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Issue 930 - 8/26/2019
SNIPPETZ IS STARRY EYED FOR CONSTELLATIONS By Lindsey Harrison 
“If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years how man would marvel and stare.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson, American poet They say if something is meant to be it’s written in the stars. That statement caused a lot of confusion for a young writer we tried her very best to see what exactly was written there. And who are “they” anyway? Maybe “they” are the people who came up with the constellations, those enigmatic pictures we are supposed to be able to see in the night sky. But if we’re being truthful here, not all the constellations are that easy to find. So, who came up with the constellations anyway? Was it someone who had a bit too much to drink and when they looked up at the sky, they saw some images created by the stars that all the other sober folks just didn’t see? And does it make them any less interesting to find out they aren’t something cool like the souls of our ancestors watching over us, but rather they’re just massive balls of gas burning away? Regardless of what we think of them now, the constellations have been around longer than any of us and we should certainly give them the respect they deserve. Stop being so rude. Oh, and also, keep reading as Snippetz brings you more about those crazy constellations! WHAT IS A CONSTELLATION? Yes, you have clearly been living under a rock if you don’t know what a constellation is. Technically speaking, constellations are asterisms, or groupings of stars that resemble familiar things or patterns, which have been officially recognized by the International Astronomical Union. In all, there are 88 constellations recognized by the IAU. Some of these designated constellations date back as far as ancient Roman, Greek and Middle Eastern times . . . about 50 to be more precise. Roughly 48 of those constellations were labeled by Ptolemy, an astronomer and mathematician among other things, who lived from A.D. 100 to about A.D. 170. Ultimately, the constellation boundaries or definitions were finalized in 1922. POPULAR MONTHLY CONSTELLATIONS Since there are so many constellations, as we mentioned above, we’ve chosen a few of the most popular ones from each month. The monthly designation of each constellation is determined by the date at which it crosses “the meridian,” or the point directly above the viewer (rather than slightly to the left or right) at 9:00 p.m.
Issue 931 - 9/2/2019
IT’S NO MYSTERY THAT SNIPPETZ IS CURIOUS ABOUT THESE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES By Lindsey Harrison “Of all the means I know to lead men, the most effectual is mystery.” – Adam Weishaupt, German philosopher and founder of the Illuminati Considering Mr. Weishaupt founded one of the most mysterious “clubs” ever to grace the face of this fair Earth, we have to think that he knows what he’s talking about. Mystery is a great way to keep people intrigued, involved, interested! Maybe Weishaupt meant “to lead” in the sense that he led his followers, but we tend to think there’s a second meaning here: “to lead” can also be something (rather than someone) that people go after, like the idea that they can solve a mystery. Does any of that make sense or are we being too mysterious? Here’s the deal: there are so many unsolved mysteries out there, not just the ones highlighted on that epic television show from the late 1980s. And in case you didn’t know, we at Snippetz are statutorily required to write about interesting things such as this. It’s practically our motto. Anyway, unsolved mysteries. Yep. Let’s do this . . . time to do some investigating! BYE-BYE BLACKBIRD?? Before we go any further, we feel it’s necessary to make something superly-duperly clear: we cannot possibly address all the unsolved mysteries out there, so we picked a few that we thought were especially interesting. Don’t agree with us? That’s fine. You’re entitled to your opinion, even if it’s wrong. OK, back to this first mystery. Allow us to set the stage. Date: December 31, 2010. Place: Beebe, Arkansas. People all over the town are celebrating the coming of the New Year, drinking and shouting and yes, even shooting off fireworks. Not unlike what we in Colorado do with our awesome fireworks from Pikes Peak. The difference? About 5,000 blackbirds lost their marbles that day and flew straight into telephone poles, trees, buildings and what have you, basically committing mass suicide. As if that wasn’t weird enough, the same thing happened the very next year, on New Year’s Eve again! This time, only about 200 birds went crazy and killed themselves. But even 200 birds falling from the sky would probably have been disconcerting to say the least . . . and it remains an unsolved mystery all these years later. TALK ABOUT MAKING AN EXIT This next mystery took place in 1971, on Northwest Airlines Flight 305 traveling from Portland, Oregon to Seattle, Washington. Everything appeared normal the passengers boarded the plane; that is until D.B.Cooper climbed aboard and hijacked the plane with briefcase he said had a bomb inside it. He demanded a ransom, which he received when the plane landed in Seattle after letting all the 36 other passengers to deplane. Cooper then demanded the pilots take off again and fly to Mexico, where he apparently planned to jump out. He instructed the pilots to stay low to the ground and fly slowly. At some point in time, Cooper jumped, although no one knows for sure if he survived the fall. People have speculated for decades, with some claiming he must have died, since he has never been seen again. Others think he successfully parachuted from the plane and made off with the cash. We may never know for sure . . . THAT’S QUITE A “FEET” Picture this: you’re walking along the beach near Vancouver, British Columbia, enjoying the peaceful sound of the ocean waves and the fresh, salty air. Suddenly, that beautiful scene is broken by a strange sight: a foot, wearing an Adidas shoe, hanging out on the beach with the other bits of washed up debris. Weird, right? But what’s weirder still is that this was not the only disembodied foot to wash ashore in the area. A week later, another one appeared but this time it was wearing a Reebok shoe. The story still doesn’t end there. Since that August day in 2007 when the first foot was discovered, 13 others have washed ashore, all cut from the bodies from which they originally belonged. Why in the world are random feet washing ashore in Canada? That’s the unsolved mystery part of this story. Maybe one day we’ll know the truth. SPEAKING OF FEET . . . Remember the foot thing we just told you about? Well, we’ve got another unsolved mystery involving feet but this time it’s really big feet. Yes, we mean Bigfoot. Or Sasquatch if you feel like being fancy. Rumors of the existence of a big hairy monkey-man thing wandering through the forests of the Pacific Northwest have circulated for decades. Grainy film claiming to have caught him on camera is about the best “evidence” we have that Bigfoot exists. But here’s some food for thought: can we ever be really sure that there’s no such thing as Bigfoot? We have yet to discover all the lifeforms that share this nifty planet, so who’s to say Bigfoot isn’t one of them? Maybe he’s just really good at Hide-and-Seek. Like, really good. It’s a mystery! HMMMMM . . . Perhaps that should say “hummmmm” because that’s what this next unsolved mystery is all about. A hum that apparently is plaguing Taos, New Mexico and has been since the early 1990s. Can you even imagine living in a place that was constantly humming? Hearing other people eat is bad enough but having a humming sound in the background at all times, day and night, would certainly get a bit annoying. The residents got so frustrated (and were probably running on very little sleep), they complained to the U.S. Congress in 1993, demanding the source of the hum be found and explained if not completely eradicated. Unfortunately, after multiple studies were conducted, nothing ever came from them. Our recommendation? Move away. There’s only so much humming any one human being can be expected to endure. STAY AWAY FROM THIS NASTY SHAPE When you were learning your shapes in preschool, we bet your teachers didn’t warn you about how dangerous triangles can be. Well, maybe not all triangles. Just one in particular: the Bermuda Triangle. This three-sided death trap is located in the Atlantic Ocean, near Bermuda (duh), Miami, Florida and Puerto Rico. The term “Bermuda Triangle” was coined by a man named Vincent Gaddis in 1964 and apparently describes a place where ships and airplanes have quite literally disappeared for more than half a century. What happened to those vessels? Why can’t we find them? Naturally, theories abound but nothing has been concretely posited that truly solves this mystery. ANCIENT PRANKSTERS? If you ever get the chance to fly to Peru, specifically the area northwest of the city of Nazca, take a peek out the airplane’s windows. Perhaps you’ll see one of many figures literally carved into the landscape below. And we’re not talking little pictures etched into a field. We’re talking a 150-foot long spider, a 935-foot pelican and a 360-foot monkey, just to name a few. Scientists have dated the origins of the “Nazca Lines” as they’re called all the way back to between 200 B.C. and A.D. 600. But why were these massive pictures, that can clearly only be seen from above, carved during a time when humans obviously hadn’t figured out how to fly? Wanna know our theory? We think perhaps there were some bored Nazca people who decided to make these incredible carvings with the intent that someday, somehow, people would be able to see them from above. But they knew the existence of this pictures would really confuse future explorers, who might actually think they were either done to communicate with aliens or to even signal them. So, they’re carving these things, all the while laughing at because they know how innocuous their artwork really is, but also know how freaked out the rest of us would be when we discovered them some 2,000 years later. No? That’s not the solution? Well, fine. We guess that’s going to remain an unsolved mystery . . . for now. Issue 932 - 9/9/2019
WARNING: STUPID LEGAL WARNINGS ARE STUPID By Lindsey Harrison “I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people . . . I’m just saying let’s remove the warning labels let the problem work itself out.” – Unknown (but probably a woman) If you are a fairly logical adult, you understand why we need legal warnings. People need to be told that the hot coffee we just purchased from out favorite coffee shop is hot and could scald us should we choose not to wait to let it cool down before drinking it. But, do we REALLY need to be told that? If you’re a fairly logical adult, you probably don’t need to be told. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Not everyone has a logical side that kicks in at appropriate times to keep them safe. To be fair, it’s less likely that people need those warnings and more likely that companies think we need them, so they don’t get sued. Maybe if we’d all stop suing each other over common sense things, we’d see less and less of these stupid legal warnings. But that’s about as likely to happen as this incredibly talented writer, whose article you’re reading right this very minute, winning the lottery without every buying a lottery ticket. There’s something intriguing about the idea that there must have been a legal team that sat around and discussed all the various ways people could hurt themselves with the products developed by the companies they represented. Honestly, we wouldn’t mind being a fly on the wall in one of those meetings. Until that happens, we at Snippetz will just have to settle for laughing (obnoxiously, probably) at these stupid legal warnings. And yes, these are real! GUESS THAT PRODUCT! Considering how ridiculously silly these legal warnings are, we’re sure they would be plenty entertaining if we just wrote them down for you to read. We know we certainly got a few chuckles out of them. But let’s play a game instead: see if you can guess what product the warning label is from . . . you’ll probably be surprised! “Some assembly required.” – If you’re a parent, this warning label is the bane of your existence, especially late on a Christmas Eve when you’re frantically trying to get all your children’s presents set up before finally getting some rest. And if you saw it on a bicycle or a doll house, it would totally make sense. But this gem is found on the side of a 500-piece puzzle. If there wasn’t some assembly required, you should probably ask for your money back. “Warning: Do not use if you have prostate problems” or similarly, “Ask a doctor before use if you have difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate.” – Why are those similar, you ask? Perhaps because each (or some variation thereof) can be found on a box of menstrual relief tablets. For those of you who aren’t completely sure why that’s an issue, menstrual relief tablets really only work for people who menstruate, i.e. women. And women don’t have prostates. “May cause drowsiness.” – Again, for this product, if it didn’t cause drowsiness, you should certainly ask for a refund, because this super helpful warning can be found on a bottle of sleep aid tablets. “ . . . not for newborns.” – This one could be on a multitude of products and make tons of sense. In fact, it probably is. But there’s one product in particular that we feel really doesn’t need it. Like, seriously, the company that makes this product must think we consumers are completely devoid of any common sense. Have any idea what it is? Viagra. Yep, that ol’ erectile dysfunction pill. Whatever kind of nutjob parent is out there trying to give their newborn Viagra should very strongly reconsider their acceptability as a parent. “Keep pet birds out of the kitchen when using this product.” – This one really threw us for a loop because it seems as though there would probably be lots of other similar pets you should keep out of your kitchen when using said product. Why are we consumers only warned about birds? And this particular warning is found on a set of nonstick pans, which brings up another question: what is it about nonstick pans that makes them so dangerous to birds? What about a blender? That seems significantly more dangerous, but what do we know? “Avoid death.” – Well, thank goodness somebody told us to avoid death when using this product. If they failed to mention that, we might be tempted to go ahead and die using it. This product is a small tractor, like a real tractor used on a ranch or farm. And we couldn’t agree more with the warning: please, at all costs avoid death. But wouldn’t it be more helpful to have some tips on how to avoid death? “This product may contain eggs.” – Guys, hold on. This product may contain eggs. And since this warning is on a carton of eggs, we’re pretty darn lucky someone warned us, otherwise when we open this carton of eggs, we’d be shocked to see that it contains eggs! “Contents may catch fire.” – When using this product, please be so very careful because the contents are flammable and may catch fire. Yes, thank you. We’re so glad you told us the contents of a blow torch, a device literally filled with flammable gas that is intended to be ignited, may catch fire. Sheesh. We could have had a disaster on our hands without that warning. “Not for human consumption.” – OK, this one certainly has its merits. There are times when people need to be reminded not to eat something, especially if it has a particularly tasty name or picture on the packaging. But this warning is found on the side of a container of powdered fox/bobcat urine. What about that product description sounds appetizing to anyone ever? “For best results, remove cap.” – Fair enough. There are products that have caps that still function completely fine when said cap is in place. And sometimes those products really do work best without the cap on. But this product, a container of spray cheese, literally assumes you’re going to try to spray the stuff into your mouth (wait, not everyone does that?) with the cap still on? Have they ever even tried to do that? The sprayer quite literally isn’t accessible with the cap on. Oy. “May irritate eyes.” – Here’s another warning that could be placed understandably on any number of products and make complete sense. But when it’s placed on the side of a container of self-defense pepper spray, that’s going a bit far. First off, people buying pepper spray are usually pretty smart since they are concerned about their own safety, otherwise they wouldn’t be buying pepper spray, right? Second off, pepper spray is intended to hurt your eyes, otherwise it wouldn’t work as a self-defense item. So, why in the world is this warning necessary? We still haven’t figured that out yet. STUPID WARNING LABEL SNIPPETZ Here’s a few others to give you a good laugh.
Issue 933 - 9/16/2019
SNIPPETZ SAYS MAYBE YOU SHOULD FLIP THE CHANNEL... MAYBE 'NOT' THE BEST OF KIDS' SHOWS! by Lindsey Harrison 
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” – Franklin P. Jones, American journalist
Parents should be sainted once they have successfully raised their children to adulthood and here’s why: Mr. Jones was not joking in the slightest when he said you learn how much patience you have once you have children. But we at Snippetz think there’s something deeper going on, some sort of conspiracy between creators of kids’ television shows and the kids themselves. As if it isn’t hard enough being a parent, these kids’ shows, which are allegedly intended to entertain and teach young children, use some of the most irritating, obnoxious and stress-inducing ways to entertain and teach. Perhaps those methods are interesting and engaging for kids, but for the poor parents who get stuck watching or at least listening to these programs, it’s a form of torture. Now, some of you may not be parents yet and you should really be thanking us for getting this information out to you because hopefully you can use what you’ve learned here to avoid the torture the rest of us have experienced at the hands of kids’ television shows. Let’s get started. CAILLOU Ask any parent of a young child and nearly all of them will tell you the worst cartoon kids’ show is “Caillou.” Why? Allow us to take you through a typical episode: Caillou, a bald 4-year-old, whines and gets into trouble. That’s pretty much it. Already you probably see why he’s annoying to parents – the whining. His voice is like nails on a chalkboard and frequently throws temper tantrums. We’re unsure exactly what kids are supposed to be learning from this show other than, perhaps, how not to act. Instead of asking “What Would Jesus Do?” (which is a very mature question to ask a preschooler), maybe parents can start asking “What Wouldn’t Caillou Do?” DORA THE EXPLORER Forget the fact that her name doesn’t actually rhyme with “explorer;” it’s probably just nerds like us that are bothered by that. And to be fair, the Spanish word for “explorer” is “exploradora,” so we get where that comes from, but still. So, if you haven’t had a chance to watch this one, here’s how most of the episodes go: Dora goes on some sort of adventure, during which she randomly pauses to ask the audience questions. But the pauses are awkwardly long, the drawings are cheesy and throughout the show, there are terrible songs that are bound to get stuck in your head. Oh, and did we mention Dora doesn’t ever really talk as much as yell? She yells EVERYTHING. You can see why this show might be annoying to adults. MAX AND RUBY It is so hard to figure out what’s going on with this show. It features two children . . . rabbits, really. Kid rabbits. They do things together but the majority of the time, Ruby is bossing Max around while he does normal obnoxious kid rabbit things, like get muddy right after Ruby has given him a bath. Our problem is this: where in the word are the children’s parents? They talk about their grandma and occasionally go visit her but that’s about it. And if Ruby is taking care of Max, does that mean she’s his guardian and if so, why does it appear that she is about 6 years old? That hardly seems like a good example to set for kids: absent parents = your 6-year-old sister is in charge. THE FRESH BEAT BAND Finally, we get to something that isn’t animated! That’s not to say it’s not completely awful because it is. This show features a group of friends who use their songs to work out their problems. But here’s our issue: not one single person in the “band” appears to have any actual musical talent. It’s abundantly clear they are not making the music themselves. OK, fair enough. Perhaps they were hired for their acting skills, not their musical skills. Great! Expect the acting is pretty rough as well. They, as with Dora, seem to be so excited about everything single thing in their lives that they are quite literally exhausting to watch. No one – and we mean NO ONE – is that happy about everything. Isn’t that setting kids up for some sort of disappointment when they get older and out into the real world? THE WIGGLES If you haven’t encountered The Wiggles yet, you might be in luck and never actually have to endure the experience. A certain writer was subjected to bouts of The Wiggles occasionally for a few years when her oldest niece decided she loved them. The Wiggles are a group of Australian men who are dressed in similar clothing, each with his own particular color, and again, they are so dang enthusiastic it makes your head hurt. They dance a bit, they sing a bit, but all in all, they annoy anyone over the age of 4 a LOT. Whoever comes up with these ideas really needs to stop taking so many drugs. BARNEY AND FRIENDS “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family.” And now that song should be firmly ingrained in your head like the true earworm it is. Side note: an earworm is defined as a catchy song or tune that continually runs through someone’s head. Anyway, Barney was a big goofy man-sized dinosaur puppet thing who likes to sing and dance with his other, equally strange, friends. He starts out each episode as a stuffed animal and all it takes is the imagination of some apparently very powerfully imaginative kids. Probably most concerning to us, simply because not everyone in the world is a “hugger,” Barney likes to hug the kids and tell them he loves them. Great. Thanks. But could you stand over there? Barney is no longer on the air but we’re certain some diligent investigating could drum up an episode or two on the Internet . . . watch at your own risk. THE DOODLEBOPS There must have been something in the water when shows like The Wiggles and The Fresh Beat Band came out because about that same time, The Doodlebops bopped onto the scene. And guess what they do? They sing and dance because they’re in a band! Guys, seriously. The band thing is so played out it’s really not even funny. The Doodlebops are siblings but aren’t exactly human or even animals. They’re not obviously friendly monsters, either. They are abnormalities and apparently, there’s nothing about that to be bothered by. But trust us, parents were VERY bothered. Let’s not forget: they sing, they dance and chances are – based on all the previous evidence we have about shows like this – they are irritatingly chipper and enthusiastic. Again, there’s likely nothing majorly wrong with that but when you’re an exhausted parent who has to listen to your child’s favorite Doodlebops episode on repeat just so you can put the dishes in the dishwasher, you’re in absolutely no mood for the saccharine sweetness of the alien-monster-nightmare-people that are the Doodlebops. Here’s some advice from your friendly neighborhood Snippetz magazine: if you already have children who are in love with any of the above shows or you plan to have kids and fear they may be interested in them, do yourself a favor right now and buy them noise-canceling headphones. You’ll thank us later. Issue 934 - 9/23/2019
SNIPPETZ GETS TO THE ROOT OF THE LEGEND OF THE TOOTH FAIRY by Lindsey Harrison 
“Kids delight in ‘magical thinking’, whether in the form of the Tooth Fairy or the saints; whether you see these as comforting lies or eternal verities, they are part of how we help kids make sense of the world.”
– Emma Donoghue, Irish playwright Think back to the days when you believed in things like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. For some of us, we’re marginally embarrassed we believed such silly stories, but why wouldn’t we have? As kids, when an adult told us something, we believed them. They wouldn’t lie to us, right? First off, wrong. Adults lie to children all the time. And second off, lying isn’t always a bad thing. We don’t tell our kids that Santa or the Tooth Fairy are real to be mean to them; we do it to preserve the sense of wonder and excitement kids feel for as long as possible. All too soon, they grow up, realize there’s nothing magical about life, especially the part about paying bills and having a job, and become depressed adults who struggle to find anything to be excited about. OK, maybe things aren’t that bad, but you get the idea. But have you ever taken a step back and really thought about how the legends of these characters came about? Especially the Tooth Fairy. Sorry, but the idea of someone sneaking into houses to take teeth is just a bit odd to us. Regardless of how we feel about it, the Tooth Fairy is a legitimate legend and naturally, that piques our interest here at Snippetz so let’s stop wasting time and start brushing up on our Tooth Fairy knowledge! THIS LEGEND SURE HAS TEETH If you’re like us, you’re probably wondering where in the world the Tooth Fairy came from! As with many similar legends, it depends on who you ask. One alleged origin was posited by Arnold van Gennep, a Dutch/German/French ethnographer and folklorist, who said the legend of the Tooth Fairy was a necessary construct to help ease children through a potentially frightening time in their lives – the moment they begin to lose teeth, which also happens to coincide with three important “rites of passage” children also experience at that time. The first is separation, i.e. the child loses a baby tooth and puts it under his or her pillow. The second is transition, i.e. the child has a gap in their teeth and at some point in that day, that child goes to sleep. The third is incorporation, i.e. a new tooth grows in and the child receives a monetary gift in exchange for the baby tooth. Without some way to explain the disappearance of that baby tooth, kids would theoretically have a harder time dealing with the rite of passage that comes with losing baby teeth. You’re probably thinking, “That doesn’t tell us anything about where the actual legend came from,” to which our response is, “Calm down.” While it’s possible the legend was created out of necessity, the legend itself appears to draw on several references to become what it is today. EVOLUTION OF THE TOOTH FAIRY The idea of the Tooth Fairy actually being a fairy likely comes from the fact that fairies have been central in European folklore for a really long time. Interestingly enough, the actual legend of a fairy who takes teeth became more and more popular about the time that Disney movies started to feature fairies, like the Fairy God Mother in Cinderella. But what about the fact that there’s a creature who steals baby teeth from underneath the pillows of sleeping children? That part seems of greater interest, to us anyway. That particular legend has been around in one form or another all over the world for quite a long time. For example, in most Spanish-speaking countries, the Tooth Fairy is actually a rat or mouse called Raton Perez. Allegedly, the idea was that Raton Perez would take the tooth and in its place would grow a tooth as strong as a mouse’s. Similarly, France has the story of a mouse called the Petite Souris, based on a fairytale from the 1600s. In that story, a fairy turns herself into a mouse to aid in the defeat of a nasty king. Petite Souris hides under the king’s pillow and makes all his teeth fall out. It’s unclear how that led to the king’s defeat but that’s how the story goes. In Scotland, the mouse in the legends is actually a White Fairy Rat who buys the teeth with coins it leaves behind. In Norway, the actually is a Tooth Fairy as well, but it’s called Tannfe and apparently, Norwegians are significantly more considerate than Americans because they take into consideration the fact that Tannfe is very old. Instead of hiding the tooth under a pillow, they place it in a glass of water on a table by their bed so she can find it more easily. Speaking of helping out the Tooth Fairy or mouse, children in South Africa actually put their baby tooth in their shoe so the mouse can simply snatch it from the shoe and leave a coin or gift in its place. In Italy, they must’ve liked the idea of a mouse and a fairy so much, they used them both. Their Tooth Fairy has a little mouse helper who lives in a palace. For those countries who aren’t into the fairy or mouse angle, the lost tooth was often buried someplace with one of a few different motivations behind such an act. The first is that those teeth were buried to allow an adult tooth to grow in its place. Second, many people were concerned about witchcraft and one strong superstition held that if a witch got her hands on a child’s tooth, she could use it to place a curse on that child. By burying it, parents hoped witches wouldn’t be able to find the tooth. For places like Turkey, the tooth was buried in a place that would benefit them in some way in the future. Say the parents hoped their child would one day become a doctor or surgeon. They would bury their child’s tooth near a hospital, possibly on the hospital property, to bring about that result. Children in Nigeria take part in none of the more closely-related traditions when they lose a tooth. Instead, boys find eight small stones (girls find six) and, along with their baby tooth, hold the stones in their closed fist. Then they close their eyes, count to eight or six, respectively, say, “I want my tooth back,” and throw everything into the air while running away. TOOTH FAIRY SNIPPETZ
Issue 935 - October 2019
THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT IT'S ALWAYS THE SEASON FOR THE FOUR SEASONS by Lindsey Harrison “Becoming successful is a relentless pursuit. It’s good that it’s that way: When it does come, you learn to know how to appreciate it, and know how lucky you are to be doing something that you love so much.” – Frankie Valli, American musician In today’s musical climate, auto-tune appears to be king. It doesn’t matter if you really can sing or not. Auto-tune takes any voice and makes it, well, suitable for the general population. We won’t go so far as to say it makes any voice good because that isn’t the truth. It really just makes it marketable, which is pretty sad when you think about it. What happened to talent? What happened to training and practice and hard work and TALENT? Can you tell that we feel there’s a shortage of talent amongst many of today’s popular “singers?” If not, pay attention. This is serious business. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Singers who actually HAVE talent. One such example, sadly, comes from quite some time ago. But his voice is instantly recognizable simply because of the raw talent he possessed. In many ways, this particular person was an unstoppable force all on his own, but his true claim to fame rested with a group of singers who came to be known as “The Four Seasons.” It took some time for the guys to settle on that name, let alone find a sound that was truly their own, but once they did, there was no stopping them. It’s instantly clear why they stuck around as long as they did and even inspired a “revival” of their style of music through a Broadway musical called “Jersey Boys,” which launched in 2005 and is STILL going strong today. With that type of staying power, you better believe we at Snippetz felt compelled, almost obligated, to dig deeper into the story of The Four Seasons. Go dig out your saddle shoes, poodle skirt and hair grease because we’re taking a trip back in time to the hey-day of this iconic group! NEWARK, NEW JERSEY If you were wondering where the Broadway musical got its name, it comes from the fact that The Four Seasons were started in Newark, New Jersey. OK, so we cleared up any confusion in that regard. But what about the name the Four Seasons? Where in the world did that come from? Calm down, we’re getting to that. But we truly do need to go back to Newark in the grand old year of 1934. By most accounts, 1934 wasn’t exactly a grand year, but we’re calling it grand because that was the year that Francis Castelluccio was born. Little did anyone know that little Frankie would change the face of music forever when he was cruising around the working-class neighborhood where he grew up with his three brothers. With a hardworking barber for a father, Frankie (and truly just about everyone in the housing project where he lived) assumed there weren’t many options for success available to boys growing up in the area. In fact, in the “Jersey Boys” Broadway musical, one of the characters says of the neighborhood: “If you’re from my neighborhood, you got three ways out: You could join the arm. You could get mobbed up. Or – you could become a star.” Evidently, those first two options didn’t exactly appeal to the young boy, who at seven years old, saw singer first Frank Sinatra at the Paramount Theater for the first time with his mother. He said, “I saw Sinatra coming out on stage and the way he was lit up, it was like he had an aura around him. I decided then and there that’s what I was going to do – be a successful singer.” And a successful singer he did become! He recorded his first solo song in 1953 and it was at this time when Frankie realized the last name Castelluccio, awesome as it was, just didn’t flow for a big-time singer. He decided to change it to Valley as a nod to his friend, Texas Jean Valley. Later, Frankie shortened it to Valli, the Italianized version, to pay homage to his heritage. But he still hadn’t really become the star he wanted to be. A SOUND UNLIKE ANY OTHER In 1956, he teamed up with brothers Tommy and Nick DeVito and Hank Majewski to form the group called “The Varietones.” Although literary nerds like the author of this article appreciated the play on words, the group apparently didn’t appreciate it as much because they changed their name to “The Four Lovers.” Awww, how truly 1950s, right? Even though they put in a lot of hard work, The Four Lovers didn’t have much success in those early years. Frankie managed to catch the eye (or rather, the ear) of Bob Crewe, a producer and director, who agreed to work with the group and create the recipe for success. A large part of that potential success rested on the unique vocals Frankie provided and if you’ve ever heard him sing, you totally understand what we mean! With a three-octave range, which is impressive on its own, Frankie managed to seamlessly flow from a falsetto to a deep baritone, resulting in a sound unlike anything popular at the time. Frankie even noted this when he said, “Many R&B groups had used falsetto as part of their background harmonies, but we were different because we put the falsetto out front and made it the lead.” LOVERS BECOME SEASONS As time went on, members of The Four Lovers came and went and by 1959, the guys finally got their big break. The Four Lovers, which then consisted of Frankie Valli, Tommy DeVito and Nick Massi, had a friend (you may have heard of him) named Joe Pesci, who knew Bob Gaudio. Gaudio played the piano and wrote songs for his group the “Royal Teens,” famous as the one-hit-wonders behind the song “Short Shorts.” Gaudio actually co-wrote that little ditty so whenever you hear that Nair commercial, you can silently thank him for being so inventive. Anyway, Gaudio joined up with the three members of The Four Lovers, and the new group began working with Crewe to make something happen. The Four Lovers took a tab at auditioning for a gig playing in the cocktail lounge of a bowling alley, but they didn’t get it. However, the guys felt the bowling alley’s name, The Four Seasons, had quite the ring to it and changed their name, officially becoming “The Four Seasons.” With Gaudio and Crewe writing songs and Frankie wailing away in his ever-so-distinct voice, the group had finally found the recipe for success. They churned out a number of No. 1 hits, like “Walk Like a Man” and “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” Incidentally, that last song is a nightmare for any young girl who has an older brother because any time he picks on her and makes her cry, he can just sing that to her and make it infinitely worse . . . at least, that’s what we’ve heard. WITHSTANDING THE TEST OF TIME Even though their sound is the epitome of late 1950s and 1960s music, The Four Seasons have managed to stay relevant, even all these years later. What’s even more impressive is that, in 1964 when the “British Invasion” came about with The Beatles crossing the Atlantic and bringing their music to the United States, The Four Seasons still churned out a number of hits, like “Rag Doll.” Side note: that song was actually inspired by a young woman who was obviously down on her luck but was trying to survive by washing windshields. Gaudio went to tip the woman but realized he only had a $20 bill. Being the nice guy that he was, Gaudio gave it to her anyway, even though $20 in 1964 was a pretty big tip. She was extremely grateful and he walked away with the memory of her gratitude engraved in his mind. The Four Seasons faded in and out of popularity but always managed to make a comeback just when it seemed they had finally disappeared for good. They were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1990. THE FOUR SEASONS SNIPPETZ
Issue 936 - November 2019
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, SNIPPETZ OPENS THE BOOK TO REVEAL: MONSTER LAWS by Lindsey Harrison 
“Useless laws weaken the necessary laws.”
– Montesquieu Have you ever read a rule or regulation that seemed so ridiculous and unnecessary that you can’t even imagine a reason why it would be something a governing body felt like addressing? If you haven’t you probably haven’t spent much time actually considering it because there are quite literally thousands of rules, regulations and yes, even laws that cover some pretty questionable topics. Probably at the top of the list we’ve got laws that talk about how to handle monsters. Yes, that’s right. We said monsters. Want to make something of it? Sorry, just talking about monsters tends to bring out the monstrous side of us. So monstrous in fact that the incessant noise of the video game the child sitting next to a certain writer while she writes a certain article about monsters makes her want to snatch the phone away and throw it across the room. But she’s not a monster . . . it’s just all this dang talk about them that’s getting into her head! Anyway, back to the laws about monsters thing. While many of the laws we found are admittedly fairly old, we still couldn’t believe that they even existed at one point in time in the first place! And as the quote from Montesquieu says, useless laws (such as ones that dictate behavior regarding monsters) weaken the necessary ones. Perhaps that’s why we see so many people ignoring the necessary laws, like say, the one that states a driver must stop at a red light rather than blowing through it because they’re in a hurry. You get the idea, don’t you? So, if you’re curious, as we know you likely are, sit back and enjoy these monsters laws that your friendly neighborhood Snippetz magazine has found just for you! (That means you, Susan.) BIGFOOT We’re not opening this up for a debate about whether or not Bigfoot exists. Just because we haven’t found one doesn’t mean they’re fake. But that also doesn’t mean they’re real, either. However, someone on the board of commissioners in Skamania County in Washington state felt the topic was worthy of not only a discussion, but of passing a law that protects these real/fake creatures. Granted, this was in 1969 and the law was passed on April 1 (a.k.a. April Fools’ Day) so perhaps it wasn’t a super serious law. Either way, it passed and in the language of the law, it states that it is illegal to kill a Bigfoot, Yeti, Sasquatch or Giant Hairy Ape. But we feel that lives a little room for debate. What if the creature in question simply goes by the name Karen? What then? Is it all of a sudden OK to hunt giant hairy apes named Karen? We need clarification! Initially, the law stated that such a killing was a felony and carried with it a fine of $10,000 and up to five years in jail. Now, here’s the interesting part: the law – or more specifically the ordinance – was amended in 1981 stating the fine was reduced to $1,000 and carried a one-year jail sentence. So, here’s what we think: if the original ordinance was a joke, why did they amend it 12 years later? Our theory is that there are just enough people out there who are serious about bagging themselves a Karen, er, Bigfoot that they’re a danger to the general population. Can you imagine a bunch of Bigfoot hunters taking to the woods one night and stumbling upon a Boy Scouts troop that were camping in the area of a supposed Bigfoot sighting? It makes us shudder just to think about it! Interestingly enough, Manitoba, Canada passed their own “protection” law to allow all members of the Bigfoot species the same legal protection from hunting as endangered species. Good, now we have protection for things that may or may not exist. That’s like saying your child is grounded because they may or may not try to sneak out of the house at night when they’re a teenager. To be fair, the member of Parliament that was presented with the petition to draft a law protecting the Bigfoot species said he didn’t exactly believe in Bigfoot, but felt it was his duty to represent the interests and opinions of any of his constituents, especially those who took the time to draft petitions such as the Bigfoot one. We suppose we can let that one slide, then. So far, the laws pertaining to Bigfoot that we’ve presented have all been in favor of protecting the monster. But leave it to Texas to publicly state that Bigfoot hunting is perfectly legal in the state and in fact, there are no restrictions to which season or seasons Bigfoot can be hunted in. Nor are there any limits to how many Bigfoots a person can “bag” should they decide to go Bigfoot hunting. MIGOI Speaking of Bigfoot, there happens to be another similar creature that is rumored to live in Bhutan, a small country in Asia, near India, China and Tibet. This creature (perhaps a cousin of Bigfoot, who knows?) is described as an ape-like monster that stands about eight feet tall and has reddish-brown fur and is known as a “migoi.” You’re probably wondering why a migoi has never been caught considering it’s a large creature and the reddish-brown fur probably stands out in comparison to the surrounding environment. Turns out, a migoi has a few things going for it. First off, the creature is said to walk backwards in its own footprints to keep trackers from easily following it. Second, it can also turn itself invisible. Fair enough. Even though migoi sightings are rare to say the least, a protective habitat was set up to keep these creatures safe, known as the Sakteng Wildlife Sanctuary. Now, granted, the sanctuary is also home for other wildlife species, including snow leopards, the Himalayan black bear and about 147 types of birds. But without the migoi, the sanctuary may not exist, considering it was set up using a grant from the MacArthur Foundation for $700,000 and officially deemed a protected area by the Bhutan government in 2003. The sanctuary is 253 square miles, giving the creature (and all the others who just happen to live in its protected area) a decent chunk of land on which to roam without fear of being hunted by those pesky migoi hunters. As animal lovers ourselves, this is one monster law we at Snippetz can really get behind. CHAMP Enough about Bigfoot and his relatives. Let’s move on to a perhaps lesser-known monster who also happens to be the subject of a piece of legislation. This one happens to be a monster called Champ, a pike-like creature that lives in Lake Champlain – hence the name “Champ.” Specifically, Champ is said to live in Bulwagga Bay or at least that’s where the 1819 sighting of the monster occurred. In case you didn’t know, Lake Champlain is pretty darn big so it’s marginally feasible that there’s a “sea monster” swimming around in its depths that we have yet to discover. Again, jumping right into the “let’s make laws about this thing that we have not confirmed even exists” seems a bit premature. But that’s just what both New York and Vermont did in the 1980s. It is currently illegal to harm Champ in any way . . . but as we mentioned before, that law leaves a lot of wiggle room should a creature matching his description ever be discovered. What if Champ is actually Charlene? There’s no protection for a Charlene in the waters of Lake Champlain. So sad. Champ actually has his own day in Port Henry, New York, which takes place every summer. As if that wasn’t enough, cryptozoologists – pseudoscientists who seek to prove the existence of creatures like Champ and Bigfoot – officially posited the idea that Champ is actually a plesiosaur . . . yes, they said he’s a dinosaur. Again, we’re not saying they’re wrong exactly, but they quite literally have no proof so making laws to protect him and claiming that he’s a dinosaur living in the 21st Century might be taking it a bit far. WHITEY Champ isn’t the only aquatic monster that has received enough notoriety to be considered worthy of a protection law. Whitey, a river monster that lurks in the White River between the Arkansas towns of Jacksonport and Possum Grape. We bet you can’t figure out how Whitey got its name . . . Anyway, Whitey has been spotted on several occasions since 1915 but it was one sighting in 1973 that prompted Robert Harvey, a state senator for Arkansas, to bring a bill forward for approval that created the White River Monster Refuge, prohibiting anyone from hurting Whitey in any way . . . within the refuge’s boundaries, of course. Members from both the Republican and Democratic parties apparently felt strongly about the bill and it was approved – thus becoming law – by a large majority. Issue 937 - December 2019
DECEMBER HOLIDAY FOODS: IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER by Lindsey Harrison “Food, in the end, in our own tradition, is something holy. It’s not about nutrients and calories. It’s about sharing. It’s about honesty. It’s about identity.” – Louise Fresco, Dutch scientist It’s undeniable that holidays often revolve around food. But this time of year is arguably the time when food takes center stage more so than at any other. Not only do we have Thanksgiving at the end of November, but we jump almost immediately into the busy month of December, with Hanukkah and Christmas dominating the world’s holiday calendar. And it’s pretty safe to say that those two holidays carry with them more than a handful of traditional foods, those foods that we’ve all come to not just know and love, but to expect at the dinner table. Naturally, the food options vary from place to place and culture to culture. That’s what makes December holiday foods so darn interesting! And that’s also what piqued out curiosity, ultimately inspiring us here at Snippetz to unwrap the story behind some of the traditional foods served during the December holiday season! KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN You might be tempted to assume that a traditional Christmas meal from Kentucky Fried Chicken would come from someplace in the United States . . . maybe even Kentucky, if you were feeling like being specific. Sadly, that’s just not the case. KFC may be a staple of some American’s holiday meals, but there’s one country where a bucket of fried chicken took the entire nation by storm. Japan! In the 1970s, Japan lacked any definable Christmas meal traditions and KFC decided they could fit the bill. A “party barrel” was created just for that purpose and the tradition caught on so well that people in Japan often have to reserve their meal months in advance to ensure they get their food in time to celebrate their Christmas Eve meal. WHALE AND REINDEER MEAT As appetizing as fried chicken sounds, the folks in Greenland have opted for other types of food, specifically mattak and kiviak. You’ve probably never heard of those dishes, unless you’re from Greenland, of course. Our personal opinion is that maybe you’re not missing much because mattak and kiviak don’t sound as good as, say, turkey and stuffing. Mattak is strips of whale blubber wrapped in whale skin, while kiviak is composed of the fat, meat and blood of a certain sea-faring bird, herbs and berries. Everything is then wrapped in the lining of a seal’s skin and left to ferment for a while before it’s eaten. FIGGY PUDDING Unlike mattak and kiviak, you’ve probably heard of figgy pudding, if for no other reason than because it’s in the traditional Christmas carol, “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.” This dish has been a staple of holiday meals in England, Ireland and even parts of the Unites States. So, what’s this thing made of? Figs, probably. Wrong! It’s actually made of eggs, molasses, suet (a.k.a. fat), spices and various dried fruits. But that’s not all, folks! This dish mush be set ablaze with brandy before it’s served, because what’s Christmas without something being set on fire, right? MELOMAKARONA “Melomakarona is the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas day.” Wait, that’s not right. Melomakarona is actually a traditional Greek dessert served on Christmas day. (In case it was driving you nuts, the actual song lyric is “Mele Kalimimaka is the thing to say . . .”). Anyway, back to the dessert. Melomakarona is a type of cookie that is made with cinnamon, cloves and orange zest before being soaked in honey and topped with walnuts. We’ll definitely take this dish over whale fat and seal skin, just saying. LATKE This super delicious pan-fried potato pancake-type dish is an important meal during the Hanukkah holiday season for many places around the world. It’s been around since the Middle Ages and with good reason. Who wouldn’t want fried potato pancakes? But there’s an actual religious reason why latkes are prepared during Hanukkah, namely the oil in which they are cooked. That oil is said to represent the oil used to keep the Menorah alight for eight days. Makes sense to us! LOUKOUMADE Speaking of Hanukkah, there are lots of other symbolic dishes prepared during the holiday season besides latkes. For instance, loukoumades are essentially the Greek version of a doughnut, but after they are fried, they are drenched in syrup and dusted with cinnamon and walnuts pieces. This dish is said to symbolize the cakes the Maccabees ate. Sounds yummy. SOFT PRETZELS Any true sports fan could definitely get behind a celebration that includes soft pretzels. Luckily, Hanukkah happens to be one such holiday! It sounds strange because Americans so often eat soft pretzels for quick snacks at sporting events, but it’s true. The basic symbolism behind the pretzel is, once again, the fact that it’s fried in oil, which represents the Menorah burning for eight full days. However, some soft pretzel dishes include cheese, which is meant to represent Judith’s victory. Judith is a very important figure in the story of Hanukkah, in case you weren’t aware. BRISKET Yet another Hanukkah staple, brisket might be a surprise addition to a holiday meal but it’s been on the Hanukkah menu for a long time. Why? What makes brisket so special? Well, for starters, it’s inexpensive and it tastes awesome. Because it’s inexpensive, people could afford to buy larger cuts and then just cooked them longer at lower temperatures. When you’re feeding your extended family for a holiday meal, it’s ideal to use something that can go a long way and that’s exactly what brisket does! FISH SOUP AND FRIED CARP It may not sound appealing from the outset, but fish soup and fried carp are traditionally served as the holiday meal on Christmas Eve in the Czech Republic. Perhaps the addition of potato salad as a side dish makes it sound more appetizing. No? Well, many Czechs fast during the entire day of Christmas Eve. That might account for their hunger for these strange foods at their holiday dinner. But they don’t fast to work up an appetite. Those who do are usually doing so because legend has it that you’ll see a golden piglet flying through the air and that’s said to bring good luck. Anyone seeing a golden flying piglet just might have good luck bestowed upon them, but it seems more likely to us that they’re hallucinating due to hunger. Either way, tradition is tradition and we’re not ones to judge! HERRING Again, herring probably doesn’t top you list as a holiday favorite, but in Lithuania, it is practically required. Kidding, but you’ll see what we mean. Now, Lithuania has their traditional Christmas meal, Kūčios, on Christmas Eve and it usually includes 12 dishes, several of which contain herring. The number 12 is significant because it presents the 12 apostles of Jesus Christ. Among those dishes is usually a variety of herring salads, like herring with carrots or herring with apples. But there’s also Kūčiukai, small cookie-like bits of dough made with flour, water and poppy seeds. And to top it all off, there’s often poppy seed milk available to drink. WHITE CHRISTMAS Geography lesson: the United States is in the Northern Hemisphere, while Australia is in the Southern Hemisphere. That means, when it’s winter in America, it’s summer in Australia and that means Christmas is a summer holiday rather than a winter one. As you can imagine, summer weather in Australia equates to much of the same summer behavior we have in America, namely grilling. Thus, traditional Christmas meals often include various grilled foods, especially seafood. Ham is frequently served but that’s nothing new. The tasty dessert known as “White Christmas” might be, however. It’s made with coconut, dried fruits and rice cereal (like Rice Krispies, for instance). That’s a dish we could certainly go for at Christmas! THE FEAST OF THE SEVEN FISHES You probably can’t guess what food The Feast of the Seven Fishes is centered around, can you. If you said fish . . . you’re right! Although it’s not a tradition everywhere in Italy, that is where it originated and has made its way across the Atlantic Ocean to the tables of some Italian Americans. The feast features seven different types of fish prepared in seven different ways. Why seven? Well, that’s the number that is repeated the most in the Bible. PANETTONE This Italian dish actually is traditionally served during Christmas all over Italy. It’s a sweet bread that contains candied fruits, chocolate, sultanas, raisins and nuts. There isn’t much in our traditional American Christmas menu that resembles panettone except for one thing: fruit cake. We’ll get to that, don’t worry. Back to panettone. While it isn’t clear why panettone is served at Christmastime, there’s a legend that says the bread was made by accident by a servant named Toni. Hence “pane” (Italian for bread) and “tone” (Toni, just spelled differently). FRUIT CAKE Last, but certainly not least, is fruit cake. This poor dish has gotten a bad rap and to be honest, we just don’t agree with the negativity surrounding it. Japanese fruit cake, as made by a certain writer’s mother, is something she looks forward to each and every Christmas. For those of you who don’t particularly enjoy it, you can always take that fruit cake your mother-in-law’s cousin’s friend made for you and head up to Manitou Springs, where they hold a fruit cake toss each year! Issue 938 - January 2020
GONE WITHOUT A TRACE: SNIPPETZ WONDERS WHERE EVERYBODY WENT by Lindsey Harrison “We are born, we live, we disappear. One of the chilling aspects of history is the swiftness with which it carries us into oblivion.” – David Ebershoff, American writer Have you ever had a day when you just felt like disappearing? Maybe you bombed an important presentation at work. Or maybe you accidentally backed your Jeep into a beautiful, cherry red Mustang in the parking lot of an Arby’s. Or maybe you had have to unexpectedly put down the most loveable, affectionate and amazing dog you’ve ever had whose name was Bane and looked like a big tiger running around your backyard. Two of those three things have happened to a certain writer who’s struggling to deal with the devastation of the latter scenario and you can rest assured, she certainly feels like disappearing. Of course, she knows that won’t bring back her dog and she also knows disappearing in this day and age isn’t as easy as it may seem. We each have a paper trail a mile long from all the transactions we execute on a daily basis. And then there’s our cell phones that quite literally track our locations everywhere we go. But things weren’t always this way. It used to be much easier to disappear. Not that we at Snippetz know for sure; it’s not like we’ve ever made anyone disappear before. No dirty secrets here, we swear. Anyway, this is a special article because this time around, not only have we decided to look into some famous examples of people disappearing, but we’re enlisting the help of you, our faithful readers to help us find someone very important: Baldo. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. First and foremost, let’s take a peek into some famous disappearances throughout the course of history, shall we? THE LOST COLONY OF ROANOKE If you’re an “American Horror Story” enthusiast, you may recall hearing of this colony from the 2016 season called “Roanoke.” If not, you may still have heard of the colony of Roanoke because of the mysterious circumstances surrounding its existence . . . and more importantly, its disappearance. Allow us to set the stage: the year is 1587. The place is present-day North Carolina. A group of about 115 settlers (including men, women and children) from England landed just off the coast of the New World, on an island called Roanoke Island. The settlers were led by John White who became the governor of the Colony of Roanoke. White and his fellow settlers decided to put down roots on the island to create a new outpost where a previously abandoned one had been located. Being the summer, the settlers agreed it was the ideal time for White to go back to England for more supplies so they could better establish themselves as a colony. Sounds like a smart plan, right? It would’ve been if a war between England and Spain hadn’t broken out shortly after he arrived back in England. White’s ship, along with all other available ships at the time, were called to help fight the Spanish Armada. Naturally, that delayed White’s return to Roanoke, which would become a huge factor in the mystery of the Lost Colony of Roanoke. While White was gone, his daughter gave birth to a baby girl named Virginia Dare. Baby Virginia was the first English child to be born in the New World. Awesome, right? White probably thought so but little did he know he would never get to meet his granddaughter. When he was finally able to sail back to Roanoke with the additional supplies in 1590, he was confronted with a startling discovery: the entire colony, including his daughter and granddaughter had disappeared. Stranger than that, every structure in the colony disappeared as well. Nothing remained to even suggest that the Roanoke colony had existed – except for one strange finding. Carved into a wooden post left behind was the word “Croatoan.” But why such a strange word? It turns out, Croaton was the name of an island located just south of Roanoke Island, which was inhabited by a tribe of Native Americans bearing the same name. As you can imagine, speculation and rumors have circulated since the disappearance, including theories that the colony was abducted by the Croatoan tribe and forced to assimilate into their culture, or that the Croatoans simply massacred the settlers. There is no definitive answer and any evidence pointing to one theory over another has been promptly rebuffed by other researchers. Bottom line: the colony of Roanoke is now – and could possibly be forever known as – the Lost Colony of Roanoke. THE BENNINGTON TRIANGLE You’ve likely heard of the Bermuda Triangle, that creepy place in the Atlantic Ocean that seems to swallow ships and airplanes, leaving behind not a trace. Well, there’s another similar “triangle” that happens to be in Bennington, Vermont. This particular triangle doesn’t swallow ships and planes, though. It apparently targets people. Between 1945 and 1950, four people disappeared from the area, none of whom had a whole lot in common. They varied in demographics quite a bit, beginning with 74-year-old Middle Rivers, a local hunter, who disappeared while he was leading a hunting party through a forest in the area. The only clue left behind was a single bullet but Rivers was never seen again. In 1946, Paula Jean Welden was the next to disappear. Welden was a college student at Bennington College who, by all accounts, was a hardworking and reliable student. On December 1, Welden told her roommate that she wanted to take a study break and planned to go for a walk on the “Long Trail,” a trail of more than 270 miles from just north of Bennington to the Canadian border that wound its way through the lush New England forests. She was dressed in jeans and a jacket, neither of which would have provided the proper protection from the elements for someone who planned to be gone for a long time. Additionally, she did not have any money on her and there was an uncashed check from her parents waiting for her back in her dorm room. Although a search effort was launched, it was poorly coordinated and Welden was never found. On Dec. 1, 1949, the next disappearance occurred, that of James E. Tetford, who was seen boarding a commercial bus but was nowhere to be found when the bus arrived at its destination. Tetford’s luggage was still in the bus’s luggage rack and a bus schedule was found on the seat where he had been sitting, but Tetford himself was mysteriously gone. In 1950, 8-year-old Paul Jepson, dressed in his bright red jacket, disappeared from his family’s farm. As with Welden, a search party was organized but no sign of the young boy was ever found and Jepson became the fourth disappearance in the area. A fifth disappearance victim is often recorded in this same area and time frame, but that victim, Frieda Langer, was eventually discovered a year later, even though a thorough search effort had been launched when she initially disappeared that came up empty-handed. THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF PUPPY TESSA… AND BALDO’S SEARCH FOR CLUES Baldo is a fun-loving fellow who lives in a small town along the Front Range in Colorado. Being a bit challenged in the hair follicle department never bothered Baldo. He lived his quiet life with his little puppy Tessa and he was loved by all for his witty sense of humor. Loved by all….except ornery, ol’ Miss Clancy. She didn’t like to laugh, and although she threatened revenge upon anyone who made her laugh, Baldo still made it his mission to cheer her up. It was a day, an ordinary day, one not much different than any other day…but we were soon to find out that it was NOT going to stay an ordinary day. Baldo and his puppy Tessa set out for town to have a cup of coffee. They were walking past ol’ Miss Clancy’s house when all of a sudden, the old biddy poked her head through the dense hedge. “Keep that mutt away from my yard, you silly man!” she growled in his face. Baldo thought of scolding her for frightening his dog, but instead, he decided he’d turn her frown upside down. Baldo asked ol’ Miss Clancy, “How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale!” Ol’ Miss Clancy let out a snort…. a weird grin began creeping across her wrinkled face…then all of a sudden, a scrawny hand reached through the hedge and grabbed his little puppy, Tessa. “I’m sorry I made you laugh!” Baldo exclaimed as he scrambled through the hedge to follow her, but it was too late. Mean ol’ Miss Clancy and sweet puppy Tessa were gone! Issue 939 - February 2020
TRULY A DELIGHT TO SEE THE SMILES ON THE FACES OF SO MANY LOVE IS IN THE AIR! by Lindsey Harrison 
“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”
– Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist It’s that time of year again when everyone’s thoughts turn to all things love-related. For some of us, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. For others, this time of year is one of the hardest to deal with. Either way, we get it. But we’d be doing a great disservice if we chose to simply ignore the fact that February truly is the month when “love is in the air.” So, with that in mind, we at Snippetz have decided to take a different approach to our article this month. Instead of only focusing on Valentine’s Day – which is the 14th, for those of you who need the subtle reminder so you can swing by the store and grab a card and flowers and hopefully stay out of the doghouse this year – we’re going to look at love in general. Of course, we’ll address Valentine’s Day. We aren’t heathens after all. But we’re not going to get all caught up in that. Instead, it’s all about “wuv, true wuv.” In case you didn’t get that last reference, that was the clergyman from “The Princess Bride” when he attempts to marry Buttercup and Prince Humperdink. And now, without further ado, we bring you Snippetz’s article about love! HISTORY OF VALENTINE’S DAY Contrary to what you might (incorrectly) assume, Valentine’s Day was not created by Hallmark or the candy companies in an attempt to generate sales of cards and heart-shaped boxes of chocolate. So, how did it become a thing, then? Good question. We actually have the answer for that! Back in the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I, in his esteemed wisdom, decided to replace the Roman festival of Lupercalia with St. Valentine’s Day. Lupercalia, for all you uncultured swine (kidding, we didn’t know this right off the top of our heads either), was the celebration of the impending spring. The festival was dedicated to the Roman god of agriculture, Faunus, and often included things like fertility rites and other rituals, including pairing men and women off according to a lottery system. You might be asking yourself, why did Pope Gelasius I make such a unilateral decision? There’s actually no evidence to support the claim that he made the celebration replacement purposefully. Perhaps it’s just the world’s biggest “oops.” Either way, you’re also probably wondering who the heck St. Valentine was and why did he deserve his own day, especially one dedicated to love of all things. Well, that’s actually up for debate. One legend claims St. Valentine was a man who tried to help Christian prisoners escape from the Roman prisons, where they were often sent to fight lions in the arena. Another claims St. Valentine was really a priest who served Rome during the 200s. At that time, the Emperor, Claudius II, felt single men were better soldiers than men who were married with families and thus, he outlawed marriage to ensure he had a large enough supply of potential soldiers at his disposal. Priest Valentine was appalled at the move and decided to help young couples marry in secret. Naturally, the emperor found out and had Valentine beheaded. Still another legend says it was a man named St. Valentine of Terni, a bishop who also happened to lose his head to Emperor Claudius II. That’s enough of Valentine’s Day. We’re moving on. WEDDING CUSTOMS FROM AROUND THE WORLD If you’re American and got married here in the States, chances are pretty good you participated in at least one of the standard wedding customs we have. For instance, you may have heard the rhyme “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue,” referring to the various items a bride is supposed to have with her or on her during the wedding ceremony. And let’s not forget the bouquet toss. But there are so many more interesting examples from around the world! Here are a couple for your reading pleasure:
One interesting custom that many Americans adapted over the years comes from the French custom of “charivari.” The original “charivari” consisted of the members of the soon-to-be-married couple would gather and walk down the streets of the town, banging pots and pans with the intent of scaring off evil spirits with all the noise. Hop the Atlantic Ocean to the west and we Americans have transformed that tradition into tying empty cans to the bumper of the car in which the newlyweds make their exit from the ceremony. FAMOUS COUPLES THAT EPITOMIZE LOVE When you think of famous couples that are really the epitome of love, it can be difficult considering many famous couples don’t end up lasting all that long. But there are some famous couples who have withstood the test of time. Here are some of our favorites:
LOVE SONGS For those of you hopeless romantics at heart, one estimate states there are more than 100 million songs about love out there right now. Naturally, we are all drawn to our own love songs for various reasons but because this writer is allowed to say whatever she wants, she’s going to share some of her favorites: “By Your Side” by Sade (because this writer listened to this song a ton when she met her future husband); “Bless The Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts (because this writer and her husband danced to this song at their wedding); and “Landing In London” by 3 Doors Down (because this writer would torture herself with this song when her future husband would be gone for work). You don’t have to agree. But if you’re at all curious, just take a listen! KEEPING THE ROMANCE ALIVE We’re not talking about that kind of “keeping the romance alive” so get your mind out of the gutter. We’re talking about ways that couples can keep their relationships interesting as time goes on because, let’s face it, things can get a bit boring and mundane when you’re 15-20-30 years into your marriage. One thing this writer and her poor, long-suffering husband have found that makes things fun is to rotate anniversary responsibilities. Sure, they could just go to dinner and exchange cards but they’ve opted instead to take turns planning anniversary activities. For instance, this year, this writer signed her and her husband up for a painting class at which they painted portraits of their beloved dogs. Several years ago, this writer’s husband took her to dinner at a place neither had ever tried, then took her to the Garden of the Gods at night where they say and watched “Men in Black 3” while looking out at the lights of the city. Another year, this writer took her husband to Boulder where they attempted an “escape room” where they had to solve puzzles to try to free themselves from a locked room. Trust us when we say it was not as scary as it sounds and was quite a bit of fun in the end! |
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