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Issue 940
Snippetz Looks Back At ALL THINGS CELTIC by Lindsey Harrison “I’ll tell you what I’m grateful for, and that’s the clarity of understanding that the most important things in life are health, family and friends, and the time to spend on them.” – Kenneth Branagh, Irish actor Another month gone in the sure-to-be epic year of 2020 and what a month it was! We had an extra day, what with Leap Year and all. We learned all kinds of things about love because we all feverishly read the February issue of Snippetz, which make sense what with Valentine’s Day being February 14th and all. You probably can’t guess what we’re going to focus on for this month, can you? All things Halloween! Just kidding. For this March issue, we are taking the logical approach and focusing on all things Celtic. Now, we could do just Irish but that leaves out a whole bunch of interesting people and things that deserve some recognition. Like what, you may ask. Well, dear reader, keep reading because all will be revealed in due time. PRONUNCIATION IS KEY In the grand scheme of things, pronunciation of certain words is probably not that important, unless you’re some sort of language guru or extremely picky about such things. Luckily for you, we just happen to be the sort of magazine that is very concerned about such things and thus, we want to clear up any confusion about how to pronounce the following words: Celt and Celtic. If you happen to follow basketball, specifically the National Basketball Association, you’ve probably heard of the Boston Celtics. And you’ve probably heard thousands of people shouting, “Celtics! Celtics!” during their games. But chances are pretty good that they were pronouncing the word “Sell-tics” rather than “Kell-tics” and if so, that’s just plain wrong. Although you may think you could have gone the rest of your life without knowing the proper way to pronounce Celtics, you’re wrong. It’s crucial to the survival of the human race to know that. So, no more “Sell-tics” basketball fans. It’s “Kell-tics” all the way! CAN YOU PLEASE DEFINE THAT? OK, now that we’ve got the pronunciation thing out of the way, let’s move on to actually defining what Celtic truly means. In today’s terminology, Celtic typically refers to the languages, cultures and various groups of people from Ireland, Scotland and some parts of Great Britain and France. However, the first record of the Celts dates back to about 700 B.C. and indicates that they were a grouping of tribes that lived north of the Alps in the area of the Danube River in Europe. But wait, Snippetz. That’s not Ireland or Scotland. Correct, dear reader. The Celts originated in central Europe and eventually, over several hundred years, spread both east and west, arriving in Ireland in about 500 B.C. It is unclear when the Celtic culture became the main cultural group in Ireland or Scotland, but by about 4 A.D., the Celtic language was the primary language spoken in Ireland. That’s another point of clarification we need to make: “Celtic” refers to a specific group of cultures, but there’s no one master Celtic language. As we mentioned before, there are several languages and groups under the Celtic umbrella and in today’s times, there are actually six languages considered to be Celtic: the Gaelic Celtic group which includes Irish, Scots Gaelic and Manx; and the Britonic Celtic group which consists of Welsh, Breton and Cornish. NOT AFRAID TO “BARE” IT ALL You’ve probably heard the rumors that Scottish mean don’t wear anything underneath their kilts. Whether that’s true or not – and it’s likely a personal preference more than anything – there was a point in time when going commando (a.k.a. going without underwear) was not uncommon. In fact, it was a fairly traditional practice of Scottish men going into battle to rebuke underwear. Now, we’re not going to pass judgment on those who choose not to wear underwear beneath their kilts, but it seems a bit dangerous not to keep certain body parts under wraps, so to speak. Regardless, the question of what’s underneath a man’s kilt is completely moot for some Celtic cultures who were said to wear nothing but their birthday suits into battle. But why, you might ask? Allegedly, it was intended to mess with their opponents’ mental state. It’s almost impossible not to envision a naked army running down a lush Scottish hillside completely nude and it’s equally as difficult not to giggle at the image. But the Greek historian Polybius had a different take on the sight: “Very terrifying too were the appearance and the gestures of the naked warriors in front, all in the prime of life, and finely built med, and all in the leading companies richly adorned with gold torques and armlets,” he wrote. Of course, that statement makes more sense when coupled with the assertion that Celtic men absolutely hated being overweight and quite literally incurred penalties should they find themselves a bit on the hefty side. There’s one group of Celts that we simply cannot neglect to mention when it comes to battle: the women. Celtic women often fought right beside their male counterparts and were feared equally by their enemies. Two different Roman writers even independently described an island inhabited entirely by female Celtic warriors that was so feared by enemy armies, they refused to go there, knowing it would mean almost certain death. One particular female warrior, Boudicca, has gone down in history as one of the fiercest fighters of her time. Although she eventually was defeated, she didn’t allow the Romans to take her prisoner and instead committed suicide by drinking poison. That was one tough lady! RUMOR HAS IT . . . From early on, we’ve all likely been taught the danger of spreading rumors. It’s hurtful and can result in some seriously damaged reputations for no reason. And to be honest, it’s just downright mean. Tell that to the Romans, who apparently felt such animosity towards the Celtic cultures that they began to spread rumors that the Celts were dirty, filthy, scruffy, stinky and simply unhygienic. Turns out, that was all untrue. Celtic cultures highly valued hygiene and archaeological evidence has shown they had a plethora of personal grooming items. There is even evidence suggesting Celts introduced the Romans to soap. Given what we already know about their concern for their appearance, particularly the men who needed to remain fit in case they disrobed before a battle, it seems much more likely that the Romans had a problem with the Celts than that the Celts were the filthy barbarians the Romans would have us believe. HEADS UP! There may be some truth to the rumors about Celtic barbarians, just not in regard to their hygiene. Allegedly, the Celts had a bit of a nasty habit of taking the heads off their enemies. According to historical documents, Celts believed each person’s soul was located in their head and would thus decapitate their enemies and keep them. Apparently, having a large collection of random heads lying around wasn’t considered morbid or unsanitary but rather, it was a sign of prestige. This is just us talking here, but it probably didn’t do the Celts any favors that they literally decorated with severed heads if they hoped to dispel any rumors about their cleanliness. RELIGION Prior to the spread of Christianity, the Celtic tribes held their own spiritual beliefs and superstitions that shaped how they lived. One such example was the common Celtic belief that places like rivers, lakes, bogs and the like had supernatural qualities about them. They also believed certain animals also had connections to the supernatural. One specific religion was led by a priesthood known as the Druids. Now, we know that never in the history of ever has a religion ever made up stories about another religion to create disdain, fear or aggression amongst their followers. Nope. Not once. And yes, that’s sarcasm. It’s like a second language to us. Anyway, the Druids happen to be one such religion that got a bad rap from other religions. For instance, one story indicates that a Druid named Figol was so angry with his enemies that he essentially cast a spell on the opposing army’s men and their horses to prevent them from being able to urinate, thus causing their bodies to fill with urine. Wow. Because that can happen, right? To be fair, some of the Druid practices didn’t exactly jive with Christianity but that’s not to say that all Celtic people are heathens. In fact, the whole idea of a shamrock being a symbol of the Celtic culture is based on the Holy Trinity. Each cute little leaf represents either the Father, the Son or the Holy Spirit. See? Nothing heathen about that! Issue 941
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT... SNIPPETZ BRINGS YOU MONTY PYTHON! by Lindsey Harrison 
“Alright, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?”
– from “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” If you’re anything like us here at Snippetz, the above quote is exactly the type of statement we adore. There’s really nothing better than a dry, sarcastic sense of humor to make any situation uncomfortably funny. And there’s really no group that is better at making a situation funny than the guys of Monty Python. If you’ve never heard of them, first off, we can’t be friends. But secondly, that’s part of what we’re here for: to bring you all the bits of information about a topic that you never knew you needed to know! And with the Monty Python crew, there is plenty for us to tell you about. For instance, did you know that the name “Monty Python” means absolutely nothing? It’s not some weird reference to a favorite pet or anything normal like that. As the members sat around trying to figure out what to name their sketch comedy troupe, one man suggested something slithery (hence, Python) and another suggested something reminiscent of a stereotypical drunk British man (hence, Monty). We wouldn’t necessarily recommend that as a way to pick the name of your next child, but then again, what do we know? As you can see, we have a lot of cool information hidden up our sleeves about the Monty Python group, so you should probably keep reading because you never know when this information will come in handy! MONTY WHO? It’s probably a smart place to start off with the men involved in creation of the Monty Python comedy troupe, wouldn’t you agree? Even if you don’t, you’re not writing this, we are and you just have to deal with it. The Monty Python team consisted of John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Terry Jones, Eric Idle and Terry Gilliam. The first concept was for “Monty Python’s Flying Circus,” which was a British comedy series that aired on the British Broadcasting Corporation from 1969 to 1974. Why on the BCC? Well, everyone except Gilliam was British. Gilliam was the token American who rarely acted in the skits but was the main contributor of the goofy animations found throughout each episode. You should definitely know a bit about each of the “Pythons” as the members came to be called and luckily enough, we happen to have such information!
Aside from the television series, Monty Python also had a number of successful movies including: “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (1975), “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” (1979) and “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life” (1983). MONTY PYTHON’S FLYING CIRCUS SNIPPETZ
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL SNIPPETZ
MONTY PYTHON’S LIFE OF BRIAN
MONTY PYTHON’S THE MEANING OF LIFE
Issue 942
SNIPPETZ ASKS... WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH FENG SHUI? by Lindsey Harrison 
“My view on feng shui: don’t put your bed in front of the door because you won’t get in.” – Jonas Eriksson, Swedish author
Have you ever walked into someone’s house and immediately felt at home? It seems that some people really understand how to make a house feel comfortable and inviting. And that, of course, means there are other people who don’t. That’s not to say they are bad decorators or they have shabby furnishings. No, the point is that some people have an innate ability to see how a piece of furniture should be placed in a room to facilitate the flow of foot traffic or how to balance the sides of a massive room so it feels cozier. Is there something they know that the rest of us don’t? Maybe, maybe not. However, there is an ancient Chinese art known as feng shui which is based on the idea that everything around us has energy and there are ways to channel or direct that energy to benefit ourselves. Naturally, the opposite is also true; placing items in our environment in the wrong place can be detrimental to ourselves in various ways. Whether you believe in the power of feng shui or not, it seems like a worthwhile endeavor to us! Why not use the feng shui guidelines to arrange your household furnishings to improve the energy in your life? It certainly can’t hurt, right? With that in mind, we at Snippetz felt it important to give you a “How To” guide for feng shui . . . and here it is! WHAT IS FENG SHUI? We already loosely defined what feng shui is but there’s way more to it than just that little bit. For instance, feng shui was created over 3,000 years ago, which we have to say would be a long time for something as simple as a decorating trend to last. But considering feng shui is thought to be way more powerful than a decorating trend, that makes sense. Another important piece of information is that the literal translation of “feng” is wind and “shui” is water. This is important because the entire idea of feng shui lies in the belief that the elements of the natural world interact with each other, even in ways that we can’t physically see. One way to think of these interactions is through two cycles, one that’s productive and one that’s destructive. The productive cycle goes like this: water produces wood, wood produces fire, fire produces earth, earth produces metal and metal produces water. Conversely, the destructive cycle goes like this: water douses fire, fire melts metal, metal chops wood, wood burdens earth and earth blocks water. Understanding those two cycles is key to feng shui because how you structure a room based on items containing those elements – i.e. where to put your plants in relation to the fireplace or metal desk – can either impede or facilitate the flow of the energy associated with those elements. OK, so that seems like a relatively straightforward concept, right? Well, now we have to throw in another idea and that is the concept of the Lo Shu Square. Remember back to Snippetz issue 868 when we talked about Sudoku? The Lo Shu Square is basically like one 3x3 block of a Sudoku puzzle. Each of the smaller blocks contained within that main 3x3 block has a different number ranging from 1 to 9. From left to right, top to bottom, the numbers go like this: 4, 9, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 1, 6. Why do we need to know about the Lo Shu Square? Well, that’s because the Lo Shu Square can fit directly over another 3x3 square called the bagua. The bagua is basically the building blocks of feng shui. Each square of the 3x3 bagua grid corresponds to a number on the Lo Shu Square and each number is related to a certain direction, element and/or an area of your life. From left to right, top to bottom, the relation goes like this: 4 = southeast, wealth and prosperity 9 = south element (fire), reputation 2 = southwest, love and marriage 3 = east element (wood), health and family 5 = center element (earth), health 7 = west element (metal), creativity and children 8 = northeast, knowledge and self-cultivation 1 = north element (water), career 6 = northwest, helpful people and travel Lastly, there’s a color wheel that goes along with the bagua, which is essentially one color corresponding to each square and it looks like this:
So, you can see how everything relates to everything else somehow. Numbers, elements, directions, colors, they all play a role in how energy flows through our houses and where the energy is concentrated. That’s the point of feng shui; to make use of that knowledge to concentrate energy in ways to help the various areas of our lives. HOW TO USE FENG SHUI You’re probably thinking that, if you can find a purple item that can be placed in the southwest corner of your house, it will bring you prosperity. You’re partly there. There are certain items that a typical person has in their house that are alleged to better attract and concentrate energy in the corresponding points on the bagua. For instance, if you want to concentrate energy on your career, you’d look for a mirror or fountain with black on it and place that in the northern area of your house. Why? Because north = black = water = career, remember? Here are some other items to consider placing in the appropriate areas of your home to concentrate energy in that direction:
There are, of course, other principles of feng shui to consider when organizing your house. For instance, there’s something called the commanding position, which is applied specifically to your bed, desk and stove. Why? Because those items represent you in various ways. Your bed represents you, your desk represents your career and your stove represents your wealth and how you take care of yourself in this wonderful world. The commanding position directs you to be facing the door in any room without being directly in line with the door itself. Thus, your bed should face the door without being directly across the room from it. Same goes for your desk and stove. You should be able to see the door without being directly across from it, regardless of where you’re sleeping, working or cooking. As with just about anything else, there is more than one way to apply the principles of feng shui and it definitely depends on who you talk to. The above explanation may be recommended by some, while others take a different approach. For instance, some people recommend that, regardless of which way is true north, you should place the black square – on the grid, it’s in the middle box of the bottom row or No. 1’s position – at the entrance wall of the space you are organizing. From there, you can see where items should be placed based on the location of the various energy concentrations or colors or numbers, whichever makes the most sense for you. The great thing about feng shui is that it can be used for your entire house or even each individual room in your home. Perhaps you want to make sure the energy in your office is directed mainly at your career, rather than say, your love life. Using the bagua, you can place your furnishings in the proper place to achieve this. Perhaps you face your desk towards the door (without putting it directly in line with the door) and add a mirror to the entrance wall, next to your door. It probably wouldn’t hurt to make sure the mirror had some black on its frame. Similarly, if you want your bedroom’s energy to be more focused on love and relationships rather than on helpful people and traveling, you can place your bed across from the entrance door, but not in line with the door, and then add a couple paired items – candles, photos, a cute set of kissing bears – to the wall that is at the top right of that room as you stand at the entrance. Technically, that would be a corner, but as long as it’s in that general area, it’s probably fine. Also, don’t forget the pink! As you can see, there are many interpretations to feng shui so our recommendation is to try out a few methods and see what happens! Issue 943 - A
IT’S 244 YEARS LATER AND THE ARMY (STILL) GOES ROLLING ALONG By Lindsey Harrison “It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.” – Zell Miller, American author Every year, June 14th is kind of a big deal. The obvious reason is because it’s the birthday of a certain writer’s daughter, who turns 12 this year. The less obvious reason is that it’s the day before said writer’s birthday, but we’re not going to discuss how old said writer turns. While those two reasons are clearly important and should be noted by one and all, another reason technically trumps both of those: June 14th marks the 244th birthday of the United States Army. Given that we have such a strong military presence in Colorado, specifically Colorado Springs and the surrounding areas, we at Snippetz felt it was appropriate to celebrate the momentous occasion with an article paying homage to the U.S. Army. It comes with one caveat, however. This writer has never been in the Army so she is depending on reliable sources to provide the proper information. That said, if she gets something wrong, cut her some slack. It’s not a purposeful slight to those who served in the Army (or any other branch of the military for that matter); it’s a simple mistake. But as always, we strive for accuracy and this article will be no different. So, with that said, enjoy! HERE’S THE SCOOP . . . While brainstorming how to approach this article – because it’s the U.S. Army we’re talking about here and we certainly don’t want to screw anything up – it became clear that a simple history of the branch would be not only long but potentially a bit boring. Not because the Army is boring but because history isn’t always that exciting. Let’s be real: history often isn’t that exciting. Notice we didn’t say the study of history is boring because that certainly isn’t. But we also happen to know what makes for good reading and generally a play-by-play account of an organization’s history just isn’t going to cut it. So, where does that leave us, you may be wondering. Well, we’ve decided to find some interesting bits and pieces – snippetz if you will – of information about the U.S. Army that you may or may not know but that we feel are pretty darn interesting. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 1 – The United States Army is older than the country it belongs to. Although this bit of information may not be all that unusual, it still struck a chord with us because it’s awesome. And also, we’re the ones writing the article so you just have to deal with it, don’t you? Anyway, it sort of makes sense when you consider how our country obtained its independence from England. We fought for it. And how does one fight for something? Perhaps with an . . . army? That’s exactly what our Founding Fathers had in mind when the Second Continental Congress passed the measure to create the Continental Army on June 14, 1775, one year before the United States of America officially declared itself as a nation. On June 15, 1775, George Washington – a.k.a. the first president of the newly-created U.S.A. – was appointed as the commander-in-chief and the rest is history. Actually, it’s all history but you get the idea. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 2 – George Washington chose the Army’s colors in 1779. This might not be terribly interesting to everyone but we think it’s pretty cool. After all, who else can say they’ve had their uniform color scheme chosen by the one and only George Washington? No one else, that’s who. The sad thing is that, throughout history, the Army has changed their dress colors to other combinations, almost as though Washington’s choice wasn’t good enough. Luckily, the Army came to their senses in 2010 and went back to Washington’s colors. Can we just point out that there’s something to be said for sticking with tradition and we feel, in this instance, tradition quite rightly won out over novelty. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 3 – About 500 dogs currently serve in the Army. If you aren’t impressed by this bit of information, then we don’t know what will impress you and frankly, we don’t know if we can be friends with someone like you. What makes this cool is that they’re dogs and they’re in the Army. Duh. But they’re not just regular dogs. They undergo hours and hours of training every month to maintain their status as military working dogs and can specialize in anything from being attack dogs to narcotics- or explosive-detection dogs. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 4 – The Army wore Swastikas on their sleeves until World War II. The Swastika was not originally a symbol associated with cruelty, evil and all the other nasty words you can think of to define Nazis. In fact, the U.S. Army’s 45th Infantry used the symbol as a sleeve insignia. Why? It was originally a Native American symbol for good luck and the Army wanted to honor their Native American members. Then those darn Nazis took it from us and we had to stop using it. Stupid Nazis. Anyway, the Army replaced the Swastika with a Thunderbird so as not to be confused with the Nazis. Stupid Nazis . . . stupid Nazis. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 5 – The Army’s official song was almost completely different. Take a second to look back at the title of this piece of literary mastery. Notice how it says that the Army goes rolling along? If you didn’t already know that quote comes from the Army’s official song, called “The Army Goes Rolling Along.” Funny how that works, right? But what if we told you the Army almost adopted a song that sounded like “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts?” It’s true. The song, written by Sam Stept and called “The Army’s Always There,” was the first suggestion as the official song of the U.S. Army but someone pointed out the similarity in the tune to the much less dignified song referring to coconuts and thankfully, the current version was adopted instead. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 6 – The youngest general in Army history served during the Civil War. Why would we bother with such a random, seemingly unimportant piece of information? Well, for starters the man’s name was Galusha Pennypacker. With a name like that, he deserves to be remembered! Anyway, he earned the status of brevet brigadier general when he was 20 years old, which is pretty incredible if you think about it. And the fact that no one has been able to achieve the same honor since then is a feat unto itself. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 7 – Modern guerrilla warfare was developed by an Army general. When you think of the Revolutionary War, you probably think of lines of men marching towards each other, shooting off rounds from their bayonet-adorned guns. That image is mostly accurate. However, the ingenious Army General Francis “Swamp Fox” Marion is credited with developing a brand new type of fighting style, known as guerrilla warfare. No, it’s not fighting like gorillas . . . notice the spelling difference. Guerrilla warfare consists of using the terrain to your advantage and surprising your opponent, rather than marching at each other as described above. The “Swamp Fox” nickname came from Marion’s penchant for following swamp paths to achieve those surprise attacks. If you ask us, that form of warfare makes way more sense than the previous method. Seriously, who thought forming straight lines and walking directly at your opponent, out in plain sight and everything, was the best way to handle a war? Sheesh. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 8 – The Army used the first submarine in a war. Speaking of the Revolutionary War, the U.S. Army was the first to attempt to use a submersible vehicle during that war. It was called the Turtle and was operated using hand and foot controls. Unfortunately, the Turtle’s attempt to sink a British ship located off Governors Island in New York was unsuccessful but hey, you can’t win if you don’t try, right? ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 9 – The Air Force used to be part of the Army. Not to add more fuel to the fire burning between the various branches of military in the U.S., but the Air Force was once part of the Army. Technically, the Army gave birth to the Air Force. Back in 1947, the National Security Act of that same year separated the Army Air Corps from the Army itself and created the Air Force. ARMY SNIPPETZ NO. 10 – The Ranger slogan was inadvertently created on Omaha Beach in Normandy. If you’re an Army Ranger, you’ve likely heard the Ranger slogan “Rangers lead the way.” But why do Rangers lead the way? Or at least why is that the slogan? Well, it all happened at the invasion of Normandy during World War II. General Norman Cota commented to Major Max Schneider that “If you’re Rangers, lead the way!” Apparently, that stuck and the elite team of Army Rangers have used it as their slogan ever since. Issue 944A
SNIPPETZ PROUDLY LOOKS BACK AT: THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION By Lindsey Harrison 
“Revolution is about the need to re-evolve political, economic and social justice and power back into the hands of the people, preferably through legislation and policies that make human sense. That’s what revolution is about. Revolution is not about shootouts.” – Bobby Seale, American activist
While many people are out celebrating the height of summer with barbecues, camping trips, backyard swimming pools of both the permanent and blow-up variety and nights of sleeping with the windows open, July holds a special place in most Americans’ hearts because of our Independence Day. In case you aren’t up to speed with your American history, the Independence Day of the United States of America is July 4. But that simple statement doesn’t do justice to what declaring our independence from Great Britain actually meant . . . and what it cost. Sitting here in 2020, it can be difficult to relate to events that happened nearly 250 years ago, but with the current political climate in our country, maybe it’s not so hard after all. Perhaps we’re seeing the beginnings of our own revolution? Who knows? We don’t because we can’t see into the future so quit asking us, OK? What we do know is that the American Revolution resulted in our official break from Great Britain’s rule and we’re pretty sure most of us consider that a good thing. However, that break didn’t come overnight and it wasn’t due to just one little thing. As with most huge world events, the American Revolution came on the heels of years of conflict between the American colonies and Great Britain. There’s nothing like a little conflict to get your revolutionary juices flowing, right? Anyway, we at Snippetz felt it was appropriate (and necessary) to share with you the information we’ve found to explain how the American Revolution went. Naturally, there’s no way we could fit every single detail of the entire revolution, including what led up to it, in this article, but we’ve managed to pick out some key points so you can get a general idea of what went on and perhaps surprise you with some “snippetz” you didn’t know. But since we weren’t there, we are relying heavily on the information provided by historians who are experts in that sort of thing so if we get something wrong, remember we are doing the best we can with what we have! WHAT LED UP TO THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION? In general, the American colonies and Great Britain had a generally tolerable relationship. The colonies basically governed themselves without much interference from British Parliament and everyone seemed to like that just fine. However, the British formally declared war on France in 1756, resulting in the French and Indian War that lasted until 1763. Once the war ended, Great Britain was left with mountains of debt it couldn’t repay and resorted to taxing the American colonies to help recoup the money. To be fair, the British had defended the colonies during that time and obviously felt the new taxation was a fair method of payback. It wasn’t just that Great Britain wanted to tax them on something many colonists felt they shouldn’t be taxed, though. The idea that British Parliament could levy taxes against the colonies without the colonies having any sort of say about the matter was another huge piece of the puzzle. You’ve probably heard the phrase “taxation without representation;” this exact situation is what that phrase refers to. Ultimately, many of the colonists just didn’t want to be regulated, governed, ruled, etc. by the British anymore. It’s during this tumultuous time that things like the Boston Tea Party – when colonists boarded three British tea ships at Griffin’s Warf in Boston and dumped 342 chests of tea into the harbor on December 16, 1773 – occurred as the frustrated colonists openly protested various taxation acts by the British. On April 19, 1775, negotiations to avoid war had failed and the British arrived at Lexington Green in the Province of Massachusetts Bay with the hopes of seizing munitions there and then moving on to Concord to do the same. But the “minutemen” from the colonies – referred to as such because they claimed to be battle-ready at a minute’s notice – were already there, preparing to show the British they couldn’t be defeated that easily. Although the colonists hadn’t necessarily intended to fight, they were hoping to make a show of force to keep a fight from breaking out. Apparently that didn’t work because a shot was fired – it’s unclear who fired the shot but it’s been called the “shot heard round the world” since it signaled the start of the American Revolution – and the fighting began. It became clear to many at that point that breaking away from Great Britain was the only way to achieve the goal the colonist hoped for – independence and a chance to govern themselves. Thus, on July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed and the colonies officially dissolved their relationship with Great Britain. However, the American Revolutionary War raged on until Sept. 3, 1783 when the Treaty of Paris was signed. THE MAIN BATTLES OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION As we mentioned before, it would be nearly impossible for us to be able to list all the important parts of the American Revolution. It seems that just about any part of any revolution would be important, doesn’t it? But there are some instances that supersede the others are defining moments or turning points. Here’s a list of the major battles of the American Revolution:
Depending on how you categorize the battles, some were “larger” than other, like the Battle of Long Island, in which about 40,000 soldiers from both sides fought. Others were large in their own way – the Battle of Yorktown saw the largest number of British soldiers surrender (about 8,000 men) – for example. Or the Siege of Charleston where the British took 5,000 continental soldiers prisoner. Similarly, the British surrendered about 6,200 soldiers under the command of General John Burgoyne at the Battle of Saratoga. The battle in which the Continental Army saw the greatest number of wounded or killed was the Battle of Camden – about 1,050 soldiers to Britain’s 314. The Battles of Cowspen and Kings Mountain each had the highest percentage of men lost – the British lost about 90 percent of their troops in each battle. NATIVE AMERICANS AND SLAVES WERE DRAGGED INTO THE WAR Many Native American tribes were caught in the middle of the American Revolution as the colonies fought for the land they had “rightfully” stolen from the native tribes when they “discovered” America and decided to colonize it. However, the British were able to gain their favor when they banned colonists from expanding westward into Native American territories (wait, wasn’t it technically ALL Native American territories??). Regardless of where their loyalties rested, most Native American tribes were decimated by the war due to fighting casualties or disease and were also completely left out of the Treaty of Paris, basically telling them and the rest of the world that they weren’t important enough to consider. Similarly, slaves were used as pawns in the war. Initially, the colonists feared slaves gaining power and refused to “let” them serve in the Continental Army. However, it became clear that the additional troops were needed and some states offered freedom to slaves who volunteered to fight. In all, about 7,000 African Americans served the colonies and about 20,000 served the British. THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION WASN’T JUST FOUGHT ON AMERICAN SOIL Contrary to popular belief (and as the name would lead you to believe as well) not all of the American Revolution was fought here on American soil. At various times throughout the war, Great Britain found itself fighting in several locations other than the colonies. They lost control of New Providence Island in the Bahamas after the Continental Navy defeated them on March 3, 1776, for instance. Other battles were fought in the Caribbean, Europe and India. This “divide and conquer” strategy proved to be essential to the success of the Continental Army by diverting Great Britain’s troops and resources to other locations, giving the colonies the upper hand in a time when they might otherwise have been defeated fairly easily. Issue 945A
SNIPPETZ HAS YOU COVERED WITH THESE GARDENING TIPS FOR FALL ALONG THE FRONT RANGE By Lindsey Harrison “Gardens are not made by singing ‘Oh, how beautiful,’ and sitting in the shade.” – Rudyard Kipling, English writer It’s that time of year again, folks. Kids are getting ready for school, whether that be in person or via distance learning. If you’ve lived in Colorado for any length of time, when school starts, you likely start feeling anxious for the seasons to change. But at the same time, you likely also know that there’s really no accurate, reliable way to predict when that change will occur. Last year, just as the leaves were beginning to change colors with the onset of fall, we had a frost that nipped all the plant life around us and suddenly it was winter. Fall was just a myth in 2019. But that’s rarely the case. Usually, we have a beautiful fall, where the mountains appear to be aflame with the changing leaves of the aspens, oaks and maples. And frequently, we have summers that hang on for dear life, with temperatures soaring way beyond any decent number for such a time of year. As you may have imagined or even experienced, autumn in Colorado can offer a variety of challenges, especially to anyone thinking they can make a garden happen. It’s not impossible; that’s not what we’re saying. But it can be difficult and that’s why we at Snippetz felt it necessary to offer up some tips and tricks for anyone hoping to continue their gardening excursion into the fall. Of course, this isn’t an all-encompassing article intended as the be-all-end-all of guides for gardening along the Front Range of Colorado in the fall, but hopefully you’ll find some helpful hints to make you experience a bit less difficult . . . and maybe even fun! PREPARATION IS KEY As nice as it would be to be able to simply throw some seeds on the ground and let nature deal with the rest but this is Colorado and that’s basically never going to be the case. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, just as we mentioned before. However, one of the most overlooked steps to a successful garden is probably the preparation. Start with clearing away any dead plants or old growth from the area in which you plan to garden. Simply pulling them may be enough, but if not, you may need to resort to a systemic herbicide to get rid of the plants you don’t want that may effectively steal nutrients in the soil from the plants you hope to cultivate. Speaking of soil, you definitely need to prepare the ground in which you intend to plant. Sometimes that can feel like a daunting task but truly, there are lots of ways to inexpensively get that dirt ready for some plants. For instance, use the leaves that might otherwise end up in a big lawn and leaf bag as fertilizer instead by mulching them up in your lawnmower. Additionally, aerating your soil is a major part of prepping it, especially when we’re stuck with heavy clay in so many areas. Proper access to water and oxygen through the roots – which are planted in the soil in case you forgot how plants work – is required for a healthy plant. Did you know that Colorado’s soil in general is very alkaline, meaning the pH level is higher than the ideal neutral level and thus, most plants can’t handle the imbalance? Well, you do now! And that might explain why you’ve struggled to keep some plants alive in the past. But it’s possible to amend your soil to create a more inviting environment for your plants, so don’t worry. Use organic material that helps bring down the pH level, such as sphagnum peat, elemental sulfur or aluminum sulfate to name a few. Preparation of the soil and the areas around which you’re going to plant is only part of the process. If you aren’t planting seeds but rather plants that have already begun to grow, they may need some help getting used to life outside all day, every day. That may sound silly, but it’s true. The process is called “hardening off” and basically it works by setting your plants outside for a couple hours each day, increasing the time and exposure to the sun over a period of a few days. By the time you get them in the ground, your plants will be better accustomed to their new home. That doesn’t mean they don’t need some extra help in the event of inclement weather. Cover them during hail and overnight if the temperature drops below 45 degrees. WHAT TO PLANT AND WHEN Although it would be nice to be able to plant whatever type of bush, tree or flower you want at any time during the year, that is definitely not how things work in Colorado. Aside from the fact that our weather doesn’t always work in a gardener’s favor, there are multiple types of topographies and climates throughout our fair state. Those topographies and climates significantly impact what types of plants can survive in a certain area and when they will do well. Plant hardiness zones help sort out what types of plants will thrive in which areas. Colorado has five zones ranging from the coldest growing zone – zone 3 – to zone 7, where the weather tends to be moderate with the occasional freeze. Specifically speaking, Monument falls into zone 5b. In general, zone 5 has a medium length growing season. Many vegetables can be grown in this zone, some of which can be started as seeds inside as late as mid-July or August. Those include carrots, spinach, peas, lettuce, kale, beets and broccoli. That puts the harvesting time for these vegetable right around mid to late October. If you’re on the ball enough to get your seeds started inside a bit earlier, the variety of vegetables you can successfully start indoors and transplant outdoors becomes even broader. Notice we say “can” because we simply don’t know what type of gardener you are and don’t want to give you false hope. For all we know, you’re like this writer who can kill a cactus . . . unless you’re talking about the one she bought in 7th grade in Fairplay, Colorado. That little bugger is going strong all these years later. Some plants, called perennials, come back year after year so you don’t have to plant new ones each growing season. Awesome, right? Those vegetables include chives, asparagus, horseradish, shallots and rhubarb. The harvesting time for these plants varies with chives ready from April to December; asparagus ready in May; horseradish and shallots ready pretty much year ‘round if the ground isn’t frozen; and rhubarb ready beginning in June. Don’t over-harvest or you won’t leave enough of the plant to come back the following year. Stick to smaller amounts and keep an eye on them for a while after you’ve harvested them. You still need to take care of these plants even though they tend to be super low maintenance since they come back each year. Make sure to weed around them and a bit of fertilizer here and there certainly can’t hurt. Knowing what zone you’re in, combined with your newly obtained knowledge about soil quality and how to prepare your garden before planting puts you head and shoulders above the average aspiring green thumb. You’re welcome. FALL GARDENING SNIPPETZ
Issue 946
HOW TO STAY SANE ON A CROSS COUNTRY MOVE with your mom, your two kids, your spouse, your two large dogs and all your earthly possessions during a pandemic By Lindsey Harrison 
“It’s fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.”
– Lindsey Harrison, former Colorado resident Colorado is undoubtedly a beautiful state. But so is Maine. And that’s why the Harrison family of Colorado Springs decided to move to Maine when they found themselves in need of a change. So, they did their due diligence and researched places in Maine that they could call home. Turns out, Bangor was a perfect fit and no, it wasn’t entirely because Stephen King has a house there. With the location settled, the couple set their sights on finding jobs. Then they put their house in Colorado on the market and picked out a place to live in Bangor, which just so happens to be about two blocks from Stephen King’s house but that’s neither here nor there. With all the major details figured out, the Harrisons felt confident they could make the move without too much trouble. Then COVID-19 happened and everything changed. No longer able to take a trip to visit their future home, the family had to settle for buying a house essentially sight unseen and navigate the ever-changing territory of COVID-19 regulations between Colorado and Maine. But in the end, they made it work. You’re probably wondering how and that’s where Snippetz comes in. We’ve brought you a unique “how-to” guide in the hopes that, should you decide to make a similar life change, you can learn from their successes and mistakes. Enjoy! SHOULD I MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY? In a word, no. Kidding. Moving across the country to start a life in a new place is basically how our nation was settled and look how well that turned out. So, if you think that’s a change you need, we say go for it. However, we strongly urge you to consider hiring a moving company to pack your things, haul them wherever you’re going and then unload and unpack everything for you. Trust us on this one; the additional cost is worth it. The Harrisons did NOT follow this advice and every ounce of their beings wishes they had. Not only did they have to pack all their stuff, they then had to drive with it and then unpack it all after spending four days on the road. Literally, the last thing they wanted to do when they got to their destination was unload an entire home’s worth of furniture, decorations, dishes, etc. PLAN AHEAD Since the Harrisons knew it was going to be a difficult trip, they planned ahead by booking their hotels before they left so they could drive from one destination to the next with very little guesswork. That was such a smart! And they also intentionally looked for hotels along the way that had swimming pools to try to give the kids something to look forward to after spending 10+ hours each day cooped up in a car. Genius, right? They thought so, too. Until, of course, the websites of the respective hotels failed to indicate that their pools were closed due to COVID-19. Trust us, the Harrisons looked at that when booking their rooms but things just didn’t work out as intended. Of the three overnight hotel stays the family made during the trip, the only one with a working pool was the one in Kansas City, Missouri. Naturally, it wasn’t awesome to find out there were no pools to enjoy throughout the rest of the trip. Considering how many places weren’t even allowing guests at the time, the family felt they were pretty lucky to find hotels along the entire route that were reasonably priced and accepted dogs. Sleeping in their vehicles would have been just about unbearable and leaving their dogs behind was literally the last thing they would have wanted to do. COVID-19 complicated the plans the Harrisons had made but with a bit of extra planning, everyone made it to Maine with their sanity in tact. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED Here’s the thing about driving across the country during a pandemic: there will undoubtedly be hiccups in your plans and random hurdles to jump. It’s a wise idea to just know things will happen that you aren’t going to be completely thrilled with and find a way to roll with the punches, so to speak. For instance, when the Harrisons pulled into their hotel in Albany, New York, they fully expected to be able to hop out of the car, go into the hotel lobby, check in and then finally hit the hay. It was well after 10 p.m., after all. But that’s not exactly how things went. First, the hotel was apparently a haven for random Albany residents to hang around outside and smoke marijuana. Second, when Mrs. Harrison went inside to check in, she learned the hotel was under new ownership, which had created a new rule requiring a hold of $100 on each guest’s credit card when they checked in. It wasn’t a deal-breaker for the Harrisons, though. If it meant they could finally get some much-needed rest, they were willing to pay. What did end up being a deal-breaker was the fact that the new owners of the hotel no longer allowed pets. Even though the Harrisons had booked their room more than a week prior to their intended stay, the “nice” man behind the counter refused to honor their reservation. The family had to climb back into their respective vehicles and travel to the only other hotel Mrs. Harrison could find at that time of night an available room. Once they reached their new destination, Mrs. Harrison once again headed to the hotel lobby to check in. After about 15 minutes, 3 phone calls and multiple “bangs” on the fancy reception desk’s bell, a nice gentleman appeared to help the family settle into their room. Said room happened to be decorated in a hideous combination of baby poop green, brown and yellow. Of course, while not ideal, the family didn’t care that the décor was repulsive. They did, however, care that the room temperature was at least 437 degrees Fahrenheit. The room’s AC unit didn’t work too well so the family melted in the humid heat until they rounded up a fan to place on top of the unit to blow the small amount of cool air produced out into the room. The bathroom in that hotel was a bit scary as well. Mrs. Harrison’s mother locked herself in multiple times, accidentally of course, because the doorknob didn’t like to cooperate. To say that night was restful would be a gross overstatement. ENJOY THE RIDE Most people don’t typically think spending 10 hours per day in a vehicle for a series of 4 days is the ideal way to spend the first few days of July and that is 100 percent accurate. But even when your 100-pound mastiff/Great Dane mix drools across your shoulders and jabs his pointy nails into the back of your arm as he fights with you for the arm rest, there will likely be plenty to see and enjoy. One way to pass the time was a game Mrs. Harrison’s mother invented: find the license plates from as many of the 50 states as possible. Or perhaps you’re more of the “see how many other moving trucks are towing vehicles just like the moving truck Mr. Harrison is driving.” That game certainly took up some time. And for the record, there appeared to be a LOT of other people relocating with their vehicles just as the Harrisons were. Another incredibly interesting game is called “when are we going to stop, I need to pee.” Not only did the humans get involved, but the dogs played along very well indeed. Still not exactly the type of game you’d be entertained by? What about “don’t fall asleep?” That’s a very difficult game and often requires multiple cups of coffee and/or energy drinks. Admittedly, the least favorite game for any of the family members was “where should we get food.” That game often involved bickering back and forth and repeated utterances of “I honestly don’t care where we eat just as long as we stop somewhere soon.” Now, remember, this was during the pandemic so the family couldn’t exactly pop into their favorite place for a nice, relaxing meal. Fast food was really the only option and that was eaten outside in the hot, sticky air of early July in the American Midwest and New England Issue 947
IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL YOU LEARN WHAT NATURAL THINGS AREN'T NATURAL By Lindsey Harrison “If you can’t be in awe of Mother Nature, there’s something wrong with you.” – Alex Trebek, Canadian-American television personality Even though he didn’t give this answer in the form of a question, we whole-heartedly agree with Mr. Trebek in his above statement about Mother Nature. There is definitely something wrong with anyone who can’t see the absolute perfection in what Mother Nature has to offer. And wouldn’t you know it but we humans have somehow managed to dabble in Mother Nature’s territory to the point where we’ve created things that are nearly impossible to believe weren’t created by the lady herself. It’s true. There are plenty of things out there acting like Mother Nature just thought them up in a fit of brilliance when really humankind was behind the process all along. Don’t believe us? That’s fine. You and your wrong opinion can stop reading right now. Just kidding. Don’t stop reading. We love you, even if you’re wrong. Kidding again! Keep reading because the information we have for you in this gripping Snippetz article is sure to (metaphorically) blow your socks off! WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS . . . According to the old saying, when life hands you lemons, you’re supposed to make lemonade. But what did we all do before lemons existed? We’re not talking in “dinosaurs-walking-the-earth” times either. Lemons weren’t around back then. It turns out, DNA analysis done by Southwest University shows that lemons are actually the result of crossbreeding the citron and sour orange. Without humankind’s intervention some 2,000 years ago (give or take), lemons as we know them may not ever have come to be. So, to whom do we give the credit for creating such a wonderful, sour little fruit? It’s unclear but it’s believed they originated at the foothills of the Himalayas. Can you imagine hanging out at the base of Mt. Everest roughly 2,000 years ago or so and deciding it was high time we had a new fruit around? Maybe someone decided making a new fruit was easier than climbing the highest mountain on the planet . . . and to be fair, they’re probably right. It’s also less likely to get you killed. IT’S BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-S Speaking of man deciding to create something new and delicious (but probably not while sitting at the base of Mt Everest), our next stop is on the tasty banana. Many thousand years ago, bananas were nothing more than pods packed full of inedible seeds. But leave it to humankind to take that as a challenge and set about making that inedible pod into something better. All it took was crossbreeding the banana with less seedy plants and voila! Modern bananas! OOPS, WE MADE A GEYSER That’s probably not a phrase you expected to read today, nor is it a phrase you are likely to ever say in your lifetime. But there is at least one person (and really an entire company) out there who can say that with a completely straight face and even pass a lie detector test while doing so because that’s exactly how the Fly Geyser in the Nevada Desert was created: by accident. Interestingly enough, that “accident” happened twice. The first time was in 1916 when a company drilling, hoping to find water for farming, hit a body of geothermal boiling water. The water, sitting at about 200 degrees, was clearly NOT going to work for irrigation purposes so the company abandoned it. The geyser remained and over time, a calcium carbonate cone formed at the site. But that’s not all. In 1964, a geothermic energy company had an idea: they hoped the water at the site would be hot enough to use for their geothermic purposes and went back to the geyser to drill a new well at the same place. The water, still 200 degrees, was too warm for farming (obviously) but not hot enough for their purposes so they attempted to seal off the well and go about their day. The seal was crappy and thus, a new geyser erupted. The first geyser lost its pressure and now stands as a dry cone, but the new geyser – known as the Fly Geyser – is still there for your viewing pleasure. And what a pleasure it is! Since it’s made of multiple spouts, the calcium carbonate deposits are constantly growing and shifting, and the thermophilic algae covering the mass boasts varying shades of red and green, making the geyser even more spectacular. COLORS, COLORS, EVERYWHERE Mother Nature isn’t one to shy away from color so most people think nothing of the beautiful colors that can be seen at the Morning Glory Pool in Yellowstone National Park. The natural pool of hot water would be incredible on its own but man definitely had something to do with the brilliant hues that radiant in concentric rings from the pool’s depths. For years, the pool was a rich blue color but over time, as people have thrown random things into it, the Morning Glory Pool has started to change colors. The outer rings have taken on a reddish yellow tinge as various types of bacteria have begun to grow. How? All that “stuff” people have thrown in over the years have blocked some of the thermal vents, allowing new and differently-colored bacteria to grow. So, if we had left it alone, the Morning Glory Pool would probably still be just blue. Instead, we messed it all up (unintentionally yet again) and now alien bacteria has started to take over. And scientists say that bacteria will eventually take over entirely. Bummer. Way to go, humans. THE AGE OLD QUESTION: COB OR NO COB? OK, so it’s not an age old question. But it’s an important one. Simply because corn tastes better on the cob and we will literally fight anyone who dares to contradict us. Anyway, corn is yet another thing humans have meddled with that most of us never had a clue about! Teosinte, a wild grass, is the original ancestor of modern-day corn. About 6,300 years ago, native tribes in Mexico appear to have experimented with the grass to breed larger cobs and kernels. It took some time, but eventually the corn we know and love today was finally developed, but it does have one flaw: it can’t grow in nature on its own. It requires help from humans to grow as you may see it growing in miles upon miles of fields across the American Midwest. NOT THAT AMAZON Did you know that there’s another Amazon out there aside from the online retailer giant? It’s true. There’s actually a region in South America called the Amazon. No joke. And that region isn’t quite as natural as you might assume. Various tribes inhabit the region and for thousands of years, those tribes have manipulated things in the area to fit their needs. Take cocoa beans and Brazil nuts, for instance. You may assume that those fantastic foods were discovered in the Amazon but they were actually basically invented there, due to crossbreeding over other plants. As much as we like to think of the Amazon as a pristine, “untouched by human hands,” all-natural utopia, turns out it’s anything but. BEEE CAREFUL! Well, this time we really did it. We really made a “killer” mistake. Actually, it was the people back in 1957 who decided to try to increase the honey production of bees in Brazil that are to blame. See, it was then that some biologists decided to bring some African bees to Brazil in the hopes that they would breed with the European honey bees that already lived there. Now, with biologists behind the wheel of this little introduction, you may think everything went just fine. But we wouldn’t be talking about them in this article if it had. Turns out, about 26 queens of the African bees that were brought over took off with some of the European honey bees and set out on their own, away from the confines of the “controlled” environment created by the biologists. And the result? Years and years of interbreeding with each other that has created an extremely aggressive and seemingly blood-thirsty species now called killer bees. That’s no misnomer either, folks. FYI: a misnomer is something that has been incorrectly or inaccurately named. Killer bees actually kill people and in fact, have killed about 1,000 people since they were first discovered. OTHER UNNATURAL SNIPPETZ
Issue 948
SNIPPETZ SAYS WE COULDN’T MAKE THESE EMERGENCY ROOM STORIES UP IF WE TRIED! By Lindsey Harrison 
“Emergency rooms . . . were the nightmares your nightmares had while they slept.”
– Nicole Deese, America author As little kids, we’re all asked the same question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Many us of probably said a ballerina, an astronaut or something along those lines. As we grew older, some of us moved away from those career paths onto other perhaps more attainable or realistic jobs. Seriously, we can’t all be ballerinas or writers for the prestigious Snippetz Magazine, no matter how badly we want that to be true. And it’s really not fair because being a part of those exciting career fields can be as much of a dream come true as anyone could ever hope for. But there are other careers out there that are just as fulfilling, if not as prestigious as the ones we mentioned above. For instance, what about paramedic or emergency room nurse? Those unsung heroes of the frontline are knowledgeable beyond what any regular human should be and witness moments that are literally life-altering. Sometimes they pull off incredibly brave and nearly miraculous live-saving feats and other times nothing they do can win against the hands of fate. And then there are times when something so completely random and unbelievable happens that the rest of us mere mortals struggle to wrap our heads around the situation. THOSE are the times we at Snippetz are interested in because why not? Isn’t it fun to hear about stories from people who have quite literally seen it all? We think so and that’s why we’re bringing you some of those stories here. You know you’re interested, so if you’re looking for some impeccably written and insanely entertaining stories straight from the trenches of the back of the ambulance or emergency department, look no further! One caveat: we don’t have all the actual background details of each story so we took a bit of artistic license. It’s fine. BOYS WILL BE BOYS (IS THAT EVEN STILL A THING?) It’s unclear how long ago the following story took place but it’s likely it wasn’t too long ago. Anyway, here’s what happened. It was a typical day on the construction site for “Hank” and “Arnold,” two construction workers who started to feel a bit antsy because there wasn’t much work to be done. As often happens at such times, Hank got an idea. He decided it would be interesting to see if stapling a baseball hat to Arnold’s forehead could keep the hat on in any weather and possibly be the next big invention to take on the show “Shark Tank” and help make them millionaires. The hitch? They didn’t have any staples. So, instead of staples the pair settled for nails and a nail gun. Turns out, it wasn’t the next big invention and the construction workers didn’t end up taking their idea to “Shark Tank.” Instead, they went to the emergency room to have the nail (and the baseball hat) removed. Luckily, Arnold didn’t suffer any lasting damage and left with just a small hole and some stitches. He and Hank also received a word of warning NOT to try to come up with any more inventions. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS Now, we’re not saying that we’re the brightest crayons in the box or that medical issues are always the easiest to understand and deal with, but this next scenario is a bit hard to understand. We’re headed back to the hospital to hear about the escapades of “Walter.” Walter was a man who had just been diagnosed with diabetes and needed some extra help learning how to inject himself with insulin. That’s fair, right? It’s not easy shoving a needle into your body, let alone doing so multiple times each day. Anyway, Walter got some help from a nurse who used an orange to demonstrate exactly how his insulin shots should be administered. Nodding his head in understanding, Walter was discharged from the hospital and sent home to hopefully take care of himself all on his own. However, Walter ended up in the hospital roughly a week later because he had not seen an improvement in his diabetes. In fact, it was much worse. Naturally, the nurse (who just so happened to be the nurse who helped him the first time around) asked him if he had been administering his insulin properly and he responded in the affirmative. She asked him to show her how he was doing it and produced an orange on which he was to demonstrate. He took the orange, injected the insulin into it, peeled the fruit and then ate it. In case the problem is unclear, injecting the orange was meant to be a simulation of how Walter was to inject the insulin into himself. Guess he didn’t understand quite as well as he thought, did he? BEAUTY (AND AN ARROW) IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER Guys, it’s never a good idea to shoot things at your eyes, OK? Can we all just agree on that for a second? But in this next story, to be fair, the guy – whom we shall call “Marcus” for the purposes of this article – wasn’t trying to shoot himself in the eye. Here’s what happened: Marcus wandered into the emergency department one afternoon with a small puncture wound to one of his eyes. After being asked what happened, Marcus responded that he was merely trying to see what it would look like if someone pointed an arrow at you . . . but not just a regular old arrow that you’d perhaps hold in your hand. No, Marcus wanted the full experience and so he wanted to see what it looked like if he should draw the arrow using a bow and aimed it at a mirror to see his reflection. Surely, that would result in the desired effect, right? Wrong. Marcus accidentally fired the arrow at the mirror, which bounced off and hit him in the eye. At least he had enough sense to take himself to the hospital afterwards. ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR WATSON For this next story, we will hear of an emergency room nurse named “Watson” (appropriate, no?). Watson was working with some colleagues in the emergency room (duh, we already said that) when a patient was brought in who had collapsed after ingesting a drink from what appeared to be a soda bottle. Given that it was only partially full, Watson made the assumption that whatever caused the man to collapse was possibly in the soda bottle. However, Watson (not using very good detective skills) opened the bottle and took a huge whiff of the contents. Before we go any further, we feel the need to pause here a moment and bring in some rules learned in Chemistry 101, namely that you should NEVER take a big whiff of ANY unknown liquid to try to determine what it is. Instead, you should waft the fumes from the open container towards your nose with your hand so you only get a small sampling of whatever odor may be present. Back to the story. Watson has just sniffed the container, right? He then announced that he smelled almonds. Well, that our dear Watson, is a good indication that the substance in question is cyanide. Why, you ask? Well, couple the almond scent with the fact that the man who drank it had collapsed shortly thereafter and it’s a pretty easy conclusion to reach for anyone with a reasonable amount of training in such things. And yes, emergency department nurses are among those people who have such training. Watson’s coworkers were apparently not quick to let go of such a major faux pas and he had to spend the rest of his shift in a chemical protection suit as punishment. MAYBE IT’S TIME TO CAST THAT CAST ASIDE This next story may be a bit much for some of our more sensitive readers but if you think you can handle it, we recommend reading it even if for no other reason than as a cautionary tale to always follow up with your primary care provider as recommended following any emergency room visit. One day, a woman named “Rebecca” was admitted to the hospital with a broken leg. That much was clear since she already had a cast on the leg. What was unclear was why she was at the hospital since the leg had already be set and cast. However, Rebecca was apparently still having pain in that leg so the team in the emergency department decided to cut it off and see what was going on. Well, it turns out that Rebecca had broken her leg more than a year prior and had been wearing the cast ever since, instead of getting it removed after the appropriate amount of time (usually something like 6-8 weeks). The pain she was feeling was actually maggots that had hatched under the cast and had eaten away the flesh on her leg, exposing the bone underneath. We are POSITIVE those emergency department personnel were NOT expecting that. Issue 949
SNIPPETZ HAS SOME PREDICTIONS FOR 2021 By Lindsey Harrison 
“I figure lots of predictions is best. People will forget the ones I get wrong and marvel over the rest.”
– Alan Cox, Welsh inventor It’s December, guys. We’ve almost made it through this incredibly strange, unprecedented year. We’re not gonna lie; things have been tough. But we’ve come this far and there’s not much more time before we leave this year behind. Just because we start a new year in less than a month doesn’t exactly guarantee things will be better. You’re in luck, though. We have a strong feeling 2021 is going to bring about some really great things. How do we know? Maybe that’s a secret we’re not willing to share. And anyway, does it really matter how we know that 2021 will be awesome as much as it matters that it will be awesome. Don’t believe us? Fine. But we’ve got some pretty solid predictions about the upcoming New Year so why not stick around for a while and see what there is to look forward to! Oh, and there’s something we have to add: the predictions contained in this admittedly spectacular article are predictions only and Snippetz in no way makes any guarantee of their accuracy. EVERY DOG (AND CAT) HAS ITS DAY We’re sincerely hoping this prediction isn’t wishful thinking on our part, but we predict that people are going to continue to adopt more animals from the Humane Society rather than through pet stores or private breeders. Why? Because we truly feel people are craving companionship now more than ever. What’s better than going to the pound and picking out that special friend who has been waiting for the perfect owner, just like you? The feeling you get from taking home an animal and giving them a comfortable place to sleep, eat and play is literally unlike any other and the benefits you gain from bringing a creature who will love you unconditionally can reduce the stress caused by the other, less enjoyable aspects of your life. No, this isn’t a shameless plug for pet adoption through the Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region . . . let’s just say it’s a glowing review from a satisfied customer and a prediction that people all over the country, if not the world, will be seeking comfort and companionship in 2021. Maybe it’s because we’re all sick and tired of feeling not awesome and once the New Year hits, we’ll be ready to do something about it! NETFLIX, NETFLIX AND MORE NETFLIX It’s no secret that many of us have watched more shows and movies through streaming apps like Netflix than ever before. But with winter fully settled upon us and lots of other unpleasant goings on keeping everyone inside, we predict that, by springtime, more than 90 percent of the Earth’s T.V.-watching population will have watched every single solitary show on Netflix. The absolutely brilliant part of this prediction is that there is probably no way to verify whether or not it actually comes to pass. For all any of us know, that is exactly what is going to happen. And how silly will all you doubters look when we prove ourselves to be the next Nostradamus in magazine form? SUPERBOWL FOR THE (RELATIVELY) SUPER OLD Football certainly took on a new look in the 2020-2021 season, with fewer teams playing thanks to you-know-what. And some of the players that we love – or love to hate, as it were – have moved from their tried and true teams to new ones. There’s lots that doesn’t look that same. So, what does that have to do with our predictions? Settle down, Sassy Pants. We’re getting there. Remember all those new players we talked about coming into the National Football League? Most of them are on the younger side, probably in their early 20s. Great. Good for them. But there also happen to be a cadre of older players that have stuck around through the years. Of course, old is a relative term. We’re talking about guys like Drew Brees (41 years old) or Tom Brady (43 years old). These two quarterbacks aren’t showing any signs that they’re struggling to keep up with the youngsters on the field . . . which brings us to our next prediction: while some players may be 20 years older than many of their opponents, these guys aren’t giving up without a fight and so we predict the Superbowl LV, which will be played on Feb. 7, 2021, will see some of the oldest players in the league on the lineup. Yes, we realize that 41 and 43 years old is not actually old. But like we said, it’s all relative. INTERESTING WEATHER This year has shown us that weather can be as unpredictable as ever, regardless of the other drama occurring around the world. Last year, we had the Bomb Cyclone that took out fences, stranded cars and shut down the majority of El Paso County for a day or two. This year, we’ve seen snow in early September with temperatures that soared to the 80s just a little while later. So, while it may not be the most inventive or creative prediction, we feel fairly certain that our next prediction will come true: we predict that Colorado, nee, the world will see some interesting weather in 2021. See what we did there? We took the fact that weather in general is unpredictable and we predicted that it would stay predictably unpredictable. Genius! BRANCHING OUT TO NEW FOODS Considering how 2020 turned out, we think there might be more than a few people who try to old “eat black eyed peas on New Years’ Day for good luck” tradition in 2021. And for those people who have never tried black eyed peas, kudos! We think it’s awesome for people to branch out and try new foods and in fact, that’s actually our next prediction: we predict that more people are going to be trying new foods that they haven’t ever tried before. Why? Well, more and more places are looking to services like DoorDash, GrubHub and Uber Eats to get their meals. Who wouldn’t want to take a leap of faith and try out something new once in a while? We think more places, like smaller mom and pop places, are going to jump on the bandwagon in 2021 and start offering up their delicious selections to the masses via delivery apps. If . . . no when that starts happening, we hope you dear readers will support those businesses and help them stay afloat during times when they may not be able to serve their customers in the way they normally would. DYI? HOW ABOUT DY-DON’T More than ever, people have started looking for hobbies to entertain themselves and we don’t think anything is going to change going into 2021. People are going to keep putting shiplap on every spare surface in their houses and trying to teach themselves to knit or crochet from YouTube videos. So what does that mean for our 2021 predictions? Well, we predict that more and more people are going to be trying (and failing) to do new DYI projects than ever before. Cold winter months often bring out the desire to hunker down and do something inside but once the cold drifts away and the warm weather sets in, people typically like to get outside and do things. Well, we think that will be the case but with more DYI-type projects rather. Not only are many people working to pinch pennies but more people are realizing that they can do things on their own and it’s kind of an awesome thing to see. Growing their own food, building their own sheds, in general being more self-sufficient. We think that trend will keep going into the New Year. Here’s the thing, though. This prediction has a second part: we also predict there will be an uptick in the amount of people who have to visit urgent care or the emergency room for DYI-related accidents in 2021. Here’s why: just because someone on YouTube or HGTV says you can do it doesn’t mean you actually have the talent to do it, especially safely. No, we aren’t hoping for people to get hurt as they try to build those shelves they always wanted to put along either side of their fireplace. But we also realize that people can bite off more than they can chew and that can get them into trouble. To be honest, this would be an awesome prediction to not have come true . . . it’s all up to you, readers. Prove us wrong! |
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