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Issue 950 - January 2021
SOMETHING FISHY IS GOING ON... AQUARIUMS! By Lindsey Harrison 
“A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.”
– Oliver Gaspirtz, American-German cartoonist Once upon a time, a little girl used to wish she were a mermaid. She would sit on top of the swing set in her backyard and put her ankles together in just such a way that, in her shadow, it looked like she had a mermaid fin. As she grew older, she realized she could never really be a mermaid and it was basically devastating. But one day, she heard there were places that had mermaids! And these places were called “aquariums.” Not like the one her dad had in the basement that was home to a massive Oscar fish who would hit the lid of the tank when it was hungry until it accidentally hit the lid a bit too hard and flopped out onto the floor and died. But that’s neither here nor there. No, these aquariums were the big kind that housed whales and dolphins and sharks and some of them did, in fact, have mermaids. Of course, they weren’t real mermaids, but people pretending to be mermaids. Can you imagine how much that little girl wished she could grow up to be one of those people? But while she did eventually grow up, as little girls do, she never got to be a mermaid in an aquarium. She did end up swimming competitively for eight years, including for The Colorado College swim team while she earned her undergraduate degree. And while her dream of becoming a mermaid wasn’t meant to be, there are still people out there, pretending to be mermaids at various aquariums around the world. Which brings us to the point of that story . . . aquariums are cool and there are lots of them all over this little rock we like to call Earth. It’s a little more difficult right now to travel to these aquariums so we at Snippetz thought it might be nice to bring them to you, our beloved readers. So, with that in mind, kick back, put your feet up, cross your ankles and make a mermaid tail while you read about these amazing aquariums! Editor's Note: Lindsey, we have added a mermaid to the scene above, just for you! OKINAWA CHURAUMI AQUARIUM Our first stop takes us to the Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium, located in Tokyo. Just kidding. It’s in Okinawa, like the name says. This aquarium is a literal record-breaker. It holds the world record for raising manta rays in captivity. In addition to those manta rays, the aquarium houses about 740 species of marine life, including the world’s first whale sharks to be bred and raised in captivity. The massive aquarium is continuously supplied with fresh seawater to provide the most natural environment for the creatures in each exhibit. The Coral Sea tank, which doesn’t have a roof so the natural sunlight gives you a glimpse of what the coral would look like in its natural habitat, houses an expanse of coral that has been cultivated for more than 10 years. The aquarium also boasts a deep sea exhibit, where it shows off creatures that live between 600 ft and 2,100 ft below the surface of the ocean. Considering how hard it would be to get to that depth, this sounds like an awesome opportunity to see some nifty marine life that would otherwise be unreachable. GEORGIA AQUARIUM If you’re looking to while away your afternoon but can’t get down to the Georgia Aquarium, try logging onto their website and watching one of the live webcams. You can spy on the jellyfish, sea lions, piranha, beluga whales and the manta rays as they cruise serenely through their habitats. It’s mesmerizing to say the least. We will say, however, that the piranha are mildly boring unless they’re eating because they don’t swim much; they just hang as if suspended in animation. It’s a bit weird, honestly. If you’re lucky enough to explore the aquarium in person, you’ll be treated to the sight of the only whale shark in captivity outside of Asia as you make your way through the 100-foot long underwater tunnel. With more than 10 million gallons of water flowing throughout the aquarium, it’s not hard to believe it was the world’s largest aquarium until 2012. Feeling especially brave? You can also partake in the “Journey with Gentle Giants” dive experience! This is the only place in the world where you are literally guaranteed to be diving with manta rays and whale sharks, among other incredible sea creatures. Of course, you have to be Open Water SCUBA certified but one you’ve got that you’re all set (aside from paying the fee to participate). Seriously, where else is there a guarantee for anything, right? AQUADOM Guys, this thing is insane. Picture this: a 75-foot elevator inside a massive 270,000ish-gallon tank inside a huge room. This thing is a cylindrical aquarium that you can ride right through so you’re complete surrounded by about 50 different species of fish! It is the largest aquarium of its kind and we think it would definitely be an experience worth having! Sadly, COVID has limited access to the elevator portion of the Aquadom, but you can still visit it and gaze upon its majesty from the outside. That’s always assuming you can get to Berlin where this thing is located, naturally. SHANGHAI OCEAN AQUARIUM Officially the biggest aquarium in Asia, the Shanghai Ocean Aquarium in (you guessed it) Shanghai boasts eight exhibition areas aimed at providing a look into nearly all the sea species known to man. If you’re into the rare and unusual, this is the place to go. It houses creatures like the albino Agkistrodon perch and the frog Du Jian. We have no idea what those are aside from obviously a fish and a frog, but that’s about it. So, if you want to learn more about them, as well as travel through the roughly 504 feet of submarine tunnels (the longest in the world), this is the place to go! DOWNTOWN AQUARIUM Remember how we talked about those mermaids? Well, the place to find them is right here in Colorful Colorado! The Downtown Aquarium is located in Denver and it features Mystic Mermaid shows where mermaids (they’re just pretend, so relax, guys) perform in the “Under the Sea” exhibit, choreographed to music, while they teach about the importance of taking care of the environment. How cool is that? Aside from the mermaids, the aquarium boasts exhibits like “In the Desert” – which to us, sounds decidedly UN-aquarium but who are we to judge – “Shipwreck” and the “Sunken Temple.” This is proof that you don’t have to live near the ocean to experience it first-hand. But you do have to travel to Denver, likely using I-25 and that could be enough of a deterrent to keep most people away. SHEDD AQUARIUM Know anyone who likes the Chicago Bears? Well, if you do, they probably live in Chicago still which is great because that means you can go visit them and while you’re at it, you can swing by the Shedd Aquarium, located right in Chicago! However, if you know someone who likes the Bears and whose name rhymes with Shmorge Shmilkins, he doesn’t live in Chicago anymore . . . sorry. Anyway, there is still some pretty cool stuff to see at the Shedd Aquarium. Did you know that it was designed by a super well-known Chicago architectural firm? These guys included things like marine fossils in the limestone floors and other neoclassical Greek/Roman design features. Cool, right? It helps that the facility was originally constructed in 1929 and opened on May 30, 1930, which makes old but awesome. Don’t think it hasn’t been improved since then because it has . . . so there. If you’re into dolphins (and why wouldn’t you be), you can learn all about the dolphins that call the Shedd Aquarium home, including Kri, the oldest dolphin there. She’s about 35 years old and measures 6 ft 5 in. However, Katrl, another Shedd dolphin, comes in at a whopping 7 ft so there are some pretty sizable creatures to be found there! Considering more than 320,000 animals are housed there, it’s no surprise some of them come in on the large size. DUBAI AQUARIUM AND UNDERWATER ZOO Have you ever seen a suspended aquarium tank? Neither have we. Apparently, the Dubai Aquarium features one of the largest suspended aquariums tanks in the world. The tank has a walk-through tunnel so you can check out any of the 300 or so sharks and rays cruising through. Additionally, you can even go on an underwater cage diving experience with the sharks, should you feel brave enough (which, to be honest, we just don’t). It’s probably good this place is in Dubai because we have a feeling a certain small person related to this writer would ask to have that be her birthday present and then we’d get roped into doing something we are deathly afraid of, all in the name of making said small person happy. It’s a vicious cycle, really. Issue 951 - February 2021
WAR OF THE PIZZAS: CHICAGO VERSUS NEW YORK By Lindsey Harrison 
“You better cut the pizza into four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
– Yogi Berra, American baseball player Picture this: it’s Friday night. You’ve just gotten home from a long day at the office. You know you should be gathering the strength to make that meatloaf you had planned for dinner tonight but you just CANNOT bring yourself to pull the ground beef out of the fridge. It’s just so darn much work. First you have to take it out of the fridge, then you have to unwrap it, then you have to, like, make the meatloaf. See? We can’t even be bothered to list the steps right now because just the thought of all the effort is overwhelmingly exhausting. So, what is one to do in an instance such as this? Why, order a pizza! Of course! Maybe you’re the old school type who keeps various menus in the junk drawer in your kitchen, in which case you dig through there for the pizza menu and dial them up. If you’re a bit more tech-savvy, you probably pull up your favorite pizza place’s website and away you go to place an order! But wait . . . what should you order? Yes, pizza, we know that. But what kind? It’s the age-old debate between families across the globe. If you’ve got kids, chances are you have taken the liberty of choosing for them because you’ll never get them to agree on one kind. If not, you and your spouse might spend the next 15 minutes going over crust thickness, sauce amount, toppings, etc. Who knew ordering pizza could be such a struggle? Pizza can certainly be an individual preference and when trying to accommodate multiple people, massive doughy pies covered in sauce and cheese may not be the way to go. But we haven’t even touched the biggest pizza debate of all: New York style or Chicago style? You pizza rookies out there may not even know what the difference is and that’s completely fine except it’s not. You need to know. And really, that’s why you’ve picked up this copy of Snippetz, isn’t it? Secretly, you don’t actually know the difference and instead of looking like an idiot in front of your friends and family at the next big gathering, you figured you’d educate yourself while you still have the chance. And to that we say, you’re welcome. We at Snippetz have taken on the Herculean task of settling the saucy debate about which is better: New York or Chicago style pizza. We’ll give you a hint: it’s not Chicago style. Kidding. Or are we? This might be one debate you have to settle for yourself! FIRST THINGS FIRST . . . It’s become painfully clear that, first and foremost, we need to clarify the difference between the two types of pizzas with which we are concerned at this particular moment in time. So here we go:
HISTORY LESSON Now that you actually know what we’re talking about, let’s dig a little deeper into the history of these two pizza styles. We’re starting with New York this time just so it doesn’t look like we’re playing favorites . . . and here’s what we know: New York style pizza is traditionally cooked in a coal-fire oven although most places don’t do it that way anymore. Its roots can be traced back to Manhattan (New York, not Kansas), more specifically the Little Italy neighborhood, where a quaint little pizzeria called Lombardi’s opening its doors in 1905. Back then, a slice of the iconic wide, thin crust pizza cost $.05. We literally can’t think of a single thing that costs $.05 in today’s world, except the glass bottle deposit fee stores in Maine charge when you purchase a bottled drink. And now, we head west to Chicago, Illinois to see what Chicago style has to offer: the name of the game is Uno, as in Pizzeria Uno. That happens to be the first place to offer a new-fangled style of pizza that was thicker, crunchier and had inverted layers of lots and lots of toppings. Started in 1943 on the city’s Near North Side, Pizzeria Uno sought to Americanize a traditionally Italian dish and boy did it ever! If there’s one thing Americans know, it’s bigger is (usually) better. Granted, the inventors weren’t themselves originally from America but as we’ve said before, basically no one really is. But we digress . . . the result of the endeavor was to go down in history as a pizza unlike any other ever seen before. AND THE WINNER IS . . . Here’s the thing: it’s nearly impossible to pick a winner. No, we’re not being wishy-washy or hanging on the fence about making a decision. The problem is that, sometimes you want a nice, thin slice of easy-to-eat pizza on your way to a movie with friends and other times, you want to sit down and dig into a hearty meal with family while you enjoy the time you get to spend together without having to worry about doing dishes later. How could we possibly choose between the two? The truth is, we just can’t. But we have a sneaking suspicion someone out there is going to demand that we pick a side so here’s the consensus: it’s a split decision! Our illustrious Snippetz owner, George Wilkins, votes for Chicago style with absolutely zero hesitation. In fact, he would probably have the following quote from actor Nick Offerman tattooed on his arm if he were the tattoo-wearing type: “If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.” This newly-initiated New Englander and former Colorado resident unequivocally votes for New York style. Why? There’s something about folding a nice, thin slice and chowing down on it while you stand over the sink at 3 in the morning when you’ve been up all night writing that just can’t be matched. Not that this writer has ever done that. It just feels more like pizza when you don’t have to use a knife and a fork, you know? And there’s definitely something to be said for the thin layer of grease that’s present on top of the pizza more often than not . . . it just goes down easier. So, as you can see, the age-old debate will never really be settled. Some of us will be right in our conviction that New York style is the way to go and the rest of you will be George Wilkins. Kidding. Chicago style is absolutely amazing and we have literally nothing bad to say about it, especially not if it means our illustrious Snippetz owner will decide not to let this humble writer do any more articles for him. There you have it . . . it’s a draw. There is no tie breaker, there is no overtime and there definitely is no sudden death. It’s just . . . even Stephen (King. See what I did there?). Now, we completely understand that some of you may be of the pineapple on pizza variety and that’s fine. To be honest, some of us are, too. But let’s not get too crazy. When you start adding things like taco meat and barbecue chicken, we have to draw the line. If God intended for barbecue chicken to go on pizza, He would’ve thought of it waaaaay back when pizza first peeked its little head out of the pizza oven back in Italy and took its first breath as a decidedly incomparable and totally-worth-all-the-heartburn staple of (future) American cuisine. Issue 952 - March 2021
GET OUT! SNIPPETZ SAYS IT’S TIME TO END YOUR WINTER HIBERNATION By Lindsey Harrison “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. I firmly believe that nature brings solace to all troubles.” – Anne Frank, German diarist Hello, Colorado! It’s that time of year again when we’re all itching to get outside and do something other than staring at each other inside the four walls of our homes. Granted, our homes are warm and with that snap of sub-zero temperatures in February, we didn’t have much choice. But we all know what it’s like to be cooped up too long and it’s about this time every year that most people start feeling the need to get out of Dodge – i.e. their houses, not the actual city of Dodge – and find something to awaken their senses to the world around them once again. Now, we all know the problem with March in Colorado: it’s March and it’s Colorado, enough said. But for those of you who haven’t lived here for at least a couple years, the month of March is notoriously unpredictable. Remember 2019 when we had a bomb cyclone? One day it was kinda cloudy and the next, cars were stranded all over the place and fences were blown to kingdom come. It just so happens that this writer was headed to San Diego as the last flight out of Denver International Airport with her son for a much-anticipated vacation the day the bomb cyclone hit so her husband and daughter got to feel the full brunt of the storm while this writer and her son got to enjoy the warmth of southern California . . . for about 15 minutes. Turns out, this writer’s son came down with Type A flu and from the minute they stepped through the door of their hotel, he was basically down for the count, taking any hopes of a sunny week spent on the beach with him. But that’s neither here nor there because this is 2021 and really anything could happen this time around! You may still be wondering what our gorgeous state has to offer and that’s where we come in: Snippetz is here once again to save the day and help you discover a few interesting ideas to get out of the house (when possible) and beat back those wintertime blues in preparation of a beautiful spring and summer to come! We don’t want to call ourselves heroes necessarily, but you are more than welcome to. PUEBLO RIVERWALK About 60 minutes south of Colorado Springs on I-25 is the lovely town of Pueblo. And in that town is a lovely Riverwalk that is a perfect option for someone looking to do a bit of moving around without the strenuous nature of a full-on mountain hike. While the Arkansas River may have some ice on it and the boats won’t be taking passengers around at this time of year, it’s still a beautiful place to go and it’s always nice to get out of town for a bit (especially when it’s in the opposite direction of all the GAP construction in the interstate). Along the paved walkway, you’ll find 54 pieces of artwork to enjoy, which makes the walk even more interesting. What better way to spend a potentially chilly (but manageable) day in March than strolling along a river and checking out some artwork? Perhaps artwork isn’t your cup of tea . . . well, there are a lot of shops and restaurants along the Riverwalk, including Brues Alehouse which offers (you guessed it) ale! We can definitely get behind the idea of a stroll along the river and then a nice pint in a warm brewhouse. And there’s the Veterans’ Bridge super close by so you can take a second to honor the men and women who have served this great nation of ours before packing it in and heading home for the day. Granted, as the temperatures warm, there is much more to do but the Riverwalk is a gorgeous sight to see anytime of year so why not take advantage of a time when there’s probably fewer people there (meaning less crowds to fight with)? FOUNTAIN CREEK REGIONAL PARK Perhaps a drive down to Pueblo isn’t in the cards but you’re still hoping to find something to do out in nature. Look no further than the Fountain Creek Regional Park and the Fountain Creek Nature Center. Located between Colorado Springs and Fountain, the park itself is 460 linear acres along Fountain Creek. This writer has more than a few fond memories of walking the low-impact hiking path with her mom and various extended family members on warmer days in March, on the hunt for interesting wildlife and eager for a bit of sun on our faces. As with the Riverwalk, this outdoor option is a great way to enjoy some time outside without fighting the crowds since there’s plenty of space for everyone to spread out. Situated about halfway along the regional park’s gravel path is the Fountain Creek Nature Center. It’s the perfect place to pop in to warm up (and use the restroom) and to learn more about the surrounding wetlands and ecology. The El Paso County website lists the center as being open from Tuesday through Saturday from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., plenty of time to wander to your heart’s desire. GARDEN OF THE GODS This probably seems like a no-brainer, an obvious option for getting out and enjoying the scenery in our area of southern Colorado. But the interesting thing about the Garden of the Gods is that there’s so much more to enjoy than you first realize when you drive through the park. Sure, the rocks are breathtaking but there are various activities that you may not even realize you can participate in that take place there. For instance, did you know you can ride a horse through the park? No, you don’t need to bring your own horse (for all we know, the park employees wouldn’t let you anyway). There is a nearby stable – Academy Riding Stable – that leads tours through the park. If you’ve never seen Garden of the Gods via horseback, you’re missing out and probably should do something about that STAT. Interestingly enough, horseback isn’t the only unusual way to see the park, either. Sure you can walk, bike, drive, probably rollerblade if that floats your boat. But you can also book a Segway tour! Imagine how cool you’d feel cruising through the Garden of the Gods in a Segway. We’re pretty sure it’s one of the best ways to be outside but also not super active to the point where you’re wheezing because you’re out of shape from sitting inside all winter. Naturally, the weather is going to determine when these tours are available because Segways are machines and not exactly built for cruising on the ice and snow, so we definitely recommend you call one of the various tour groups offering these adventure packages and talk with them about any restrictions. GLEN EYRIE CASTLE Speaking of Garden of the Gods, have you ever taken a second to consider that there is a literal castle just north of the park? It’s true. It’s called Glen Eyrie Castle and it’s beautiful and a perfect option for being out and about without running into 4,934 people (give or take a few). Of course, the grounds are amazing to wander but you can also take a tour of the castle itself which is pretty freaking cool. Also, if you’re in the mood for something a little less active and a little more low-key, you can always plan a day to enjoy some tea in the castle’s Great Hall. And as of March 3, the castle’s Music Room is available for tea drinkers to enjoy as well. What could be better than wandering around the castle grounds or even the Garden of the Gods for an hour or so and then heading to the Glen Eyrie Castle for tea? Obviously, if it were coffee, we’d be even more inclined to make this a frequent activity, but tea is yummy, too. Just don’t forget to reserve your spot! THE BROADMOOR SEVEN FALLS Located near the Broadmoor Hotel (as the name suggests), the Broadmoor Seven Falls is another incredible spot to get out and enjoy some of the fresh Colorado air. Sadly, we’ve already passed the height of the holiday season when the Broadmoor Seven Falls can be enjoyed alighted with various festive colors, but the impressive trek to the top of the falls is still worth the effort. However, you can also spend time on the nearby hiking trails if climbing the 224 steps to the top of the falls isn’t your cup of Glen Eyrie tea (see what we did there?). Of course, there’s an elevator that takes you to the Eagles’ Nest viewing platform which may be a better option for those days when the Colorado sun hasn’t melted away the snow and ice from the previous storm. Either way, you’re going to be in for a treat so get ready! Issue 953 - April 2021
SNIPPETZ SAYS, HOORAY FOR HIPPOS! By Lindsey Harrison 
Sitting in a poorly heated “three season” room in Bangor, Maine, in the middle of March, it’s hard to imagine what life in rural Africa must be like. More specifically, what life would be like if you had the chance to randomly cross paths with a lion or giraffe, perhaps. At least, that’s what this writer thinks about. Why would anyone randomly start thinking about that, you might be asking yourself. Well, the reason is because this is Snippetz and we like to think about weird things. If we didn’t, you wouldn’t have incredibly funny, smart and well-written articles to read each month so you should consider yourself lucky. Anyway, back to animals in Africa. Can you imagine living in a place where, on your way to get water, you stumble upon a zebra or an antelope? And yes, we do mean antelope because antelope are the animals found on the African continent ONLY, not the pronghorn that we have here in the United States in general and Colorado in particular. Anyway, the point of this rambling introduction is to point out how wonderfully different the creatures around us are compared to those in Africa. On the daily, not one single person in Bangor, Maine, or Monument, Colorado, stands the chance of accidentally being eaten by a lion on the way to work. We are all very lucky not to have to worry about that, but in another way, we’re also sadly lacking a respect and appreciation for the animal kingdom because that is literally the last thing on any of our minds and it’s probably only on your mind now because we brought it up. And of all the African animals one could encounter, probably the most underestimated is the hippopotamus. So, perhaps spending some time learning more about the hippo would help us all gain some perspective right? We think so!
THE DARN HIPPO! If you had to take one guess at what the deadliest animal in Africa is (at least to humans, anyway), what would you guess? Probably lion or maybe even cheetah. A long shot might be a rhinoceros but it’s likely not going to be a hippopotamus. Unless you know your African animal trivia, in which case, congratulations . . . now sit down and be quiet. It actually is the hippo, which is surprising not only because no one looks at a hippo and thinks, “Ooooh, that fat blob is going to mess me up if I get too close.” They’re also a bit less than inconspicuous. But only when they’re on land. That’s where things get a bit tricky, friends, because hippos generally don’t strike fear into the hearts of many as they waddle through the reeds and grasses near their favorite river or water source. And it certainly doesn’t help that they’re entirely vegetarian. But they are so much more dangerous than anyone gives them credit for and perhaps that’s part of it. These animals, with their ability to remain underwater for up to 5 minutes at a time, spend about 16 hours a day submerged and as such, we kind of forget they are there. Now picture this: you’ve decided to go on your first safari and as part of said safari, you get to take a canoe (or whatever they use in Africa) down a river to sight-see. Awesome! Until you whack a submerged hippo in the head with an oar and then it’s game over, folks. It’s not just humans they take down, either. Hippos have certain methods of disposing of other troublesome creatures. For example, they have been known to bite crocodiles completely in half when defending themselves or their young. And lions? No biggie. Hippos just drag them into the water and drown them. What about an animal that can’t be drowned, like a shark? Well, in that case, the hippo will likely choose to drag it onto land and stomp it to death. Considering they’re about as intimidating as a sack of potatoes, that’s pretty impressive. That’s just one of the incredible things about these mammals. Did you know that they also sweat an oily red substance that helps them keep from drying out? For a looong time, people thought hippos sweated blood because of this. Don’t worry, though. It’s not blood, so that creepy image can be tossed right in the garbage. Also, their skin is about 1.5 inches thick. Can you imagine walking around with 25 percent of your total body weight being purely skin? Crazy! HOUSE HIPPOS Here are a few other interesting “snippetz” about hippos: did you know there’s actually a trend that’s been going around lately about finding a “house hippo” while out thrifting or shopping at antique stores? If we’re to believe the alleged urban legend, house hippos are supposed to bring your house luck, or some other such nonsense. In actuality, the house hippo was the fictional subject of a Canadian ad campaign from the 1990s that sought to teach children not to believe everything they see on television. The ad talked about how house hippos are shy little creatures, no bigger than the typical hamster, that come out at night to eat any errant crumbs off the floor left behind by messy children. Apparently, they are said to love peanut butter on toast and can occasionally be persuaded to make a covert appearance at the breakfast table if there’s a chance they can get some crumbs. These house hippos supposedly make their homes in your bedroom closet using any bit of cozy material they happen to find, like a lost sock or maybe some dryer lint. They allegedly sleep up to 16 hours per day and rather enjoy the occasional dip in your pet’s water bowl. Also, if your cat or dog tends to get up to no good at night, it might be due to a provocative house hippo instigating a confrontation. Or so the story goes. To be fair, as an American who has never actually seen the ad, this writer actively sought out a house hippo at the infamous I-A Relics antique store in Ellsworth, Maine, and was successful in that endeavor. Also, she doesn’t regret it for a single second. Additionally, if house hippos did actually exist in real life, is it OK for this writer to admit she’d love to have one take up residence in her house and clean up after her messy children? Because she definitely would and there’s also a chance she’d pay really good money to have more than one, just to make the job easier on everyone involved. HIPPOS IN TUTUS?? Remember that Disney movie “Fantasia” and how there was that scene with the hippos dancing in tutus? Good, keep that in mind. Now, allow us to regale you with a story. The date? Mid-to-late 1980s. The place? Colorado Springs. A young girl who fancies herself as the next prima ballerina has a recital coming up at a local high school in which she is to portray a baby doll. She and her fellow ballerina wannabes practice long and hard for the recital, perfecting their bows and their tip-toe walks. But what’s this? There is no one to dance the part of the hippo in a pink tutu for the recital, you say? No! Disaster! Whatever shall they do? Enter the real superhero of the story: that aspiring prima ballerina’s brave father. He swallows his pride and offers to dance the part. So, they practice and the brave father gears himself up for a brief (possibly humiliating but heroic nonetheless) performance at the recital. Fast forward to the night of the recital and there’s the brave father (whose name happens to rhyme with Shmarry Shmellmann, in case you were curious), just waiting for his chance to get out on stage and wow the audience. Look! It’s his turn now! See how he dances along on his tippy-toes, light as a feather and graceful in his “I’m getting ready to take off like an airplane” dance moves? And what’s this? A perfect pirouette! Beautiful! He can probably be done now; it’s clear he’s stolen the show but he’s probably tired, too. Oh, wait. He has to keep going because music is still going? Well, alright then. See how he glides across the floor and pretends to know what he’s doing? Amazing! Ok, the music seems to be stopping. The brave father can finally rest now that he has literally stolen the show. But wait, there’s more! The audience can’t seem to get enough of him! They are throwing roses and bouquets of flowers on the stage for him and he (of course) must blow kisses to acknowledge his beloved crowd. Watch as his jealous daughter wishes she had such adoring fans! See how she still remembers this scenario 33 years later and can’t smell a fresh rose without the memory of this night rearing its ugly (yet surprisingly beautiful) head? Perhaps this event was the catalyst the allegedly “false” memory of said brave father holding said aspiring prima ballerina up to the edge of the barrier at the indoor hippo exhibit at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo when said aspiring prima ballerina was just a wee lass and having the hippo open its massive jaws like it was getting a tasty treat and scaring the bejesus out of her. Who knows, really? Issue 954 - May 2021
HEALTHY EATING: “LIVE LONG AND PROPER” By Lindsey Harrison “The science of being healthy is well-known. It is not esoteric. There are no magic bullets. If you want to live a long life, we’ve known the answers for more than a hundred years. It’s a wide-ranging diet with as much fruit and veg can stuff into yourself, and plenty of exercise. It doesn’t even matter what kind of exercise.” – Alice Roberts, English scientist After the past year, many people (this writer included) have struggled to stay on the straight and narrow when it comes to a healthy lifestyle. Sure, it’s easier to microwave a sausage, egg and cheese croissant and chug a Pepsi first thing in the morning than it is to take the time to prepare a nutritious well-rounded meal. But somehow, we always tell ourselves that we’re too busy to take the time to be healthy. We don’t have time to prepare a healthy dinner, packed with veggies, fruit and lean protein. We don’t have time to eat anything other than a combo meal from the closest fast-food restaurant during our lunch break at work. And yes, we know, it’s easier to pull out your phone, fire up the DoorDash app and order some sweet and sour pork from the local Chinese restaurant. The bottom line is this: either you take the time to be good to your body now – including eating right, getting enough sleep and exercising regularly – or your body is going to revolt, your skeleton will jump out of your skin and run off, leaving you a quivering mass of tissue lying on the floor. OK, maybe that last bit won’t happen. But what will happen is that you will pay the price for the years of passivity and ambivalence you’ve shown your health. How do we know? Let’s just say that we just know. So, what the heck do we do about that? Do we just start eating all the healthy things in sight and call it a day? Well, that’s sort of a good place to start. If the goal is to be healthier and live a longer life, there’s more than just eating healthy involved. But don’t worry, dear reader. We have some tips for you to help you get on the path to a long, healthy life! After all, what kind of magazine would we be if we didn’t offer some help? We certainly wouldn’t be the magazine one reader dubbed the “Single best publication in the history of publications.” Who said that you ask? None of your business. Just know someone said it about Snippetz and they meant it. So, you should probably keep reading. IS THERE A PILL THAT CAN HELP EXTEND YOUR LIFE?? Here’s the thing: we’d all love to know that eating well and living a healthy life isn’t the only way we can live longer. We literally can’t think of a single person who wouldn’t be interested in taking one pill (or maybe two) each day and ultimately reversing the aging process. Imagine no more wrinkles, no more grey hair and in the end, maybe no more aging. Pretty cool to consider, right? But it also sounds kinda sci-fi, too. Like, is it reasonable to think that a pill could halt or even reverse the aging process? Maybe . . . but maybe not. David Sinclair, an Australian biologist, happens to think he’s found the secret to doing just that: stopping the aging process and turning back the hands of time. In his mind, it’s completely feasible (and even reasonable) to consider living to 150 years old. And if we’re to believe the results of the experiments he’s conducted in his lab, he just might have. Sinclair places his beliefs essentially harnessing certain molecules already found in nature that boost the mitochondria in our cells. There’s a lot of science-y stuff in the multiple articles you can find about him online but the bottom line to his claims is that it’s possible to tap into certain properties of things nature has already provided for us to live longer. Of course, Sinclair’s claims aren’t without their fair share of skeptics. Is it a coincidence that he happens to be an investor in the companies that back the research he claims is proof that these miracle substances actually work? Probably not. But that doesn’t his findings are just a pipedream. In fact, there’s something to be said for some of the ways Sinclair claims he can activate certain proteins that help provide the important anti-aging substances. For instance, he swears by intermittent fasting, which is the idea that eating in a cycle of periods of fasting (not eating) and eating healthy, properly portioned foods. And no, we don’t mean just eating at breakfast, lunch and dinner and considering the times in between as fasting. We’re talking about literally eating nothing for an extended period of time, 16-20 hours or so, then eating during the “off” hours only. Again, that doesn’t mean you eat for the entire 4-8 hours you’re actually allowed to eat. It just means you ONLY eat during those times. But does it work? Some people, like Sinclair, would shout a resounding “YES!” Others don’t want to spend 20 hours a day being miserably hungry. But the proponents of the system will tell you, those hours aren’t miserable . . . ultimately, they say they’re worth it. NATURAL FOOD ISN’T NECESSARILY ORGANIC FOOD Whether or not you agree with Sinclair’s claims is not the point of this article, however. The point is to show that there are many ways to live a longer, healthier life, some of which are admittedly controversial while others are tried and true . . . but only if you really understand what you’re doing. The dictionary defines “organic” as “relating to or derived from living matter.” With that in mind, cruising through the grocery store and seeing labels on certain fruits and vegetables indicating that they are “organic” may be a bit confusing. Aren’t all fruits and vegetables ultimately organic, being related to or derived from living matter? In the most literal sense, yes. But in the consumer-driven grocery store sense, no. And that’s part of the problem: organic food is not the same as non-organic food. So, why does it matter? Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t. According to the Mayo Clinic’s website, organic farming practices “enhance soil and water quality; reduce pollution; provide safe, healthy livestock habitats; enable natural livestock behavior; and promote a self-sustaining cycle of resources on a farm.” The website states organic farming practices explicitly prohibit the following: “synthetic fertilizers to add nutrients to the soil; sewage sludge as fertilizer; most synthetic pesticides for pest control; irradiation to preserve food or to eliminate disease or pests; genetic engineering, used to improve disease or pest resistance or to improve crop yields; and antibiotics or growth hormones for livestock.” With that in mind, the same website lists potential benefits of eating organic foods, including small to moderate increases in some nutrients like flavonoids that have antioxidant properties. Of course, there are other potential benefits as well, but we think you get the idea. EXERCISE, DUH As much as many of us would like to think that exercising isn’t necessary to being healthy, we all know that’s not the case. Being a couch potato is fun but it’s just not healthy. Being sedentary increases all causes of mortality (except maybe the risk of being in a fatal car accident because you can’t die in a car accident if you never leave your couch to go anywhere). Anyway, a sedentary lifestyle can ultimately double your risk of developing a cardiovascular disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and other life-threatening conditions. No, we’re not saying you have to go out and train for a marathon in order to live a longer life. But we ARE saying that sitting on the couch eating chocolate-covered bacon strips isn’t likely to extend your natural lifespan. So, what does all that mean? What’s the POINT? The point, dear readers, is that there are multiple things you can do to live a longer, healthier life and it takes a bit of common sense, mixed with an inquiring mind that just wants to know, to find the secret! And maybe it’s not such a secret after all because we’ve quite literally described what you can do TODAY, right now, to start on the path to health. For that, we just know you’re eternally grateful. Don’t worry, we won’t make you say it out loud. Knowing that we’ve potentially saved your life is thanks enough! Issue 955 - June 2021
BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID: PHOBIAS By Lindsey Harrison 
“Find out what you’re afraid of and go live there.”
– Chuck Palahniuk, American novelist We’re all afraid of something. If we weren’t afraid of completely ostracizing our wonderful readers, we’d leave it at that because that statement speaks volumes about humanity in general. It points to how we’re all similar, but it also highlights how vulnerable we are. Much of the time, those fears have been ingrained into our weird human brains to keep us safe. For example, being afraid of heights serves to protect the average person from stepping too close to the edge of, say, a steep cliff that could potentially have loose rocks underfoot waiting to dislodge and send them plummeting to their death. Clearly, that fear makes sense. But there are other fears that are less than sensical. We submit for your consideration, the color yellow. Yes, just yellow the color, plain and simple. Now, we know there are things in the natural world that are yellow that pose a threat to humans. Being afraid of those things, like bees or hornets for instance, can be a good thing. Bees and hornets can sting you (duh) and that can not only be painful, but for some people, it can prove fatal. And so, we use that bright yellow color as a warning to stay away from those little buggers. But what happens when that fear becomes more about the appearance of the insect (in this example) than the insect itself? Enter: xanthophobia, or in layman’s terms, fear of the color yellow. Can you imagine spending your days with an intense fear of anything and everything yellow?? For those poor souls who are xanthophobic, common symptoms of their affliction include sweating, nausea, irregular heartbeat and shortness of breath. That’s not to mention the outright terror that can be felt at the sight of the dreaded color. The simple fact that this phobia exists serves to show how strange the human brain is and how absolutely inexplicable phobias can be. And if you know anything about us at Snippetz, then you know that the inexplicable is what we’re drawn to. So, here’s what’s what: we are going to take a look at the most common phobias out there. If you happen to have one of them, we are truly sorry. If not, consider yourself lucky! Either way, read on because there’s lots of interesting stuff to learn . . . you won’t regret it. WHAT THE WHAT? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, phobias affected about 10 percent of the adult population of the United States. While some appear early on in childhood, others emerge as a person ages. Interestingly enough, women as twice as likely to suffer from a phobia than men are. We not even going to try to analyze why that is, but suffice it to say, for those suffering from a phobia, the experience is anything but pleasant and rarely does it make sense. FEAR OF CLOWNS OK, if you’ve been reading this future award-winning magazine for any length of time, you know that this writer is no longer a Colorado resident. You may recall an article that described how she and her family packed up and moved across the country (in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, how’s that for timing?) and landed in a nice 130-year-old home in Bangor, Maine. Why do we bring that up now? Well, it turns out, Bangor happens to be the city where the author of a little book – perhaps it sounds familiar to you – called It lives . . . or at the very least, owns a very nice home. Bangor also happens to be the home of an interesting business venture called “SK Tours.” In case you’re unsure what the “SK” stands for in “SK Tours,” allow us to enlighten you. It stands for Stephen King, a.k.a. the author of It. Again, you’re probably wondering what in the world that has to do with the fear of clowns. Well, let’s say you wanted to take a nice afternoon walk from this writer’s house to the very interesting and beautiful Thomas Hill Standpipe. Good idea! Unless you’re coulrophobic or have a fear of clowns because “SK Tours” is based out of two different homes located on the only roads into and out of the area of the Standpipe. No biggie, right? Wrong. “SK Tours” happens to have two very prominent 15-passenger vans parked outside both of their locations and displayed in a manner that is literally impossible to ignore are images of Pennywise the Dancing Clown from both the original It movie and the newest rendition. So, if you thought your walk up to the Standpipe was going to be relaxing, but you also happen to be coulrophobic, you would be dead wrong. And you’d probably not be too keen to maintain your heading on the walk. See? It may have taken us a while to get to the point, but there it is! Being coulrophobic and living in Bangor, Maine, are not the ideal mixture for a serene, peaceful life. FEAR OF SPIDERS If you’re old enough to remember the movie Arachnophobia, then you sure are old! Just kidding (sort of). Anyway, Arachnophobia played perfectly on the phobia after which it was named: the fear of spiders. Turns out, if the goal was to make a movie where people could almost literally feel their skin crawl, they nailed it with this one. Arachnophobia (the affliction, not the movie) is no joke and it became the one phobia an entire generation of kids could immediately identify, thanks to the movie. And probably also thanks to scenes from the movie like when the spiders start crawling up out of the bathtub drain. If you weren’t arachnophobic before watching the movie, we feel there is a darn good chance you were after you watched it! FEAR OF SNAKES Perhaps this is something more concerning for those who believe in the teachings of the Bible than those of other religions. No, that’s not meant to be a slam at any religion at all, but let’s not forget that the creature described as having convinced Eve to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge was a snake. So, if you grew up on the teachings of the Bible, it’s not entirely unlikely that you have the predisposition to fear all things slithery, otherwise known ophidiophobia. Of course, there’s always the possibility that it’s got nothing to do with the Bible and everything to do with the fact that some snakes are venomous and all snakes will be to defend themselves. So, when you take a bitey snake and add the venomous part to that, you get a snake that can kill you with one bite. That’s not good, in case that wasn’t clear. Perhaps a bit of ophidiophobia isn’t such a bad thing. FEAR OF FLYING More formally called aerophobia, the fear of flying is another incredibly common phobia, thought to inflict between 10 and 40 percent of all American adults. Yes, we’ve all heard that the likelihood of getting into a plane crash is significantly less than that of getting into a car crash . . . and yes, we all know that in general, most of us ride or drive in a car about a million times more frequently than we hop on a plane. However, that doesn’t appear to matter much because many people (obviously) are still afraid of flying, regardless of how well-versed they are in the statistics. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that humans in general, are not naturally equipped to fly. In general, if any human finds themselves in the wide-open air, it’s because we’re falling from something and have a decent chance of being mortally wounded. So, as you can see, being aerophobic isn’t the weirdest thing out there. FEAR OF BEING SOMEPLACE ALONE OR WHERE ESCAPE IS DIFFICULT This fear, known as agoraphobia, also sounds relatively logical until you consider the consequences of what agoraphobic people have to live with. It’s not just being unable to escape; it’s the fear of being caught out someplace, all alone with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. With that thought burned into their brains, people with this phobia often find themselves unable to go anywhere that might be crowded with people or, on the other hand, anywhere that is an open, exposed area. Agoraphobics frequently end up avoiding any chance of such experiences and some have such strong reactions to just the thought of those circumstances coming to pass that they rarely leave the perceived safety of their homes. It’s estimated that about 33 percent of people who have a panic disorder will develop agoraphobia and about 66 percent of them will be women. It’s an incredibly magical time to be alive, isn’t it folks? Now, don’t get us wrong. None of the things we’ve addressed in this article is meant to minimize the affliction of a phobia. But perhaps what you, dear reader, will take away from this article is an appreciation for the relative mental health you enjoy by not having to deal with one of these common phobias. Issue 956 - July 2021
CAN YOU FEEL THE BURN? HOW ABOUT THE ITCH? SNIPPETZ INVESTIGATES SUMMERTIME SKIN SAVERS! By Lindsey Harrison 
“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.”
– Alice Roosevelt Longworth, American author Ahhh, summer. Everyone is starting to shed their clothes – we mean that in the most G-rated way possible, so get your mind out of the gutter – and feel the warm sun on their skin. Some of us have sensitive skin that burns at the first hint of UVA/UVB rays and others of us can spend a day outside without the tiniest bit of sunburn. Life is unfair in that way. The sun isn’t skin’s only enemy during the summer. Thanks to the nice weather, people are also spending more time outside wandering through our beautiful state and enjoying all the spectacular sights Colorado has to offer. And that means, people are likely to be traipsing through areas that aren’t always designed for human foot traffic. Now, if you’re say, a deer or raccoon perhaps, you have a nice thick coat of fur keeping your delicate skin safe from any irritants lurking in the shrubs and bushes around you. And during the winter, we typically do, too, in the form of thick jackets and snow pants. But remember, this is summertime we’re talking about, so most of us not only have far fewer clothes on, we also find ourselves amongst bushes and trees that have all kinds of newly grown leaves that simply don’t exist in the winter in Colorado. In case you were wondering, naked skin + chemicals secreted by plants to keep them safe = the potential for some really nasty skin issues. As you can see, summertime is the perfect storm of bare skin and all things that want to attack and destroy it. What a great way to think about the summer, right? However, it would be terribly irresponsible of us not to warn you, dear readers, of the dangers the Colorado summer has in store for your skin. So, sit back, read on and learn a thing or two that might help you avoid some pretty uncomfortable days during the lazy, hazy days of summer! A CAUTIONARY TALE OF THE BROWN TAIL MOTH As you probably already know, this writer is no longer a resident of Colorful Colorado. Her family moved to Maine one year ago and since then, they have experienced all kinds of new and exciting things. One such new (but decidedly NOT exciting) thing is the infamous brown tail moth. Luckily, you Coloradans don’t have to deal with them and to be honest, this author never expected to have to go through what the brown tail has put her and her son through the past few weeks. Allow us to paint you a picture: a teeny, little caterpillar, all covered in spiky brown hairs, cruises through the trees and bushes of east-central Maine. Along the way, said caterpillar sheds those spiky hairs all over everything and some even take to the wind and fly miles and miles across the Maine landscape. Millions of poor, unsuspecting Mainers (and possibly a couple hundred tourists) somehow or another find themselves overrun with tiny, itchy bumps, similar to very small mosquito bites. The bumps eventually spread and many sufferers report rashes along their necks, arms and basically everywhere. There’s not much to be done but suffer through. Why would we bother telling you about this? Perhaps to help you realize how super awesome it is for you to live in Colorado and NOT Maine at this time of year. You’re welcome. Anyhoo . . . POISON IVY, POISON SUMAC AND POISON OAK Colorado certainly has its fair share of nasty things looking to wreak havoc on your skin. This may come as a surprise, but poison ivy, poison sumac and poison oak are all *gasp* poison and will leave you with an itchy, red rash that often forms blisters. Assuming you’re allergic to any of them. Luckily, some people aren’t and while the rest of us might consider them some sort of biological misfit, those same people are probably out there right now, rubbing the offending plants all over their bodies and bragging about how immune they are. Rude. Anyway, the substance these three plants produce is call urushiol and can be found on any part of the plant, not just the leaves, so don’t assume that you’re safe as long as you grab the stem. The reaction we mentioned above typically appears one to two days after exposure and can last up to 21 days. While it is uncomfortable to live with, the rash will clear up on its own. However, if it gets to be too much to handle, an oral antihistamine or topical cortisone cream may be used to relieve the worst of the symptoms. Of course, some quick thinking on your part may help limit the severity of your reaction, like washing the area with cool water as soon as possible after the suspected contact. Additionally, it’s wise to wash the clothing you were wearing at the time of exposure as quickly as possible to rinse away any lingering urushiol. In order to identify these plants, you’ve likely heard the simple rhyme: leaves of three, let it be. While this may be a bit vague, the goal is simple: stay away from things with three leaves because it may be one of the above plants and you’re better off not testing your luck. However, it may also be difficult to spot said plants as they often grown amongst other innocuous ones. So, when you’re out hiking in the Colorado wilderness (or even just through Palmer Park in Colorado Springs) it is wise to keep your eyes peeled. WOOD NETTLE AND STINGING NETTLE Even though this writer grew up in Colorado, the existence of the wood nettle and stinging nettle was very far down on her radar of plants to be wary of. However, they are certainly a force to be reckoned with, plant-wise that is. While both nettles technically “sting” when you come in contact with their irritating hairs, the “sting” from the wood nettle is typically described as much less intense than that of its sinister-sounding counterpart. The leaves of both versions are covered in tiny stinging hairs but the reaction from the wood nettle often subsides within about an hour and the reaction can be battled with a quick wash with soapy water. The stinging nettle’s effects are said to be sharp, accompanied by a burning sensation that can occasionally morph into a very nasty itch. These reactions can last for several hours and result in hives that stick around at the site of contact for up to an entire day. Now, doesn’t that just sound like the most fun you’ve ever had in your whole entire life?? HERE COMES THE SUN, DO DUN DO DO We would be terribly remiss if we didn’t address the obvious fact that the sun is definitely NOT your skin’s best friend. Sure, a nice “healthy” tan is often desired, especially among the throngs of people who are out trying to impress each other at the pools and parks around town. But those of us who have lived here long enough know that the Colorado sun is no joke! You’re probably thinking that you are well aware of that fact that UVA and UVB rays are dangerous but just in case you’ve never seen the sun, here’s the truth: ultraviolet A and ultraviolet B rays can cause skin damage, leading to early signs of aging and even skin cancer. Duh, right? But did you ever stop to consider the logistics behind a sunburn? Let us break it down for you: a sunburn is literally a burn from the radiation of the sun. When you’re at sea level, the sun is significantly less intense than it is in Colorado, where the average altitude is 6,800 feet. Here’s another way to think of it: a mile is 5,280 feet, right? So, consider that mile shooting up into the sky, then add another 1,600 feet to it and you’re about where Colorado sits in relation to the sun. But let’s pretend you’re planning a trip to say, the top of Mount Elbert (a.k.a. the highest point in Colorado). You are literally nearly two more miles CLOSER to the sun at that point . . . so yeah, the sun’s rays are naturally going to be more intense, meaning you will need to take extra precautions against burns at that altitude. Snippetz, why are you telling us all this, you may be asking. Well, we want your skin to stay young and vibrant, so we are arming you with the knowledge it may take to convince you to layer on that broad-spectrum sunscreen before heading out or perhaps to wear long sleeves and pants when you go hiking. We want to keep your skin happy and healthy so heed this advice and perhaps you’ll avoid these summertime irritants! Issue 957 - August 2021
SNIPPETZ OFFERS UP PLENTY OF THINGS TO CELEBRATE IN AUGUST! By Lindsey Harrison “Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.” – Henri Nouwen, Dutch clergyman Ahhh, summer. It’s definitely here, isn’t it? Sure, school will be back in session any minute but until then, young and old alike have a chance to enjoy the warm weather and longer days. Whether you’re the parent of a school-aged child (or children), a parent whose darling little ones have grown and flown the coop, or never had children at all, there’s something particularly challenging about August. If you’ve got kids going back to school soon, there’s a chance you’ve been counting down the days before you can finally pack them off to do something constructive with their time. It’s the lead up to something big – we’re talking about the excitement of starting a new school year, in case you were a bit lost. If your kids are older, perhaps August is rough because it brings back memories of preparing for something big, except now that something big isn’t happening in your house anymore. If you never had children, August might bring back memories of your own days getting ready for the new school year and how exciting (or dreadful) that was. In any case, it can sometimes feel like there’s just nothing happening in August worth celebrating. In that event, we submit for your consideration the following statement: August is awesome. There’s literally something to celebrate every single day of the month. Wanna know more? Of course you do. Keep reading and we’ll tell you all about the cool things you can celebrate to make August even more awesomer than it already is! NATIONAL FRIENDSHIP DAY – August 1 That’s right, folks! Gather all those wonderful people you call your friends in one place and party likes it’s 1999. There’s really no limit to how you choose to celebrate this holiday, so live it up and enjoy a day meant to highlight the importance of having good friends in your lives! NATIONAL ICE CREAM SANDWICH DAY – August 2 Do you really need an excuse to eat an ice cream sandwich? We didn’t think so. But here you go. NATIONAL WHITE WINE DAY – August 3 We think it might be fun to spend this day on a wine tour of local wineries! A simple Internet search brings up all the options, making it easy to pick which one works best for your family and your budget. NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DAY – August 4 Go out and get you a tasty chocolate chip cookie in respectful observance of the holiday. Maybe your local bakeries will have a few extra special ones on this day! NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY – August 5 Look, we’re not going to tell you how to celebrate this day. Maybe you buy a new pair. Or maybe you host a party where that’s all anyone is allowed to wear. The sky’s the limit, people! NATIONAL ROOT BEER FLOAT DAY – August 6 There are plenty of places out there boasting the best root beer float around. Make today the day you take a drive and find out who’s lying and who’s been right all along. NATIONAL MUSTARD DAY – August 7 There’s a fancy little hotdog stand called Margo’s Vienna Station, located just east of Manitou Springs on West Colorado Avenue. They sell some pretty amazing hotdogs and guess what else they provide: mustard! Go check them out to see what mustard options they have! NATIONAL SNEAK SOME ZUCCHINI ONTO YOUR NEIGHBOR’S PORCH DAY – August 8 We swear, this is a real thing. And we feel like it speaks for itself. But just in case you need some inspiration, take a peek at your garden and see if your zucchini plants are ready for harvesting. It’s the perfect time to do so! NATIONAL BOOKLOVERS DAY – August 9 Take a drive down to Hooked on Books in Colorado Springs, at the corner of Academy Boulevard and Maizeland Road or at their new location on East Bijou. Either location is jam-packed with new and gently used books for any true booklover to celebrate with! NATIONAL S’MORES DAY – August 10 It’s the perfect for a warm August night. Imagine gathering up your friends and family and (safely) lighting a bonfire over which you roast marshmallows to make sticky, gooey s’mores. MOUNTAIN DAY – August 11 Not that Coloradans really need another excuse to head to the mountains, but just in case, this the day to do it. Maybe it’s time you took a ride on The Broadmoor Manitou and Pikes Peak Cog Railway to the top of America’s Mountain. Consider it your contribution to the celebration of the day. WORLD ELEPHANT DAY – August 12 Since we have one of the coolest zoos in the entire country at our disposal, why not take a trip to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo and enjoy the day celebrating this prestigious pachyderm. NATIONAL BLAME SOMEONE ELSE DAY – August 13 You may want to keep this celebration a secret from the kiddies because once they find out there’s an entire day dedicated to blaming someone else, it just may become their new favorite holiday. Just sayin’. NATIONAL BOWLING DAY – August 14 Although it’s far from the only place, The Summit Interquest in Colorado Springs is a great option for celebrating today. And for those who maybe aren’t into bowling, celebrate with a round of laser tag instead. It’s all right there! CHANT AT THE MOON DAY – August 15 If there’s one thing we can recommend on this day, should you choose to participate in chanting at the moon, maybe do it quietly and someplace private. Otherwise, you might have a friendly visit from your local police department to do a welfare check. NATIONAL ROLLER COASTER DAY – August 16 If you’re not already planning to head up to Six Flags Elitch Gardens in Denver for this day, then you’re clearly not ready to celebrate today. Get with the program. NATIONAL THRIFT SHOP DAY – August 17 Celebrate this day by browsing the unique finds at any one of many local thrift shops. Worst case scenario: you find something hilarious, post it to your Facebook page and get a great laugh out of it! NATIONAL FAJITA DAY – August 18 Seriously, do we need to say more? Just think of The Loop in Manitou Springs, La Mission in Falcon and any number of other Mexican restaurants in the area. NATIONAL AVIATION DAY – August 19 Start off with a tour of the Air Force and after you’ve worked up an appetite, head to The Airplane Restaurant in Colorado Springs for food and drinks. NATIONAL RADIO DAY – August 20 Take a break from the boob tube for a day and enjoy the sounds (and memories) brought to you by your trusty AM/FM radio. Don’t own one? Maybe the thrift store you went to on the Aug. 17 will have one. Plan ahead. NATIONAL SENIOR CITIZENS DAY – August 21 This is a hint for you youngsters to go find your favorite senior citizens and make today all about what they want to do! Trust us, they will love you even more for it. NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY DAY – August 22 Most of you are past the days of the tooth fairy, but what about finding a neat tooth fairy-themed gift for that special toothless kiddo in your life? They’re certainly cause for celebration! NATIONAL CUBAN SANDWICH DAY – August 23 Don’t know what’s on a Cuban? Think Hawaiian sweet roll topped with pulled pork, ham, pickles, mustard and cheese, then grilled in a panini press. Hungry yet? NATIONAL WAFFLE DAY – August 24 Even without fancy places like Waffle House, you can still celebrate National Waffle Day in style. Try putting cinnamon rolls in a waffle iron and serving up the result. They’re quite tasty. NATIONAL BANANA SPLIT DAY – August 25 Again, need we say more? NATIONAL DOG DAY – August 26 Seriously, stop. You don’t need ideas. Just go celebrate with some dogs. NATIONAL JUST BECAUSE DAY – August 27 Look, if we haven’t shown you that there’s quite literally a day to celebrate anything and everything, then maybe you take this day to celebrate “Just Because.” See what we did there? NATIONAL RED WINE DAY – August 28 For all you folks who opted out of the wine tours back on White Wine Day, maybe today’s your chance to celebrate! Quit making excuses. NATIONAL LEMON JUICE DAY – August 29 Everything else gets a day to be celebrated, so it only seems fair that lemon juice would also get its day. Just don’t go putting this on anyone’s papercut, okay? NATIONAL BEACH DAY – August 30 Since you Coloradans are landlocked, just know that this writer will totally take one for the team and go to the beach here in Maine to celebrate on your behalf. NATIONAL EAT OUTSIDE DAY – August 31 Just think of all the beautiful locations across our fair state that could act as the perfect setting for your celebration. Garden of the Gods? The Paint Mines? Bear Creek Park? The possibilities are endless! Issue 958 - September 2021
HURRICANE SEASON IS HERE AND SNIPPETZ WANTS TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S WHAT By Lindsey Harrison 
“Hurricane season brings a humbling reminder that, despite our technologies, most of nature remains unpredictable.”
– Diane Ackerman, American poet The sun has started to set a bit earlier each day and the weather, while still stupid hot at times, is showing the first hint of cooling for the fall. The leaves have not started changing yet, but they will and soon it will be time to head to the mountains to do a little leaf-peeping. The stores are starting to stock everything pumpkin-spice flavored, even cereal, which is just confusing to us, but there it is. For those of us tucked away in the safety of the Centennial State (we mean Colorado, in case you did not get that at first), we likely not too concerned that the height of hurricane season is upon us. Obviously, we do not get hurricanes in Colorado. However, it is important to know about them, not only because they impact lots of people in lots of places, but also because they demand respect. We can’t do anything to stop them once they have started and we can’t do anything to prevent them . . . at least, nothing we have figured out as of yet. For those two reasons, hurricanes are incredibly interesting, and we thought it might be worth the time to spread the information around that we’ve discovered on hurricanes. You never know when it may come in handy and for that, dear readers, we encourage you to keep reading. There is quite simply a wealth of knowledge to be had. And as always, you’re welcome. WHAT IS A HURRICANE? Alright, Smarty Pants, you think you already know what a hurricane is, huh? Well, did you know that the technical term for this type of storm is a tropical cyclone? Probably not. Anyway, it’s true, hurricanes are technically tropical cyclones. In fact, the only place that hurricanes are called hurricanes is in the Atlantic Ocean, the Gulf of Mexico and the Eastern Pacific Ocean. In the Western Pacific Ocean, they’re called typhoons. In the Indian Ocean, the Bay of Bengal and throughout Australia, hurricanes are called cyclones. That right there is a great piece of information to have because what happens if you visit Australia sometime and they say they’re expecting a cyclone? Those of us from the United States would likely envision flying houses and all things “Wizard of Oz” related. And boy would we be wrong! See? Right there, we just saved you from a huge potential miscommunication. Again, you’re welcome. (Just so we’re clear, we will be referring to tropical cyclones as hurricanes for the simple fact that it’s easier and makes more sense to everyone. Also, we’re not in Australia or the Bay of Bengal.) WHAT’S WITH ALL THE NUMBERS? Anyway, hurricanes are categorized as such when the storm system produces winds of 74 miles per hour or higher. Speaking of categories, hurricanes are also placed into one of five categories, based on the wind speed. The scale, called the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Scale, places storms with winds between 74 and 95 miles per hour as Category 1 storms. If you’ve ever ridden in a vehicle going 95 miles per hour, you know that that speed is nothing to sneeze at! Category 2 storms have wind speeds ranging from 96 to 110 miles per hour. Category 3 is between 111 and 129 miles per hour; Category 4 is between 130 and 156 miles per hour; and Category 5 is 157 miles per hour or higher. WHAT MAKES A HURRICANE A HURRICANE? You might be wondering why we consider hurricanes a form of tropical cyclone. Like, why don’t we consider tornadoes a form of tropical cyclone? They do roughly the same thing, right? Well, sort of. But there are certain characteristics hurricanes have that tornadoes don’t. For instance, hurricanes begin as a tropical disturbance, i.e. an area over warm ocean waters where rain clouds have begun to build. That right there takes tornadoes out of the running for tropical cyclone status: tornadoes don’t form over the ocean. And if they do, guess what? They’re a tropical cyclone! Once that tropical disturbance has begun to build, with the rain clouds gathering out over that warm sea water, they may begin to rotate, creating what would then be a tropical depression if it develops winds of 38 miles per hour or less. If THAT storm continues to gain strength and the winds it produces reach the magic number of 39 miles per hour, it then becomes a tropical storm. And if THAT tropical storm continues to build and its winds reach 74 miles per hour, it has officially become a hurricane! INGREDIENTS FOR THE PERFECT STORM (OR HURRICANE) One huge key to a hurricane forming is the temperature of the surface water. Warm water provides the energy necessary to create a hurricane-strength storm. Usually, that temperature needs to be at least 79 degrees Fahrenheit. The other necessary ingredient for creating a hurricane is, oddly enough, the stability of the windspeed and direction as it rises higher into the sky. We say “oddly enough” because it’s likely that most people don’t automatically think “stable” when they think of the whipping winds associated with hurricanes. We certainly don’t. But it’s true; the windspeed and direction needs to be relatively stable as it goes higher and higher, and if it isn’t there’s a good chance the entire storm will simply blow apart. Technically, it’s unclear why a hurricane forms out of a certain storm and not out of another. And maybe that’s what makes them so interesting to weirdos like us at Snippetz. Or maybe it has something to do with that one night when this writer was home with her older brother and their babysitter while their parents were out. The babysitter and the two young kids were playing the Coleco (you’ve probably never heard of it, but it’s a video game system similar to the Atari and we swear it exists) while sitting on the mattress the family pulled out for friends to sleep on during sleepovers (or for the kids to ride down the stairs because that’s what we did in the 1980s). The weather took a turn for the worse and this poor babysitter, trying to be as awesome as possible, thought it would be wise to say the weather looked like it was going to produce a hurricane. Ever since then, this writer has had a bit of a “thing” about storms. It’s fine. Everything is fine. WHAT’S IN A NAME? According to this writer’s 13-year-old daughter, hurricanes should be named after men because when they appear, they ruin everything. She is truly savage. But the funny thing is, from the time the United States started naming hurricanes with specific names (rather than by the phonetic alphabet, i.e. Able, Baker, Charlie, etc) in 1953, they were given female names. Quite appropriate for said 13-year-old daughter who is often referred to as “Hurricane Dacey,” due to her habit of creating miniatures disaster areas out of the various locations in the house she tends to frequent. Anyway, that practice was abandoned in 1978 when using men’s and women’s names became the norm. So, why in the world do we feel the need to name tropical storms and hurricanes? Well, in a word: clarity. Let’s pretend there is more than one hurricane currently cruising through the Atlantic Ocean at any given time. It’s way more convenient and easier to understand if someone tells a ship’s captain that they are headed straight for Hurricane Dacey rather than trying to describe the storm’s coordinates or characteristics. An international committee of the World Meteorological Organization created the procedure for how to name hurricanes as follows: there are six lists, each corresponding to a year. Each list contains names in alphabetical order. The lists are followed in order, thus every six years, the names are repeated. However, if a hurricane ends up being so devastating that repeating the name would cause confusion in the future, the committee meets and votes on a new name to replace it. So, it’s unlikely we will ever see another Hurricane Katrina or Hurricane Sandy, since both of those names correspond to a particularly catastrophic hurricane. The names still go in alphabetical order throughout any given hurricane season. However, if there happen to be more than 21 named storms in a season, there is an alternate list from which the World Meteorological Organization will choose. So, don’t get comfortable, all you Braylens, Heaths and Gemmas. You never know when it’ll be your turn to be a hurricane! HURRICANE SNIPPETZ
Issue 959 - October 2021
SNIPPETZ REMINDS YOU NOT TO “UNDER” ESTIMATE UNDERGROUND CITIES By Lindsey Harrison “A friend of mine has this great theory about the Teletubbies, that it’s preparing us for being mindless. And getting us ready for living in an underground world. That’s why the scenery is so flat.” – Rachel McAdams, Canadian actress As we shuffle through this mortal toil we call life, we seem to find ourselves constantly looking to the skies, as if our futures reside there. Poetic, right? But what we really mean is that people appear to have decided that the future of mankind belongs in outer space, in colonies on Mars or the moon. We appear to have completely written off the concept that Earth has anything more to offer us and perhaps we’re right. We have, after all, steadily worked to deplete every natural resource we can find and at an alarming rate. But this isn’t about the irreparable damage we’ve done to our planet. You should know by now that Snippetz has way more important things to do than depress you by talking all “doom and gloom.” We’ve actually chosen to set our sights on something slightly lower than outer space. Like, really low. We’re talking about underground. No, not the Underground Railroad (which is probably the single most significant entity ever to contain the word “underground”). And no, not the Velvet Underground, either. We’re talking about literally beneath the ground. It almost sounds as sci-fi to talk about the idea of heading underground to live as it does to talk about flying into space to buy a new house on Mars, but there are real cities beneath our feet. It’s no surprise most of us have never heard of them . . . they weren’t terribly successful, otherwise they’d likely be all the rage right about now. Who wouldn’t want to disappear into an underground oasis? Assuming there aren’t a lot of people down there to create drama, it sounds pretty idyllic if you ask us. But as we mentioned, they weren’t the best idea mankind has ever had. They ARE incredibly interesting, which is the specific criteria we at Snippetz require for our article topics. But you already know that because you read Snippetz religiously. Every. Single. Month. Right?? We thought so. Anyway, that’s what we’re “digging” into this month (get it?), so brush off your gloves and bust out your shovel because we’re going underground! SEATTLE, WASHINGTON First of all, any conspiracy theory having to do with the Teletubbies (like the one mentioned by Ms. Adams above) is absolutely brilliant, but also very unlikely to actually be true. Consider for a moment how terribly dystopian it would be for a simple children’s show like the Teletubbies to actually be the government’s way of preparing us for life as subterranean creatures. Actually, scratch that. There are waaaay too many conspiracy theories out there to add another one to the mix. Let’s move away from the realm of fantasy and back into reality. We’ll start off with something a little closer to home . . . Seattle, Washington, to be precise. It’s true. There is a city beneath the streets of Seattle. But it’s probably not what you’re thinking, so let us explain. The year is 1889 and the Great Seattle Fire has just ripped through the city, destroying more than 25 city blocks. Obviously, the city had to rebuild and in doing so, they determined it would be wise to raise the area of Pioneer Square a full story higher to prevent flooding. Allow us to guide you through a description to create the proper visual for you: the street level is now a full story higher in that area than it previously was. The bottom floor is where the street level used to be, but it was effectively turned into a basement. But like, the basement of a city, not the basement of a building. Does that even make sense? Anyway, the vendors moved their stores to the new ground floor (a.k.a. the second floor) and with the construction of sidewalks to allow access between the new stores on the new street level, the area ended up with a series of tunnels connecting the businesses that didn’t choose to “move on up.” Obviously, over time, there was concern that crime would become an issue in the Seattle Basement (as we have so lovingly decided to call it), never mind the potential for disease to fester down there. So, in 1907, the Seattle Basement was condemned. But in true “waste not want not” fashion, some of the tunnels have been revamped to allow public access. Pretty nifty, right? MONTREAL, QUEBEC In case you don’t know where Montreal or Quebec is, allow us to enlighten you. Montreal is a city in the province of Quebec, in the country of Canada. Got it? Good. Moving on. This particular underground city is like an above-ground city, minus the businesses. It’s basically just tunnels connecting various buildings and businesses. That’s not to say it isn’t pretty freaking cool. The tunnels connect more than 60 percent of the offices in the city (the ones above ground, that is), measuring about 22 miles long. Roughly 500,000 people access the tunnels on the daily and if you consider how much space that frees up for people above ground to move around and do their activities, it makes a ton of sense. Would it be a bit weird to wander through the tunnels to get to work or go shopping at your favorite store? Maybe. But only if you weren’t born in Montreal sometime after 1962, when construction of the tunnels began. Places like Colorado Springs should really take a page out of that book . . . perhaps it would alleviate some of the congestion on the roadways throughout the city! EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND Speaking of Colorado Springs, consider for a moment the city of Edinburgh, Scotland. Just like in Colorado Springs, space was very valuable in Edinburgh, mainly because there was so little of it available in the 1700s. Everything that could be built upon had been. So, to make use of every space they possibly could, the powers that be decided to created tunnels and rooms beneath the bridges that reached across the expanse from one hilltop to another. The bridges were arched, making plenty of room beneath them for such construction. At first, the tunnels and rooms were pretty neat, with the more expensive shop owners using them for storage. But eventually, the less-than-desirable societal underworld (the underground underworld, if you will) became aware of their existence and determined they were prime real estate. The snooty shop owners abandoned them, and the underground underworld took over. Eventually, the subterranean rooms and tunnels were closed off, but in similar fashion to the Seattle Basement situation, the tunnels and rooms have been reopened (some, not all), and trendy nightclubs and restaurants now inhabit them. PARIS, FRANCE Just a hop, skip and a jump across the Atlantic Ocean, we find ourselves in Paris, France. You may have heard of the tunnels before since they have recently become fodder for thriller-type movies where people get lost and die in them, etc. The tunnels, dubbed the Catacombs, were created in the 1100s, to essentially consolidate the ancient stone quarries of the city. But what makes them interesting (at least to creepy people like us) is the fact that, located within the 170 miles of tunnels coursing beneath the city are the bones of about 6 million people. The tunnels were a convenient place to deposit bones between about 1785 to the 1880s, mainly from cemeteries that were condemned or were experiencing over-crowding, as all cemeteries eventually will, right? Imagine wandering in the streets of the City of Light (that’s Paris’s nickname, FYI) without realizing that just beneath your feet, about 6 million skeletons are just hanging out. CAPPADOCIA, TURKEY We have saved the best for last and Cappadocia, Turkey, earns that title for one simple reason: the underground cities in this amazing place date back to at least 400 B.C. and number (possibly) in the hundreds. Can you imagine? We can, but that’s because we have weird brains that take us to weird places (also, you’re welcome for that). Anywho, about 40 of said cities have been discovered but just six – yes, SIX – are open to the public. To be honest, that’s probably for the best. The caverns are carved out of volcanic rock which is notoriously soft and poses a structural concern for anyone who enters them. Also, considering that people like to ruin just about everything, it seems likely they would be fairly quickly destroyed by allegedly “innocent” visitors. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is that these cities are true cities; the largest is said to expansive enough to hold 30,000 people. Additionally, there’s said to be as many as 12 levels BELOW the ones that have been discovered so far. So yeah, Cappadocia is the be-all-end-all when it comes to subterranean cities, according to Snippetz. |
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