time periods in the future. You could go on every ride at Six Flags Elitch Gardens in Denver and not worry that the ride would suddenly break and kill you. Of course, the flip side is that, unless everyone you loved was also immortal, you’d have to go through the pain of losing each of those people. And if everyone you love is gone, what’s the fun in being immortal? Luckily for us, that’s not a proven option . . . yet. Regardless of whether or not immortality is or ever will be an option, there’s no denying that it has been on our minds as a human race since, well, since the beginning of the human race! Clearly something as intriguing as immortality would cause more than just a minor blip on Snippetz’s radar, and that’s why we’re here today. We have compiled some interesting information, theories, legends and the like about immortality so you can decide if it’s in our future or not. Take a few minutes out of your precious mortal time on this earth and check out this incredible issue of your favorite magazine, Snippetz! IMMORTALITY IN POP CULTURE As an avid reader, this author has stumbled across a nifty little book you may have heard of: the #1 New York Times Bestseller “All the Light We Cannot See” by Anthony Doerr. Oh, you’ve read it? Great! Then you’ll likely recall the legend relayed at the beginning of the book about the Sea of Flames. If you haven’t, that’s OK. We’ve got your back. In the story, young Marie-Laure LeBlanc is in Paris, visiting the Muséum National d’Histoire Naturelle. She and her father are being escorted by a museum guide who tells them about various things in the museum, including the legend of the Sea of Flames, a diamond that supposedly bestowed immortality on whomever possessed it. But there was a twist: those closest to the stone’s owner would have terrible things happen to them, resulting in their deaths. The legend within that legend claims that the Goddess of the Earth had made the Sea of Flames diamond as a gift for the God of the Sea. She attempted to send the gift using a river but the river dried up and the stone was discovered by a prince who (naturally) kept it. The Goddess was so mad that she cursed the stone, causing its owner to live forever while his or her loved ones experienced misfortunes that came “one after another in unending rain.” See? That’s what we meant about immortality not being so great after all. But not all pop culture sees only doom and gloom for the possibility of immortality. For instance, an article written by “futurist” Thomas Frey and published on April 9, 2018, sets out the “positives” of immortality (as well as the “negatives”). He claims, “over the next couple of decades, most of us will have the opportunity to decide how long we want to live.” Yes, we can somewhat do that already but really our only option now is to die earlier than we might if we let nature take its course. But that’s depressing so we’re moving on. Frey literally spells out what he thinks would be the good things we could gain from immortality including the following:
Interestingly enough, Frey also explains what he thinks might be the less-than-awesome things about being immortal including the following:
WE HAVE A THEORY . . . One point of clarification is that in general, Frey discusses what would be good/bad about living to a much older age, not necessarily true immortality. And that’s the thing about theories regarding immortality. They become inherently messy (and boring) because they delve into things that really come down to semantics. For example, you have to determine whether you mean immortality of the physical body or immortality of the soul. But then, you have to assume that means we all have a soul. Most religions would agree that we do but there are people who don’t believe in ANY religion and therefore, may not believe in souls. So, what does immortality look like to those people? As you can see, there are so many unknowns about immortality that just trying to define it in a manner that we can all agree upon is difficult, if not impossible. Still, it’s an interesting concept worth considering, especially since you already are by reading this article! Keep up the good work. THE 1, 2, 3s OF IMMORTALITY Ever wondered what it takes to become immortal (in theory, of course)? Here are a few things you may want to try:
While true never-ending life may not be possible, some scientists claim that within 50 years, living to 100 years old would be routine for most people of industrialized nations. Many things can contribute to longer lives (and truly already have), like vaccinations, better sanitation and improved safety regulations. But when this author considers immortality, it’s not because we have improved safety regulations. It would be because we literally cannot die, no matter what happens to us. And THAT is definitely science fiction fodder . . . isn’t it? Issue 876
BEAUTY COMES FROM SOME PRETTY WEIRD PLACES by Lindsey Harrison “Makeup is not a mask that covers up your beauty; it’s a weapon that helps you express who you are from the inside.” – Michelle Phan, American businesswoman Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but for centuries, women have taken their beauty into their own hands. Sometimes the things we come up with make sense, like using a moisturizing plant extract or oil to keep our skin soft and supple. Other times, the supposed benefits don’t always outweigh the weirdness of the process. Whether or not you personally buy into the hype about beauty products, you can rest assured that some woman out there has been desperate enough to try them. Maybe not all of them. But our society has warped women’s minds so much that there’s rarely a time when we can relax in the knowledge that our beauty still shines through even if we have uneven skin tones, pimples, or wrinkles. It’s no wonder the beauty industry is worth $445 billion. Yes, you read that correctly. BILLION. How in the world did an industry relying on making women feel inadequate with their looks manage to then turn around and sell “beauty in a bottle” back to us to the tune of $445 billion? Probably because that’s been the situation for centuries. Literally. But not every beauty product works, or even makes sense, which is why Snippetz decided it was time to check out some of these weird beauty products that have popped up throughout history. Sit back, this might get a bit ugly! ANCIENT BEAUTY TRICKS AND TREATMENTS In today’s world, anyone not hip to the beauty trends of the moment might look at the various tricks and treatments and shake their head. But at least we have some standards, rules, regulations, what have you, to protect the consumer from dangerous side effects. In ancient times, not so much. Here are some of the less-than-safe beauty products from times past.
NOT-SO-ANCIENT BEAUTY TRICKS AND TREATMENTS Sure, we can claim the above beauty treatments were popular because back then, we didn’t know better. The thing is, there are treatments that were popular in more recent times that never should have been a thing because people KNEW they were bad for them. Oh well. That’s the price you pay for beauty. Eating arsenic – in case you didn’t know, arsenic is poisonous. So, if you are going to eat it, you should know that there’s a chance you could die. But the goal was to achieve a “blooming complexion, a brilliant eye, and an appearance of embonpoint [a sexy plumpness].” Apparently, that desire far outweighed the dangers, which were many. And remember, this wasn’t some long ago treatment. In fact, the above description of what eating arsenic would do for you was taken from a magazine article written in 1857. There were “restrictions” as to how one was supposed to eat arsenic properly, which had more to do with superstition than any sort of safety concerns. Additionally, if you stopped eating arsenic after you started consuming it on a regular basis, you’d suffer withdrawal symptoms like vomiting and muscles spasms. Where do we sign up, right?? Radioactive face cream – again, this treatment was popular in fairly recent times, like the 1930s. Interestingly enough, the genius behind the face cream was a doctor named Alfred Curie (no relation to Marie Curie, but you see how that’s kind of ironic, right?) who created a line of cosmetics called Thoradia. The products routinely contained radioactive chemicals like thorium chloride and radium bromide. Supposedly, the result was a “freshness and brightness of the complexion.” Right, because glowing green from becoming radioactive is the type of brightness women really want, eh? CURRENT BEAUTY TRICKS AND TRENDS If you thought we’d have learned our lesson by now, you’re wrong. Women are suckers for anything that claims to make them more beautiful, as evidenced by the following latest and greatest beauty treatment trends. Snail mucus extract – advertised as a formula containing regenerating snail mucus extract and detoxifying 24-carat gold, the product is called Hwansaenggo Escargot Golden Firming Eye Mask. Guess what it’s supposed to do. Firm the skin around your eyes! But is it really worth putting snail mucus on your face? Buy some and you can be the judge! Placenta hair mask – yes, this is made from an actual placenta. But not a human placenta, if that makes any difference. Apparently, it’s the placenta from a lamb and it’s supposed to make your hair super soft and frizz-free. Ewww. We’ll pass on the placenta, thanks. Meteorite extract – supposedly, the anti-aging night cream from Filorga is made with “meteorite extract,” and brown seaweed, which are said to help skin cells regenerate. Now, we have one question: where in the world are all these meteorites being used for this product and how did this company get their hands on them? Plus, what is meteorite extract, anyway? Well, for roughly $130, you can get yourself a 1.69-ounce jar and see for yourself. Again, we think we’ll pass. Issue 877
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A RED BLOOD CELL by Lindsey Harrison “Our body is a machine for living. It is organized for that, it is its nature. Let life go on in it unhindered and let it defend itself.” – Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist Day in and day out, our bodies are working hard to keep us alive. We do notice some of the things it’s up to. For instance, we notice when our bodies are hungry because not only do you feel that hunger sensation in your gut, but often your stomach will make audible, whale-like sounds to clue you in. And boy, are those sounds fun when you’re sitting in church or at a super important meeting for work. But for the most part, our bodies just labor away pumping blood, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, and the like without us giving a single thought to how it all happens. We at Snippetz believe those inner workings, the behind-the-scenes things happening in our bodies every day, deserve some recognition. Don’t worry, we’re not taking this to a gross place, we promise. Instead, we’re going to give credit where credit is due and take you, our valued readers, through a day in the life of the red blood cell! Buckle up, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. GENERAL CIRCULATORY SYSTEM SNIPPETZ To start us off on our incredible journey through the circulatory system, we thought we should probably give you some general information. For example, did you know that the blood vessels in the human body, if laid end to end, measure about 60,000 miles? Well, you do now! Not impressed? OK, but consider that the Earth’s circumference is about 25,000 miles. You could quite literally wrap your blood vessels around the Earth about 2.5 times. Neat, right? Additionally, the heart is responsible for pumping the equivalent of 2,000 gallons of blood through those blood vessels each and every day. Of course, we don’t have 2,000 gallons of blood in our bodies; on average, we have about 5 to 6 liters of blood, which is made up of platelets, plasma, white blood cells and red blood cells. In a single drop of blood, there are more than 5 million red blood cells. And those cells are super special because they have no nucleus. Why is that special? Most cells have a nucleus because it contains the genetic information needed for that cell to replicate. In the instance of a red blood cell, though, the nucleus would just take up space within the cell. That space contains more hemoglobin, which allows the cell to carry more oxygen. That’s a good thing. Technically speaking, we don’t have just one circulatory system. We actually have two –systemic circulation and pulmonary circulation – that make up the entire cardiovascular system. Systemic circulation provides the organs, tissues and cells with blood, which gives them oxygen and other nutrients. Pulmonary circulation consists of the fresh oxygen we breathe in entering the blood stream and the expulsion of carbon dioxide from the blood. And if you want to get even more technical about it, you can say there is another system working within the general circulatory system, that being the coronary system or the blood circulating through the veins and arteries to supply oxygenated blood to the heart itself. ALL ABOARD! OK, you have some general information about the circulatory system. Now it’s time to dive into the meat and potatoes of this article: a ride-along with a red blood cell! Because there are multiple systems at work simultaneously when we discuss the circulatory system, we made the executive decision to start at the heart. So, here we are on this double-concave cell called a red blood cell, or RBC as we’ve decided to name it. As the heart relaxes, blood carrying our RBC flows from both of the atria (the heart’s two upper chambers) into the ventricles (the heart’s two lower chambers). The ventricles expand to accommodate our RBC and the others in this portion of the blood stream and then contract, jettisoning our RBC out into one of two large arteries: the aorta or the pulmonary artery. Following the path from the aorta, our RBC cruises through various arteries, eventually working its way into the massive network of tiny capillaries. This network allows our RBC and all the others in the blood stream, to deposit their oxygen, nutrients and other necessary substances to the organs, tissues and other cells. We also pick up carbon dioxide and other waste substances during this part of the trip. But wait! That means our RBC is low on those key elements (oxygen, nutrients, etc.) and heavy in waste products, so we better steer this ship back to a place to replenish those key elements and drop off the stuff we don’t need anymore. Our RBC gets carried into the network of veins which carry deoxygenated blood, like our RBC, back to the heart. We flow into the right atrium, then into the right ventricle which pumps us into the pulmonary artery. Alright, we made it to the pulmonary artery. Now we’re headed out into a similar network of small arteries and capillaries as those we encountered on our first trip from the heart. These arteries and capillaries weave themselves into a network around air sacs called pulmonary vesicles that look a bit like a bunch of grapes. It’s here that we drop off the carbon dioxide we picked up earlier into the pulmonary vesicles, allowing room for oxygen to reenter the blood stream. When we breathe out, the carbon dioxide we dropped off from our RBC at the pulmonary vesicles is expelled from our bodies. The newly oxygenated blood, including our RBC, goes through the pulmonary vein and into the left atrium, then the left ventricle, where we will start this crazy ride all over again. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Remember those tiny capillaries we talked about? Well, on average, they measure 1/3000 inch, or roughly one tenth the diameter of a human hair. That’s pretty dang tiny, which means blood cells, like our RBC, have to get in single-file line to move through each capillary. And in some instances, the capillary is actually smaller than the cells that pass through it which means each cell has to squeeze and contort itself to make the passage possible. That whole process we described above, even the part with the squeezing of the cells through the miniscule capillaries, takes about 20 seconds from start to finish. In general, a red blood cell lives for about 120 days, so it can make quite a few rounds throughout your body before it dies. Usually they die from aging or some form of damage, but our bone marrow is constantly making new red blood cells to take the place of those we lose. BLUE BLOOD ISN’T BLUE You’ve probably heard the term “blue blood” which is a common way to refer to people who are of noble or royal heritage. It has been posited that those “blue blooded” people actually appeared to have blue blood because they were so pale. The lack of tan these people had way back when actually signified their status because they didn’t have to work out in the sun. So, blue blood could have come about as a reference to the color of a nobleman’s or royal’s veins, based on how prominently the blue stood out against their pale skin. Make sense? And just in case you were wondering, no, deoxygenated blood is not actually blue in color. It’s true that blood rich in oxygen is bright red, but it doesn’t turn blue when it deposits oxygen to the various organs, tissues, etc. It actually turns a deeper red. Issue 878
DON'T BE SO (NERVE) IMPULSE(IVE) by Lindsey Harrison “Information is crucial to our biological substance – our genetic code is information. But before 1950, it was not obvious that inheritance had anything to do with code. And it was only after the invention of the telegraph that we understood that our nerves carry messages, just like wires.” – James Gleick, American author It is sort of interesting to think of how humans must have viewed their bodies before we had the in-depth understanding of how it all works that we do now. Well, not all of us. But luckily, Google can solve that “not-knowing” problem fairly easily. We truly take that knowledge for granted now. Seriously, doesn’t it seem like common knowledge that nerves cruise along on pathways similar to the way a telegraph cruised through wires way back in the day, you know, before everything became wireless? Of course, things are a bit more complex than all that seems. Wouldn’t it be interesting to know how our nerves work? How they help us move and think? Well, you’re in luck! Remember last week’s Snippetz, where we talked about the life of a red blood cell and followed it on its trip around the body? THIS week, we’re going to follow a nerve impulse around to see just how they make us tick. But we’ve also got some pretty cool stories about people who are unusually electric and not in the way that you might describe someone whose personality is very intense and charismatic. Allow your nerve impulses to get to work moving you into a super comfy position where you can read this electrifying issue of Snippetz! You’ll be glad you did. A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A NERVE IMPULSE It would be pretty difficult to explain how a nerve impulse works if we didn’t first explain the nervous system. So here we go: the nervous system is made up of the brain, spinal cord, sensory organs and all the nerves that connect the nervous system itself to the rest of the body. The brain and spinal cord make up the central nervous system, the “decision-making” part, while the sensory organs and sensory nerves made up the peripheral nervous system, the “monitoring” part. The PNS monitors conditions within the body and sends that information to the CNS, which ultimately makes the decision about how to react to that information. Remember how we said we’d describe a day in the life of a nerve impulse? Well, it’s going to be more like describing the millisecond in the life of a nerve impulse; that’s because our nervous systems can transmit a nerve impulse at 100 meters per second. Considering our bodies aren’t crazy big, those impulses move through our bodies pretty darn quick. Nerve impulses can move in various ways: sometimes nerves are built for a nerve impulse to move in one direction only while others can carry impulses back and forth. Those nerve impulses all eventually move through the spinal cord to the brain. The spinal cord itself is like a big inverted tree. Nerves branch out all over the place to direct nerve impulses to the various parts of the body and make them perform their necessary functions. Some nerve impulses happen quickly without our conscious mind having to consider how to handle the situation. Those impulses are called reflexes. That’s where we’re going to start our brief journey. Let’s say you place your hand on a hot stovetop. The sensory nerves in your hand and fingers registers that you’re doing something that could damage your body, like by burning your hand. The sensory nerves send an impulse super quickly to effectors, basically parts of your brain that react reflexively. Immediately, those effectors send the nerve impulse to your hand, arm, etc. to make you pull away from the stovetop. You may not have even realized you were being burned before you pulled your hand away. That’s because the conscious side of your brain didn’t receive the information to indicate pain until after the unconscious side of your brain told you to stop being an idiot and move your hand away. Now, we know this is an extremely simplistic view of the nervous system and how nerve impulses work. But the bottom line is that there is so much happening and it all happens so quickly, we would have to make this magazine a novel in order to cover it all. We think you get the idea, however, so let’s move on, shall we? THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE! Yes, we all have nerves and nerve impulses, which as we showed above, are essentially powered by electrical energy. But there are some people out there who are more electrically charged than the rest of us. It’s not quite like the scene from “The Addams Family” where Uncle Fester puts the lightbulb in his mouth and it lights up, although it certainly sounds like that might have been a possibility in a few of these cases. Keep reading and we’ll explain! Jacquelin Priestman Growing up, Jacquelin Priestman was like any other child. She would get an occasional shock here and there from things most people do, like when you’re wearing socks and you shuffle your feet along the carpet in your living room, then touch your brother and zap him. But as Jacquelin got older, she noticed the shocks were less and less like what other people experienced and instead, were much more intense. By the time she was 22, she was convinced there was something going on . . . and with good reason. By simply touching certain ordinary household items, Jacquelin would cause them to short out, but if anyone else tried the same thing, nothing happened. They could use the appliances like normal with no crazy sparks flying. Throughout her adult life, much of which she spent married to an electrician of all people, Jacquelin had to replace her appliances with alarming frequency thanks to her “special touch.” She went through 30 vacuums, five irons and a handful of washing machines. A former astrophysicist and lecturer at Oxford University named Michael Shallis investigated Jacquelin and determined that she was able to transmit tiny lightning bolts from her body that could disrupt any electrical system that happened to be nearby, including her television. Apparently, she was able to change the channels by just going near the set. Neat party trick! Pauline Shaw You may think that having such astounding electrical abilities might be a nice thing to have. Say you lost your remote for the T.V.; well, if you were electrically exceptional, you could just change the channels from the comfort of your favorite recliner. But it’s not all fun and games, as Pauline Shaw came to realize. Shallis actually studied Pauline as well, relating that his investigations revealed most people with these abilities were women. Great. Thanks. But here’s the sad thing. Women like Jacquelin and Pauline, while certainly exceptional, were just trying to live normal, average lives. Poor Pauline, for example, just wanted to do a load of laundry without a disaster. But every time she touched the dials on the washing machine, the fuses would blow, the washing machine’s door would open and water would begin spouting out uncontrollably. Count John Berenyi Remember that thing we said earlier about Uncle Fester holding a light bulb in his mouth and making it glow? Well, Count John Berenyi could be considered the closest thing to a real-life Uncle Fester as we’ve ever encountered. He could actually make neon light tubes glow by doing nothing more than holding them in his hand. Now that’s a handy friend to have in a power outage! Issue 879
WHAT'S IN A NAME? WE'LL TELL YOU! by Lindsey Harrison “Bee to the blossom, moth to the flame; Each to his passion; what’s in a name?” – Helen Hunt Jackson, American writer “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Ever since William Shakespeare wrote those iconic words some 400-plus years ago, the same theme has come up time and time again. Apparently, people are really adamant that names aren’t that big of a deal. Maybe now they aren’t. But that wasn’t always the case. In fact, names, more specifically last names, were useful in identifying a person’s occupation, parentage, or to describe the person’s physical appearance. When parentage made a big difference, it was super important for a person to be known by the correct last name. You wouldn’t want to be confused for the court jester’s son if you were really the king’s son. That makes sense, right? However, in today’s society, names in general are thrown around (and thrown away) willy-nilly. People change their names to become more unique, to stand out, to command a presence that they think their old, “ordinary” name couldn’t. Perhaps better than choosing your own name is when you’re name, the one your parents saddled you with at birth, aptly (and unintentionally) describes you in some manner. There’s a name for that: aptronyms. We prefer to call them suitable names because that’s easier to say, plus spellcheck doesn’t like the work aptronym. At any rate, keep reading for some suitable name stories! IS THAT YOUR REAL NAME OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME? Family names, last names, surnames. Whatever you choose to call them, those are the names that we’re going to talk about first because that’s really where it all begins, isn’t it? Now, for most Western nations (like ours) the surname is the last name and usually passes from the father to his children and so on. But where in the world did those surnames come from? Who thought them up? Well, remember how we said it often described a person’s occupation? That’s definitely one of the most common sources of a surname. For instance, Smith, one of the most popular surnames in the United Kingdom, referred to someone who worked as a blacksmith. Similarly, Cooper referred to someone who made barrels and Chandler referred to someone who made candles. Other occupation names you may have heard of include: Baxter the baker, Collier the coal miner, Crocker the pottery maker, Faulkner the keeper of falcons, Porter the doorkeeper, Webster the weaver and Fletcher the maker of bows and arrows. Surnames can also come from a family member, like we mentioned above. Usually, the name referred to a male ancestor. If your father was named Harry, your last name would be Harrison, in this type of surname creation. If your father’s name was Robert, your surname would be Robertson. You get the idea, right? Another way surnames were created was through a description of where you lived. For instance, if your family lived on a hill, BAM! Your last name was Hill. Or if you lived in the western region of a specific area, your surname would be West. Occasionally, we find surnames that refer to a person’s appearance or personality trait, which had the potential to be either very flattering or downright insulting. Consider the last names White, Black, Long, Short, etc. Not necessarily good or bad; just accurate, right? Or what about Trow or Trigg, which actually mean trustworthy. Awesome! But they weren’t always so . . . pleasant. Example: Tew. Not super common and there’s a good reason for that, probably. It actually means fat in Welsh. Or Dullard, meaning conceited. What about those names in medieval times like William the Conqueror or Alexander the Great? Two more great examples! But with the good comes the bad . . . Vlad the Impaler (although he probably loved that name). And then there’s the surname le Lechur which means the lecher or le Oneyede which means the one-eyed. REAL SURNAMES THAT ARE BEYOND APT We knew you’d probably be chomping at the bit to find out some of the best suitable names out there and believe us, some of them are brilliant! Speaking of brilliant, a certain writer had a fourth grade math teacher at Patrick Henry Elementary School in Colorado Springs named Mr. Brilliant. Coincidentally, the three other teachers that made up the fourth grade teaching team at the time were named Mrs. Blessing, Mrs. Comfort and Mr. Gadget. No joke. We couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried! Let’s not forget William Wordsworth, an English poet who helped the Romantic Age take shape back in the late 1700s and early 1800s. And what about Thomas Crapper? You can probably guess what his occupation was, but we’ll tell you anyway. While he did not invent the toilet, he was a fairly prominent toilet manufacturer. Sadly, the person who DID invent the toilet, Alexander Cummings, has been overshadowed by Mr. Crapper and all because of his name. Well, there’s more to that story than just Mr. Crapper’s name. In 1969 Wallace Reyburn (wonder what that name refers to) wrote a satirical book called Flushed with Pride: The Story of Thomas Crapper, and although he didn’t make up Thomas Crapper, he did make up the part where Mr. Crapper invented the toilet. Did you know that CNN’s Washington bureau chief from 1983 until 1996 was William Headline? Well, now you do. Some other great suitable name examples can be found in sports. Here are a few:
Of course athletes aren’t the only ones with suitable names. Consider for a minute, Richard Smalley, a pioneer in nanotechnology, Dr. Don Livermore, an expert on whiskey, Jules Angst, a professor of psychiatry with an emphasis on anxiety, or Russel Brain, a renowned neurologist. We certainly can’t overlook Chris Moneymaker, the 2003 World Series of Poker champion, or Dr. Richard Chopp, who performs vasectomies, and poor John Balance, who fell two stories and died after losing his balance. See, that’s the great thing about aptronyms. They can be the most accurate name for someone, like Dr. Chopp for instance, or they can be ironic like the case of Mr. Balance. And what about Frank Bear, the only member of the band ZZ Top who doesn’t have a beard! Of course, there’s also Larry Playfair, a former NHL player for the Buffalo Sabres and the Los Angeles Kings who was known for fighting on the ice. There are so many great suitable names out there, we have to wonder: do you know someone with a suitable name? |
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