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Issue 960 - November 2021
WE PREDICT YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ARTICLE ABOUT THE FARMER’S ALMANAC! by Lindsey Harrison 
“In the current scenario of climate change, predictions of extreme weather events are becoming difficult.”
– M. S. Swaminathan, Indian geneticist Once upon a time, there was a world without technology. No computers, no smartphones, no streaming shows on a smart TV. People had to speak to each other in order to spread salacious gossip, and if they wanted to increase their knowledge of a particular subject, they opened up a book and read the pages therein. It probably sounds like torture to today’s youth, but for those of us who grew up without those annoying technological advances, it sounds like a return to a simpler time with a slower pace of life. And sure, things were simpler, and life moved a bit more slowly, but we also didn’t have indoor plumbing or electricity. What’s the point behind this rambling monologue, you ask? Well, the point, dear readers, is that we didn’t always have the world at our fingertips. That didn’t mean we didn’t want to have access to all the knowledge of the universe. Perhaps that’s how things like almanacs came to be. For all those uncultured swine out there – and obviously we don’t mean any of our cherished Snippetz readers – almanacs are generally defined as “a publication containing astronomical and meteorological data for a given year and often including a miscellany of other information.” Someone out there decided it was high time there was a publication that allowed for all kinds of incredibly interesting information to be compiled and released to the general public. Smart move, if you ask us. Sounds kind of like a certain magazine you are currently reading, right at this very moment, now. Anywho, since there are obvious parallels between almanacs and Snippetz Magazine, we thought it might be interesting to investigate the world’s longest-running almanac, the Old Farmer’s Almanac. What purpose does it serve in our overly technologized society? Is there any merit to the predictions prophesized in each issue? The only way to answer those questions is to do the legwork to round up all the research necessary . . . luckily, Snippetz literally lives for this type of thing, so we’ve done all the work and put it together in an impeccably written article for all to enjoy! As usual, you’re welcome. SETTING THE ALMANAC STAGE Generally speaking, almanacs have been around for literally centuries. For example, the Babylonians predicted Jupiter’s location in the night sky using formulas they pressed into clay. When the clay dried, the result was a cuneiform tablet that acted as a rather unwieldy almanac of sorts. Other versions of early almanacs predicted similar things, like the movements of the sun, moon and various entities they observed in the heavens above. Using what could be found in the sky to predict locations of other things in the sky is one thing. But by the 1600s, that wasn’t where almanac predictions stopped; their creators began making predictions about plagues and other devastating events that really no one could accurately predict. That didn’t stop the predictions from coming and it didn’t stop people from believing them either. In fact, they grew in such popularity that almanacs were only outsold by the Bible . . . and that was long before the Old Farmer’s Almanac even made its appearance! WHAT IS THE OLD FARMER’S ALMANAC? Don’t be a smarty- pants and say, “it’s a publication containing astronomical and meteorological data for a given year and often including a miscellany of other information.” We mean specifically the Old Farmer’s Almanac. Like, where did it come from and why does it exist? Well, to answer the first question, the Old Farmer’s Almanac was first published in 1792 in Massachusetts. For some perspective, that was back when George Washington was president. While it wasn’t the first of its kind and it wasn’t the only of its kind, there was something about it that immediately caught on. Circulation tripled from the first year to the second, indicating editor Robert B. Thomas had found the right formula to keep readers coming back for more. The Old Farmer’s Almanac sold for six pence (roughly nine cents by today’s standards) and considering it contained allegedly scary-accurate predictions of weather and astronomical events, that sounds like a pretty good deal. Farmers routinely consulted almanacs for advice on when to plant their crops, when to harvest them, how to tend them and really anything having to do with having a successful farming operation. But it wasn’t just farmers that looked to the Old Farmer’s Almanac for information. Much like this humble publication you’re reading now, the almanac contained funny stories, recipes and other helpful pieces of knowledge. It really had something for everyone, which is probably why it’s still around today. And that really answers the second question, doesn’t it? It exists because it’s awesome. However antiquated it may seem, people have always found it relevant. Perhaps they enjoy the feel of flipping through the pages to find what interests them. Perhaps they really need to know about the moon’s phases or when the next high tide will be. It doesn’t actually matter what has kept people coming back to the Old Farmer’s Almanac for nearly 230 years; it matters that people keep coming back. That’s it. HOW ACCURATE IS THE OLD FARMER’S ALMANAC? It’s true that the predictions contained within the pages of the many issues of the Old Farmer’s Almanac are intriguing to say the least. But are they accurate? Depends on who you ask. Some sources claim the predictions (mainly regarding the weather) have an 80 percent accuracy rate. Others claim it’s no higher than 50 or 55 percent. If the Old Farmer’s Almanac website is to be believed, Robert B. Thomas had a sophisticated prediction formula based on his belief that the Earth’s weather is impacted by magnetic storms on the sun’s surface. Using that formula, Thomas created predictions that became a trusted source for invaluable information about what each season would bring. But this isn’t 1792 anymore and the almanac’s predictive formula has changed with the times. The current formula relies on three things to create the predictions: solar science (the study of sunspots and other forms of solar activity); climatology (the study of prevailing weather patterns); and meteorology (the study of the atmosphere). FYI, if you want to know what Thomas’s original predictive formula is, you’d have to break into a lockbox in the Old Farmer’s Almanac’s offices. But we don’t condone such nefarious behavior, so don’t do it. The predictions in each issue can be made as early as 18 months in advance, cover 18 regions within the United States and 7 regions in Canada. YOU SAY OLD FARMER’S ALMANAC, WE SAY FARMER’S ALMANAC We don’t want to call the whole thing off because there’s actually a really difference between the Old Farmer’s Almanac and the Farmer’s Almanac. Let’s start at the beginning. There really are two almanacs: The Old Farmer’s Almanac that was started in 1792 by Robert B. Thomas in Massachusetts and is currently based out of Dublin, New Hampshire; and the Farmer’s Almanac, which was founded by David Young in Morristown, New Jersey and is based in Lewiston, Maine, in 1818. So, what prompted Young to create his own Farmer’s Almanac? Perhaps he saw the success of Thomas’s version and thought he could do better, be more accurate, or have funnier stories. His predictive formula allegedly takes into consideration similar things to Thomas’s formula, like sunspot activity. But it also uses tidal movements caused by the moon and the position of the planets to name a few. QUESTION – if Pluto was discovered and named as a planet in 1930, but has since been demoted to the lowly status of dwarf plant, does that affect the Farmer’s Almanac predictions? Just curious. Anyway, Young’s almanac claims that only one person knows the actual formula for the predictions: someone who goes by the pseudonym Caleb Weatherbee. So, either Caleb Weatherbee is immortal or there is a “passing of the torch” so to speak, when a new Caleb comes aboard and receives the information from the old Caleb, or the formula is written down someplace and thus, could also be stolen should someone feel so inclined. As usual, however, that is neither here nor there. What is important is that the Farmer’s Almanac boasts an accuracy rate of 80 to 85 percent and the predictions are made up to 16 months in advance for 7 climate zones in the United States and 5 in Canada. So, is there a superior almanac? You’re going to have to be the judge of that. ALMANAC SNIPPETZ
Issue 961 - December 2021
IS SANTA CLAUS THE SUPER HERO WE NEVER KNEW WE NEEDED? by Lindsey Harrison 
“For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you’d stay up until three in the morning. You’d hear the parents wrapping in the other room, but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus.”
– Chris Pine, American actor Growing up in the United States, it’s highly unlikely that you made it through grade school without hearing about Santa Claus. You may not have believed he was real; you may not have even celebrated Christmas. But if you saw a picture of a rotund, white-bearded man clad in a red suit, you probably knew who he was. That’s just how pervasive the image of Santa Claus is. However, you may not know how he came to be the classic icon of the Christmas season, or even what he has to do with Christmas in the first place. That’s fair. It isn’t exactly something they teach you in school, although we think they should. It’s history after all. No, really. Santa Claus is real. Guys, this isn’t a joke. Would we ever lie to you? The answer, dear readers, is that we wouldn’t, we haven’t, and we won’t. So, you’re probably wondering where this is all going. But to know where this rambling introduction is going, you need to know where it began. And that’s at 5335 Waddell Avenue in Colorado Springs. A young, incredibly intelligent, hilarious, and creative young girl had a strong desire to catch Santa Claus in the act, and thus, spent nearly every Christmas Eve “sleeping” on the living room couch. One such Christmas Eve, after several sleepless hours, she heard something very much like jingle bells. Gasp! Could this be it, she thought to herself? She knew better than to try to open her eyes, lest she scare away to secretive elf and end up with no presents to open the following morning. Instead, she lay quietly as the jingle bells tromped up the stairs from the basement, past her “sleeping” head, and out the front door. Of course, they weren’t jingle bells, but the skull buckles of her very much Gothic-inspired older sister’s boots as she headed out for a night of Christmas Eve fun. But for that brief moment or two, the girl was convinced it was Santa Claus, finally coming to bring her family their gifts. Now, that evening, the girl didn’t end up catching Santa Claus, but not because he isn’t real. Santa Claus is very much real, and we can prove it. Don’t believe us? Keep reading because we at Snippetz have the inside scoop on Jolly Old Saint Nick! IN THE BEGINNING . . . The history of Santa Claus starts in present-day Turkey. Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself, what in the world does Santa Claus have to do with Turkey? And to that we say, calm down. We’re getting to it. So, once upon a time in Turkey, there was a man named Nicholas. Nicholas was born around 280 A.D. or thereabouts. He grew to be a kind man, known for giving away his wealth to help those less fortunate than he. Nicholas became a bishop, known for his staunch defense of Christianity. However, the truth about Nicholas doesn’t exactly jive with the legend he turned into over the centuries. For starters, he is reported to have been a very lithe, slender man rather than someone whose belly “shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.” It’s likely that he was olive-skinned and had dark hair, although it’s fair to say that his hair could have gone completely white as he grew older. Second, the Santa we all know and love is portrayed as a “right jolly old elf.” But did you know that Santa reportedly spent time in prison? It’s true! He was supposedly arrested by the Roman emperor Diocletian and placed in jail, where he was tortured until he was finally released by Constantine the Great. Add to that the rumor that he hit a heretic named Arius in the face and you’ve got a picture of a man that is a far cry from the Santa we all know and love. While Nicholas may have been a bit of a loose cannon at times, the reputation he earned as a giving, generous soul that would eventually follow him through his various iterations was certainly well-earned, if the stories about him are to be believed. For instance, he is said to have rescued three girls from being sold into prostitution by secretly delivering large dowries to their father (who was in debt up to eyeballs, apparently) so that they could be married instead. And that’s not even the most hard-core thing Nicholas ever did! He actually raised three young boys from the dead, after realizing they had been murdered and cut into pieces before being placed into barrels of brine in the basement of an inn. If that’s not worthy of a long-lasting legend, then we don’t know what is. NICHOLAS BECOMES SAINT NICHOLAS Obviously, the incredible feats Nicholas performed, paired with his undeniable generosity, earned him the status of “Saint” when he died. He became the patron saint of myriad things including the following: charitable fraternities; children; unmarried girls; and sailors (to name a few). Speaking of sailors, did you know that St. Nicholas’s remains were said to have actually been stolen from the church in Myra (a.k.a. Turkey) where he was buried by Italian sailors? Why? We don’t know. But we do know that they were taken to Bari, Italy, and placed in the basilica of San Nicola, where they remain today. In 2017, a fragment of those remains was tested by researchers and determined to be from the 4th century, the same time as when St. Nicholas lived and died. So, where is all of this leading, you may be wondering. Well, follow this line of thinking for just a minute: if Santa Claus = St. Nicholas (which most will agree is true) and St. Nicholas was a real man who lived in the 3rd and 4th centuries, then Santa Claus = real. Once again, Snippetz has provided irrefutable proof that simply cannot be ignored any longer! SANTA GETS A MAKEOVER OK, Santa is real. Check. But now the question remains: how did Santa Claus go from a bishop in Turkey to an “elf” living at the North Pole? Well, for a long time, people seemed to have forgotten about St. Nicholas, or at least didn’t think it was the “cool” thing to do to like him. However, the Dutch managed to keep his legend alive and when they came across the Atlantic Ocean to the “New World,” they brought him along. Thanks to one such traveler named Washington Irving who wrote a book called “The Knickerbocker’s History of New York,” we see references to “Sinter Klaas” (a.k.a Sint Nikolaas, a.k.a. Santa Claus) flying across the sky in a wagon, dropping toys down the chimneys for good little children. Sound like anyone you know?? Add to that the poem written by Clement Clarke Moore (a friend of Irving’s, by the way), called “A Visit from St. Nicholas” – better known as “The Night Before Christmas” – and you have a picture of a good-natured, cookie-loving, pudgy elf with rosy cheeks who can squeeze into a chimney to deliver gifts. The visual of Santa with his red velvety suit trimmed in white fur is actually an adaptation from the original illustration created by Thomas Nast, a young artist hired by Harper’s Weekly in 1863 to draw a picture of Santa delivering gifts to the troops fighting in the American Civil War. In that initial drawing, Santa’s suit was much like the suit worn by Uncle Sam in the “We Want You” images, including the stars and stripes. For the next 40 years, that’s how Santa was drawn. Eventually, however, good taste won out and Santa was depicted in a solid-colored suit that was sometimes green but eventually the classic red we all know and love. SANTA AS A WEAPON?? “He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake!” We all know the song lyrics, but did you know that Santa Claus has basically been used as a threat from parents to their children to keep them in line for as long as his legend has been around? The legend of Santa went dormant for some time between about 1200-1300 A.D. until after the Renaissance. During that time, it became more popular to associate the baby Jesus with the Christmas holiday. However, parents quickly realized they baby Jesus didn’t really explain how presents were delivered on Christmas Eve, nor could they threaten their children with a baby, so they created variations of Santa Claus that were said to be like Jesus’s henchmen. Thus, we find characters like “Rough Nicholas,” “Ashy Nicholas,” and “Furry Nicholas” who served the purpose of doling out punishment to naughty children. The bottom line, wonderful Snippetz fans, is that Santa is a very real, very interesting character with a rich history. Let’s all enjoy his existence and maybe we can treat each other a bit nice this holiday season. After all, no one wants to meet “Rough Nicholas.” Issue 962 - January 2022
OCTOPUS VS. SQUID: WHO WILL WIN THE TITLE OF COOLEST OCEAN CREATURE? by Lindsey Harrison 
“Whoa, we’re halfway there! Whoa, Squidward on a chair!” (Sung to the tune of “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi)
– Abby Buljung, American lyricist What has eight legs and lives in the ocean? If you said “octopus,” you’re wrong. The answer is “squid,” unless you said “squid,” in which case, you’re wrong because the answer is actually “octopus.” Just messing with you. If you said either “squid” or “octopus,” you win the prize for knowing how to count to eight and that both animals live in the ocean. Sorry, we realize it’s a pretty anti-climactic prize, but hey, it’s better than nothing, right? You’re probably wondering what the point is to all this mindless rambling that appears to be happening right about now. If you didn’t read the title clearly enough, take a second to read it again, because that’s the point. We have decided there will be a grudge match, to the DEATH, to see who reigns supreme between octopuses (yes, that is the proper way to pluralize that word) and squids. Ok, obviously it won’t be to the death. For starters, we have neither an octopus nor a squid on hand for a cage match, nee a TANK match, of that magnitude. Also, if we did it here at Snippetz, all of you lovely readers wouldn’t have any clue what was going on. Instead, we are taking this thing to the next level . . . we’re going interactive! No, don’t ask any questions right now. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy this incredible piece of literary genius as it unfolds before you. FIGHTERS, GO TO YOUR CORNERS Allow us to set the stage: you’re standing alone in a room with two large fish tanks. In one tank, there’s an octopus. The type doesn’t necessarily matter right now; we’ll let you know when it does. In the other tank, there’s a squid. You don’t know which tank has which cephalopod in it. Look, we know that tanks are clear on the sides since they’re made of glass. Just pretend like you have a blindfold on or something. If you aren’t going to cooperate, this entire article won’t be worth more than the paper it was printed on. And we all know it’s worth considerably more. Anyway, so there you are, blindfolded in a room with two fish tanks. Now, because this is our imaginary situation, we have decided that you need to determine what tank holds the octopus and what tank holds the squid. However, because you’re blindfolded, you can’t see to figure that out. Obviously, you wouldn’t be able to use your sense of smell, hearing, or taste to accurately make your guess either. You could always try, but since that would be utterly absurd (and we are definitely NOT the type of publication to embrace the absurd), why don’t we just go ahead and skip all that. The only sense you have left is your sense of touch. And that, dear readers, is how you will determine which tank holds each animal. Shall we begin? You stick your hand into Tank A and grab ahold of the creature within. You feel around and count eight legs . . . but that doesn’t help you much since both squid and octopuses have eight legs. But wait! What’s this? Two more tentacles? How could that be? Well, we’ll tell you. It turns out, those extra tentacles aren’t regular tentacles at all; they’re feeding tentacles. You make a mental note of that and continue exploring. Ouch! That nasty little bugger just bit you! You definitely felt a beak, which doesn’t help at all because both octopuses and squids have beaks. However, you also felt something else, sort of like a tongue covered in teeth, attempting to grind your hand down into manageable bites. You have just encountered the radula. Again, you make a mental note and continue. As you palpate the body of the creature (don’t worry, it’s decided you’re not a threat and won’t bite you again), you find something strange running along the inside of its body. The structure obviously provides support to the creature’s body, but it’s definitely not hard enough to be a bone. That makes sense, since neither squids nor octopuses have bones. So, what in the world is this thing? Aha! You remember the name of this structure now! It’s called the pen. Interesting, no? One more thing to add to the growing list of characteristics to help you determine who’s who in this weird game you’re playing. Your hand wanders along the mantle (a.k.a. the main body of both squids and octopuses) and suddenly you feel a weird sucking sensation coming from something that feels funnel-shaped. Turns out, that’s exactly what it is. It’s a funnel and in both types of animals, it’s used expel water to help it swim (among other things). Now, it’s impossible to know just from touching it whether or not this particular cephalopod can also use it to squirt ink, which is something all squids can do, but not all octopuses can. So, unfortunately, the funnel (or the siphon if you prefer) doesn’t help much in your quest. Suddenly, the creature slips out of your grasp and literally flies out of the water to get away from you. What did you do to spook it? Kidding. But not really, because this cephalopod can fly . . . or at least it can shoot itself up out of the water to escape predators. Pretty cool, we know. One more piece to add to the puzzle, although the answer appears to be more and more obvious as time goes on. In the interest of conducting a balanced investigation, you decide to check out Tank B. You reach in and swish your hand around. Where is that sneaky little thing? Suddenly, your hand encounters a pile of something that feels like rocks. You carefully feel around the mound and find a small space, sort of like an entryway into a cave. Carefully, you slip your hand inside and voila! The creature is hiding inside! Yes! That makes perfect sense. The cephalopod you suspect resides in this tank builds dens to avoid socializing. The sweet little creature climbs into your hand. It doesn’t do much, just hangs out. Then it darts back into its den. Ok, that’s fine. But wait, what’s this? Is your hand starting to sting a little bit? Maybe it’s just your imagination. You explore the tank a bit more, hoping to perhaps find something else to confirm what your suspicions are. After about 5-10 minutes, the stinging in your hand starts to become painful. Suddenly, you feel sick to your stomach, it becomes difficult to breathe and swallow. Uh oh. Could this really be happening? The lightheaded feeling, the tightness in your chest, it all adds up to one thing: tetrodotoxin. You have been bitten by one of the deadliest creatures in the sea. What a way to spend a day, right? Don’t worry, we’ve got someone on hand to administer first aid and keep you from dying. You’re welcome, by the way. But now you’ve got no doubt which creature was in Tank A and which was in Tank B. CONCLUSION Since you already know which is which, why do you need us to tell you? Just kidding. Tank A held the squid and Tank B held the octopus. Which kind of squid, you ask? Well, it could really be any number; there are quite a few. But we chose a very specific octopus for you to explore: the blue-ringed octopus. Now, you may be thinking that we are some super sadistic people to have you stick your hand in a tank with a deadly sea creature, but let’s not forget: this was fiction. We didn’t actually do it, so you can stop being upset. While the story itself is fictional, all the “Snippetz” of information we provided to help you solve the puzzle are completely true. And that’s what makes this entire thing so fun! But there can only be one winner, one true Coolest Ocean Creature. Given everything you now know about squids and octopuses, which do you think is the winner? Well, we say octopuses. We don’t have to justify ourselves to you, but if you’re ever in for a tear-jerker of a movie, try watching “My Octopus Teacher” on Netflix and you’ll understand. Also, studies have shown that octopuses also appear to dream. They have been observed changing colors – which they do through their muscles – rapidly and seemingly randomly throughout their sleep cycle. And why wouldn’t you think an animal as cool and smart as an octopus, one that can actually recognize people (though they may hide from ones they don’t like or aren’t used to), would end up as the winner in a competition such as this? We thought you knew us better than that. We hope you enjoyed this interactive edition of Snippetz. However, we have to encourage everyone to leave octopuses and squids alone should you ever encounter one in the wild. They aren’t pets. Keep your hands to yourself. Issue 963 - February 2022
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE... and maybe some flowers and candy, too! by Lindsey Harrison 
“I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.”
– Robert Orben, American writer If you mention Valentine’s Day to someone, you are almost guaranteed to get one of two reactions: gushing, overly romantic exclamations of how wonderful the day is, or a fart noise followed by reasons why the holiday is the absolute worst. For whatever reason, Valentine’s Day is one of the most polarizing days of the year, and maybe there’s a good reason for it. When you’re in a happy, healthy relationship, Valentine’s Day can be a great reason to shower your significant other with gifts and love. You can get all dolled up, get a babysitter, and go out for a fancy meal. Or if you live in the real world where none of your nice clothes fit you anymore, no one can babysit on a Monday night (yes, February 14 falls on a Monday this year), and your favorite restaurant is closed due to COVID, you can just tell your partner “Happy Valentine’s Day” as you turn out the light and roll over to go to sleep. The flip side to that lovely mental picture is when you’re not in a relationship. Valentine’s Day can feel lonely and depressing. You have to sit back and watch as your annoying coworker gets a bouquet of roses delivered from her boyfriend, even though you know she’s been shamelessly flirting with that guy in accounting. How is that even fair? Anyway, it can be hard to find the good in a day geared towards all things love-related if you’re not exactly feeling the love. If it helps at all, the origin of Valentine’s Day is actually wrought with burning and murdering stuff. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Here’s what you need to know: Snippetz understands how strongly people tend to feel about the holiday and it only made sense for us to dig deeper into the past to figure out where it all started. You may think you know, but you have no idea. Well, we don’t actually know that, but it sounded good, right? Just keep reading. Sheesh. HISTORY OF ST. VALENTINE Depending on who you ask, the history of St. Valentine, and thus the day that became associated with him, could refer to one of two or three people. It’s not exactly surprising that we don’t have a clear picture of just whom St. Valentine was . . . mankind isn’t particularly known for giving objective accounts of how things went down. With that in mind, we’ll just cover all our bases and tell you about each man, that way you can rest assured the truth is in there someplace! Let’s start with the Roman priest Valentine who lived in Rome in the third century. Now, the important thing to know about this time in Roman history is that the emperor – Emperor Claudius II, to be exact – discovered that the soldiers in his military that weren’t married were better soldiers in general. So, being the really nice guy that he was, he banned marriage for young men. Obviously, there were quite a few people who were upset by this decision, including Valentine the priest. He decided to go against the emperor’s wishes and helped young couples get married in secret. As you can probably guess, the emperor caught wind of Valentine’s dastardly deeds and had him beheaded. Which is clearly the logical way to deal with anyone who defies the emperor’s decree, right? That’s just one story of St. Valentine. The second version pertains to a bishop named Valentine who lived in Terni, Italy. While there is less salacious detail about what brought about his death, it’s clear that he was also beheaded by Emperor Claudius II. That’s two down; just one to go. The last of the three most likely “real” Valentine candidates is a man who found himself imprisoned by the Romans. He was probably a Christian and may very well have been headed for the gladiator arena – “Are you not entertained?!” Sorry, quick “Gladiator” movie reference. Anyway, legend has it that he was in love with a woman who would come visit him while he was locked up, and before he was sent to his death, he wrote her a letter and signed it, “From your Valentine.” Now, any one of these legends could very well be the REAL Valentine, since all of them were eventually canonized, thus making them all saints. Since it doesn’t matter which one you believe, pick your favorite, and spread the word! BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! We now have our St. Valentine(s), but we don’t know what happened to bring about the designation of Feb. 14 as St. Valentine’s Day. (By the way, you may have noticed that we prefer Valentine’s Day rather than St. Valentine’s Day – we just like it better and this is our magazine, so we make the rules). One theory is that it falls on (or near) the day Valentine died. But another fairly compelling theory posits the idea that the day was chosen as a way to make the pagan celebration of Lupercalia a bit more palatable to the Christians. See, Lupercalia was a fertility festival celebrated on Feb. 15, and it stuck around until just before 500 A.D., when Pope Gelasius declared the day just before it as St. Valentine’s Day. Apparently, when one holiday is Christian and one is pagan, the Pope can effectively null and void the holiday he doesn’t like. Neat, right? That still doesn’t explain why Valentine’s Day has become this nauseatingly lovey-dovey day (kidding, kind of). To be honest, we really have English poet Geoffrey Chaucer to thank for that. He was the first to go on record claiming Valentine’s Day as a day for romance in his poem, “Parliament of Foules,” in 1375. Prior to this, Valentine’s Day greetings were given to one another verbally, which is all fine and dandy, but doesn’t do us in 2022 any good because we don’t have the physical evidence to prove anything. Luckily, in the early part of the 1400s, that all changed, and people began writing out Valentine’s Day greetings. SPEAKING OF VALENTINE’S DAY GREETINGS . . . We all probably had the same experience of creating a Valentine’s Day mailbox in school out of a tissue box or a shoe box. We used colored construction paper to decorate it and then we went around delivering Valentines to each of our classmates. Somewhere between Chaucer and then, we dropped the idea of calling it a Valentine’s greeting and just stuck with Valentine. But did you know there are also “Vinegar Valentines?” No way would this be allowed today, but back in the Victorian Era, it was popular to give not only sweet, loving Valentines to your special someone, but to also give a Vinegar Valentine to someone you weren’t particularly fond of. Here’s a sample of one such Vinegar Valentine, circa 1875: “Here’s a pretty cool reception, /At least you’ll say there’s no deception, /It says plain as it can say, /Old fellow you’d best away.” Ouch. To really pour salt into the wound, most of the cards were sent through the mail via C.O.D., which stands for cash on delivery. That meant not only did the recipient end up with a not-so-nice piece of mail, but they also had to pay to receive it. WHO WANTS CANDY?? So, now that we’ve officially bummed you out about Valentine’s Day, how about we look at the bright side, i.e., the candy! You may recognize the name Cadbury (as in the Cadbury Bunny), and if you do, you’re on the right track. Richard Cadbury was a British chocolate manufacturer who managed to create the first real “eating chocolate,” which he packaged in pretty boxes and sold. We may very well have him to thank for the invention of the heart-shaped box filled with chocolates, and for that, we thank him! As for those yummy little conversation hearts, we have Daniel Chase to thank. In the 1860s, he convinced his brother, Oliver, the founder of the NECCO candy company, to print sayings on candy hearts. Initially, they were made for weddings and parties, but they have become a staple of the Valentine’s Day candy giving tradition. VALENTINE’S DAY TRADITIONS AROUND THE WORLD
Issue 964 - March 2022
ANCIENT CULTURES TAKE ON THE MOON by Lindsey Harrison 
“Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon, You’re out too soon, The sun is still in the sky. Go back to bed, And cover up your head, And wait ‘til the day goes by.”
– Nursery rhyme (most memorably sung by a sweet little girl with blonde pigtails while on a walk with her mother and younger brother) Our world is constantly changing. One day, the latest technology allows people to make a phone call with a cellular phone, and the next (no, not literally the next) we’re all carrying around tiny computers with touch screens that just happen to have the ability to place phone calls. With so much change happening in such a short period of time, it seems hardly believable at all that humankind could be captivated by something for longer than a few minutes, let alone the entire time the species has been in existence. And yet, that’s exactly how it’s been with humans and the Moon. There’s just something about the beautiful mystery behind it that we can’t seem to shake. Sure, we know now that it isn’t made of blue cheese or whatever . . . honestly, who started that in the first place? But think about our ancestors thousands and thousands of years ago. Maybe they didn’t think it was made of blue cheese either – OK, they probably didn’t since blue cheese wasn’t a thing until about the 7th century. Did they know that it controlled the tides? Did they know that it doesn’t actually glow, but rather it reflects back the light from the sun? There’s so much to know about it, and while most of it seems pretty basic by today’s standards, there’s absolutely no denying how fascinating the Moon is and how important it has been to the various cultures that have graced our fair planet until now. We see the Moon playing a crucial role in stories, drawings, paintings, songs, myths. There’s even a stone named after it – it’s called Moonstone in case you weren’t sure. Would it surprise you to know that this writer is writing this Moon article on a night when there’s a full Moon, while listening to “Talking to the Moon” by Bruno Mars? That darn thing is everywhere! So, naturally, we at Snippetz wanted to know more about the role it has played throughout civilization’s history. And we all know what that means . . . that means you, lucky readers, get to learn all kinds of neat things! As usual, you’re welcome. MOON BASICS It seems irresponsible of us not to give some basic Moon facts before we jump into the impact that that Bad Jackson has had on humankind. (Yes, we did just call the Moon a Bad Jackson, deal with it). First off, it’s important to know that the Moon goes through eight phases during its cycle, which lasts 29.5 days. The phases are as follows: new Moon, waxing crescent Moon, first quarter Moon, waxing gibbous Moon, full Moon, waning gibbous Moon, last quarter Moon, and waning crescent Moon. Also, just to clarify, “waxing” and “waning” refer to the Moon either increasing (waxing) or decreasing (waning) in size. The word “gibbous” comes from the Latin word “hump” or “humpbacked,” which was often used to described rounded or convex shapes. FULL MOON NAMES If ever you should find yourself questioning the importance of the Moon in human history, just remember we have nicknames for the full Moon that occurs in each month. We even have a nickname for a full Moon that occurs in the same month as another full Moon – Blue Moon. Anyway, many of the nicknames we have for the monthly Moons come from Native American culture, although other cultures have influenced other nicknames, often resulting in multiple nicknames. To this writer, someone who routinely gives things nicknames (for instance, Roscoe the dog is also Princess Roscoe Manuelita and Rico Suave), it is seriously boss to have multiple nicknames. Perhaps you’d like to know them? Ask and ye shall receive:
MOON DEITIES ACROSS ANCIENT CULTURES Cultures from around the world rarely have things in common with one another. It’s probably no surprise that one of the few beliefs they shared was that the Moon was some sort of deity. Often considered feminine, the Moon was frequently believed to be a goddess, such as the Titan goddess Selene, from Greek mythology, who was thought to be the personification of the moon. Riding in her Moon chariot, Selene provided the night sky with light. Eventually, Artemis, the Greek goddess of the hunt (and wilderness, and chastity) became associated with the Moon as well. Anyone else getting October Hunter’s Moon vibes? The Incas called their Moon goddess Mama Quilla and were particularly fearful of lunar eclipses because they thought the shadow cast by the Earth across the face of the Moon at such times was actually an animal trying to kill Mama Quilla. To prevent the world from falling into eternal darkness should Mama Quilla die, the Incas would attempt to scare the “animal” away by making loud noises and throwing things at it. In Aztec mythology, the Moon goddess was named Coyolxauhqui. Fearing that her family had been dishonored when her mother became impregnated by a crown of feathers that dropped into her lap, Coyolxauhqui decided she had to kill her. But the baby, apparently not wanting to die in its mother’s womb, emerged as a full-grown (and fully armored) man named Huitzilopochtli and killed his sister by cutting off her head and throwing it into the sky where it became the Moon. His weapon of choice? A ray of sun. It’s believed that from then on, the sun’s daily triumph against the Moon is a replay of that epic battle. NOT A GOD, JUST A ROCK Nowadays, we are all aware that the Moon is not some goddess embroiled in a daily battle with the sun. But that wasn’t always the case (obviously), and to say otherwise could mean some pretty severe consequences. Take poor Anaxagoras, for example. He was a Greek philosopher who lived in the fifth century B.C. and had a particular passion for astronomy. Somewhere during his studies of the Moon and other astronomical entities, he made important discoveries that led him to the conclusion that the Moon was just a rock. In a time when the Moon was considered a goddess, the mere suggestion that it could be something as simple as a rock was basically heretical. Although Anaxagoras was likely not the only one of his contemporaries to posit that theory, he was outspoken enough about it to be arrested, exiled, and ultimately sentenced to death for promoting it. Luckily, Anaxagoras was good friends with Pericles (a powerful statesmen, and driving force behind Athens entering into the Peloponnesian wars against Sparta), who managed to free the philosopher, thus preventing his execution. Anaxagoras’s writings make up just one book, thus his teachings and beliefs are considered “fragments” compared to other philosophers of his time. In fact, that’s how they’re referenced, as numbered fragments. Anyway, throughout those various fragments, Anaxagoras explains that the sun is the cause of the Moon’s ability to “glow,” and even managed to use this idea to explain eclipses and lunar phases. (Man, wouldn’t the Incas be shocked to hear his theories?) Anaxagoras spent much time trying to determine the Moon’s origin as well and suggested that perhaps the Moon was actually a piece of rock that the Earth flung into outer space early on in its creation. If that sounds familiar, you’re likely a student of physicist George Darwin (son of THE Charles Darwin), who said essentially the same thing 2,300 years later. MOON SNIPPETZ
Issue 965 - April 2022
DON'T FORGET TO READ THIS ISSUE ABOUT MEMORY LOSS by Lindsey Harrison 
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
– Norman Wisdom, English comedian Memory is a fickle thing. Ask a group of people who witnessed a specific event to describe what happened, and there’s a decent chance you’ll end up with less-than-identical stories. In fact, you might end up with stories that contradict each other. How can that be if – objectively speaking – an event can only happen one specific way? Well, consider for a moment the context in which a person views an event. If, for example, a fellow swim team member named Emily happens to take her knee and smash it into your thigh as you’re walking through the hallway of the hotel at which your swim team is staying during the championship swim meet weekend in Missouri, you may say something like, “You just kneed me in the thigh!” However, Emily’s stance may be (and actually was), “I still maintain that you thighed me in the knee.” Both statements are technically true, but you may remember the situation in a very different way than Emily does. So, what does that mean? Actually, we can’t remember. Just kidding. We remember. We remember that memory is a fickle thing . . . we literally said that in the very first sentence of this entire article. Weren’t you paying attention? Anywho, the point of this incredibly well-written introduction is to gently ease you, dear readers, into an article of epic proportions; one that may leave you in awe at the beautiful turn-of-phrase, while simultaneously teaching you some very important “Snippetz” of information. Want to know more? Keep reading, because it’s about to get crazy up in here! (Probably not, but keep reading anyway). WHAT IS A MEMORY? According to the dictionary (Merriam-Webster, to be exact), “memory” is defined as “the power or process of reproducing or recalling what has been learned and retained especially through associative mechanisms.” At least, that’s one of the definitions. “Memory” has about 10 different definitions. Another appropriate definition is “the store of things learned and retained from an organism’s activity or experience as evidenced by medication of structure or behavior or by recall and recognition.” Ooof. Try to say that three times fast. You get the idea, right? Ok, let’s move on. “MEMORY, ALL ALONE IN THE MOONLIGHT . . .” First things first (I’m the realest), if you don’t know where that quote comes from, either you forgot (ha!) or you are uncultured swine. Ok, that was a joke, guys. Relax. That phrase comes from the musical “Cats” and it seemed like the perfect way to segue into our section about memory loss. Why does it happen? How does it happen? Is there a way to prevent it? Calm yourselves, we’re getting to that. To answer your first question: memory loss is generally to be expected as we age. It’s not fun to think about, but it’s true. Usually, there’s nothing much to be done about it. Memory loss due to aging is just a part of life. However, there are times when memory loss can signal something more serious. But since we’re not doctors and have never claimed to be, we’d rather not list anything that might cause an unnecessary panic. Suffice it to say, if you think there’s more to your (or a loved one’s) memory loss, see your doctor. However, there are times when memory loss can be attributed to factors other than aging or a serious condition like dementia. For instance, the Mayo Clinic has noted that stress, anxiety and depression can all cause forgetfulness. Chronic alcoholism can also impair memory. Medications, minor head trauma or injury, Vitamin B-12 deficiency, and hypothyroidism are all other reversible causes of memory loss. That might sound like an easy situation to remedy, but ask anyone with chronic stress how easy it is to simply stop stressing. It doesn’t happen just like that. If it did, we feel it’s a safe bet to say that 90 percent of people with chronic stress would NOT have that affliction once they heard of that miracle cure called “stop stressing.” It’s kind of the same thing with hypothyroidism. You could theoretically just stop having a thyroid that is underperforming, but again, perhaps there’s more to it. The bottom line is that, if you think your memory loss may be due to something that can’t be easily addressed, or is caused by something prescribed by your doctor, you should definitely talk to you doctor before doing anything drastic to improve your memory. WAIT, WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT? Yes, there are often causes of memory loss that are out of our control, more or less. But there are definitely ways to improve your memory in some instances. For example, let’s say you stayed up until 3:00 a.m. every morning, then had to go to work at 7:00 a.m. You work until 5:00 p.m., come home, and lounge around doing nothing productive and eating candy until 3:00 a.m., then get up at 7:00 a.m. and do it all over again. Maybe, just maybe, your memory loss has to do with a lack of sleep and a poor diet. In that instance, there are actually ways to improve your memory that aren’t terribly drastic, and likely don’t require the supervision of a medical professional. Hold on. We forgot what we were saying . . . oh yes. Ways to improve your memory. The Mayo Clinic (yep, it’s them again) has provided some handy tips on how to improve your memory is relatively easy ways. Check them out:
SUPPLEMENTS SHLUPPLEMENTS This is where things can get a bit tricky. We’ve all seen the “get skinny quick” pills that are peddled on infomercials and Facebook ads. While some of them sound like they could be legitimate, the bottom line is that no pill will make you skinny if you don’t exercise and continue to eat high fat, high sugar, high calorie foods in massive portions. According to very reputable sources, the same hold true for pills that are supposed to improve your memory. Most of the “proof” that these supplements tout is anecdotal, meaning there is no scientific evidence to support the claims. But let’s be real folks; ingesting extract from a jellyfish might sound cool, but ultimately, has no positive effect on memory. However, fish oil (not to be confused with jellyfish extract) has been proven to be effective, but not when taken in supplement form. It’s effective when consumed as part of a regular diet. Does that mean you shouldn’t take the supplement? It’s your call, but studies suggest it may not be worth taking out a second mortgage to pay for the pills. Also, just in case you weren’t already turned off the by idea, some supplements may interact with other medications and the results can be dangerous. So, if you want to take supplements, we say talk to your doctor first. Or, just don’t take them and do something else instead. Whatever, it’s your life. THIS ISN’T A GAME! Life isn’t a game, unless you’re specifically talking about “The Game of Life,” by Hasbro. The good news is, you can improve your life (well, your memory at least) by playing games, and that’s pretty neat, right? Some fairly easy-to-find examples include Sudoku (don’t forget, we literally told you how to win every time in our “Puzzles” article in 2018), or crossword puzzles. Don’t forget that just reading is a huge brain- benefit. So, if we’re being honest, Snippetz is actually helping you become smarter AND keep your memory sharp. Man, we’re good! If you aren’t into games, but want to stay cognitively sharp, make sure to exercise regularly, and stay engaged socially. Probably not on social media though, because – let’s be real – when has social media ever helped anyone, ever? (Kidding, sort of). Issue 966 - May 2022
IT'S TIME FOR BED... A RAISED GARDEN BED THAT IS! by Lindsey Harrison 
“The glory of gardening: hands in the dirt, head in the sun, heart with nature. To nurture a garden is to feed not just the body, but the soul.”
– Alfred Austin, English poet Can you feel it? Can you feel Spring, right around the corner? Of course, this is Colorado, so there’s no counting out an errant snowstorm in the next few weeks, but we’re finally in the home stretch. It may be incredibly tempting to start tilling up the earth in your yard to finally create that vegetable garden you’ve been wanting. The weather’s nice, so why wouldn’t you want to be outside doing something useful and fulfilling? But that’s the thing about Colorado . . . just when you think the world is to awaken from winter, a storm hits that kills everything and everyone. Well, not really. It certainly feels that way when you’ve been not-so-patiently waiting for the season to change. So, what are you supposed to do? You could crawl back into your comfy bed to continue hibernating, or what your doctor may call “a state of clinical depression.” That’s always a viable option. However, as much as Snippetz can get behind the appeal of a good coma every now and then, we also know that sometimes that’s just not feasible. And for that exact reason, we have done some digging (get it?) into ways that you can get your cultivation on, specifically through building a greenhouse or raised garden beds. After all, those are really some of the only ways to get past the unpredictable springtime in the Rockies! WHAT IS A RAISED GARDEN BED? Yes, we know this sounds like a simple thing, but there is definitely someone out there who isn’t 100 percent clear on what a raised garden bed is, and you know what? That’s OK, because we’re here to help. A raised garden bed is simply a garden bed that’s . . . raised. But why must it be raised, you ask? Why can’t it be like all the other garden beds out there. That, dear friends, is the crux of the entire thing. BENEFITS OF THE RAISED BED The raised bed provides a multitude of benefits in comparison to the traditional in-ground bed. For instance, places like Colorado often take longer than perhaps any of us would like for the soil to warm up enough to plant things. A raised bed warms much sooner, allowing you to get your garden started earlier in the year. And what about all that rocky “dirt” we Coloradans call soil? It’s not exactly easy to plant it, what with the seemingly endless supply of random boulders waiting just beneath the surface to bend your shovel in half when you hit it. In a raised bed, you don’t even have to dig if you don’t want to! You can simply put down a weed barrier or even cardboard if you’re not feeling particularly fancy, to keep weeds and roots from killing your precious crops. Then, dump in that soil, baby! Obviously, the type of soil you use will matter, and depending on the type of plant you intend to grow, it can differ from one bed to another. The majority of raised beds do well with the following mix: 60 percent topsoil, 30 percent compost, and 10 percent potting soil. You’ll need to consider what you plan to grow in your bed, since some plants have significantly longer roots. Obviously, the longer the roots will be, the deeper the soil must be, and thus, the more soil you’ll need to purchase! Another benefit to the raised garden bed is that you can truly make use of every square inch in the bed. You’re not having to bend over quite as far or kill your knees by sitting on them while you work. Assuming you’ve put down a weed barrier of some sort or other, you’ll have less weeding to do, so the work can be more of the “I’m planting something!” variety rather than the “I’m trying to keep these alien species from literally killing everything I love!” variety. But maybe that’s something you like, and you know what? We’re not here to judge. Obviously, there are also drawbacks to the raised bed. In particular, if the climate in your area is hot and dry, the bed will dry out faster than if it were in the ground. It’s not a huge issue as long as you’re aware of it, and plan ahead. Also, consider what a massive box of soil might look like to the neighbor’s cat, Fluffy, that they never seem to be able to keep inside. Fluffy might decide your garden looks like a nice, VIP litter box and use it as such. But again, this can be mitigated by creating a covering for the bed. You don’t even have to be creative to do it; they make special covers specifically for raised garden beds. WHAT IS A GREENHOUSE? If you’re feeling like your gardening skills would be wasted on something as easy as a raised bed or two, you may be considering a greenhouse instead. You may have guessed, but a greenhouse is going to take a bit more work to construct. A greenhouse, by definition, is a structure with walls and a roof of a transparent material in which plants are grown. That’s it. Now, hopefully you aren’t already hatching a plan to get a roll of plastic wrap from the kitchen and go make a greenhouse out of it, because . . . well, don’t. Greenhouses are generally used because the plants inside them require certain conditions (temperature, humidity, etc) that can be controlled to meet their needs when the environment in which they live doesn’t meet those needs naturally. What does that have to do with plastic wrap? Well, can you imagine trying to control temperature and humidity inside a plastic wrap house? The correct answer is no, because it would be impossible. BENEFITS OF A GREENHOUSE Like we just mentioned, greenhouses can be incredibly helpful if you intend to grow things that don’t particularly like the arid, high-desert climate of Colorado. And think about all the fruits and vegetables that we can’t find locally; many of them could be grown in a greenhouse so that you don’t have to pay outrageous prices for a peach from Georgia in the middle of winter. And remember your neighbor’s cat, Fluffy? There’s a much smaller chance that he’ll be getting into your greenhouse to use your garden as a litterbox. So that’s neat. Greenhouses tend to make controlling other pests easier as well, which is obviously a big benefit for those of us who aren’t thrilled with finding worms in a freshly picked apricot. Now, what about the drawback to a greenhouse. How about the cost? Whoa, buddy, that’s a big one. Greenhouses, especially if you get a large one (which is actually easier to control the climate in . . . allegedly, anyway), can be pretty pricey. One estimate is that a greenhouse will likely cost at least $500, and that’s just to construct the thing. That’s not including the plants to go inside it, or the cost to maintain it. CAN WE GET SOME GOOD NEWS, PLEASE?? This whole thing is starting to feel a bit “Debbie Downer.” There’s cats pooping in you raised bed, and you drained your kid’s college fund to buy that top-of-the-line greenhouse. What about some tips to make life a bit easier as you go down this innovative gardening road?
Issue 967 - June 2022
OUR TINY PIECE OF THE UNIVERSE: THE SOLAR SYSTEM by Lindsey Harrison 
“One in 200 stars has habitable Earth-like planets surrounding it – in the galaxy, half a billion stars have Earth-like planets going around them – that’s huge, half a billion. So, when we look at the night sky, it makes sense that someone is looking back at us.”
– Michio Kaku, American physicist On a sufficiently clear night in Colorado, you can generally see quite a few stars, especially if you happen to live in an area not plagued by light pollution. Anymore, it feels like those areas are few and far between, but trust us, they do still exist. If by some stroke of luck, you find yourself in one of those locations, take the time to really allow the beauty of the night sky to wash over you. There’s so much out there that we simply don’t know anything about yet, and it’s incredible to consider the sheer size of the universe around us. If that makes you feel a little anxious, you’re in good company. One of the hardest things for this writer to contemplate is the fact that we literally have no idea where “space” ends. So, if the expanse of the universe is a bit too much to consider, maybe this article will quell some of that apprehension since we’re going to focus on our own solar system and the planets within it. After all, there’s quite a lot of interesting things going on in our solar system as we speak. Probably too many for any one human to be able to accurately describe in a decently short period of time so that the rest of humankind doesn’t get too bored and fall asleep. Which is why we at Snippetz know better than to tell you all the amazing things we know about all the fun topics we bring to you in each magazine. Honestly, you should probably be thanking us right about now. But it’s fine. Really. Just keep reading and think about all the things we could be telling you but have chosen not to, simply because we value your time and that makes us incredibly thoughtful, doesn’t it? WHAT MAKES UP OUR SOLAR SYSTEM? Officially, our solar system is comprised of the Sun, the eight planets that orbit around it – Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune – 146 moons, a smattering of comets, asteroids, ice and space rocks, and more than a few dwarf planets. Of course, the designation of some of the items in the solar system have changed over time, like the status of Pluto as first a planet, then a dwarf planet. As our understanding of these celestial bodies evolves, so too does the terms we use to describe them. In general, this evolution is a welcome expansion of our knowledge of the solar system in which we live. However, for some of us, it’s exceedingly frustrating to try to stay on top of the latest and greatest, especially when poor little Pluto, who did nothing wrong, lost its place as a planet. If Pluto is good enough to be the name of Goofy’s dog, then we say it’s good enough to be a planet, dang it. While we may not agree that Pluto was demoted, we understand the motivation behind such a change. The definition of what makes a planet a planet has been refined, and unfortunately, Pluto didn’t cut the mustard. You may be wondering then, what exactly does count as a planet? Here’s the most recent criteria: · A planet must orbit a star, which in our solar system is the Sun · A planet must be large enough to have enough gravity to force it into a spherical shape · A planet must be large enough that its gravity has cleared away other random space objects of a similar size near its orbit around its designated star You’re probably wondering which of the above criteria Pluto fails to meet. If you’re not, maybe you should be paying more attention to this incredible article and less attention to all the other obviously less significant things going on in your life right now. It was actually the discovery of another celestial body similar is size to Pluto that prompted the International Astronomical Union to make changes to the way they categorize objects like Pluto. YOU SAY PLANET, I SAY DWARF PLANET, LET’S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF So, if Pluto is a dwarf planet, and not a regular old planet, what is the world does that mean? Well, let’s take a look back at when it was first discovered, in 1930. At that point, it was noted that Pluto is smaller than Mercury (the smallest planet), and even smaller than some of the moons orbiting the other planets. After years of debating, the IAU decided to settle on a new definition for objects like Pluto that didn’t quite fit the definition of planet, namely that of a “dwarf planet.” This new definition names dwarf planets as a celestial body that orbits around the Sun, has sufficient gravity so that it is forced into a nearly round shape, has not cleared away other random space objects close to its size, and is not a satellite. With that new definition in mind, the IAU officially termed Pluto a dwarf planet on Aug. 24, 2006. Sorry Pluto. We still love you. That’s enough about Pluto. How about some interesting facts about the seven other “real” planets in our solar system (aside from Earth, obviously)? Here we go! MERCURY SNIPPETZ
VENUS SNIPPETZ
MARS SNIPPETZ
JUPITER SNIPPETZ
SATURN SNIPPETZ
URANUS SNIPPETZ
NEPTUNE SNIPPETZ
Issue 968 - July 2022
COME SPEND A WEEK AS A COLORADO TOURIST! by Lindsey Harrison 
“I’m talkin’ about a place where the beer flows like wine, where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talkin’ about Aspen.”
– Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey), “Dumb and Dumber” Having spent 37 years of her life in Colorado, this author can honestly say she never saw the beer flowing like wine in Aspen. However, the sentiment behind that admittedly misguided statement is anything but lost on anyone who has ever spent time in the Centennial State. Which is why is makes sense that we as a first-rate, top-notch, must-read magazine feel like we should give you a peek into what tourist life in Colorado can be like. Now, you may be wondering why we would write about life in Colorado since it’s likely you happen to live here, too. But the operative phrase in this whole thing is “tourist life” because tourist life is very different than regular life. Don’t believe us? When did you become such a cynic? This is why we can’t have nice things. Kidding. Anyway, so here’s the deal: Snippetz, the world-class magazine you all know and love, will be your tour guide for the next 1,300 words or so as we take you on a week-long trek through Colorful Colorado! DENVER Let’s pretend you’re from out-of-state and are flying into Colorado to begin your vacation. Although the Colorado Springs Airport is undoubtedly the less insane of the major airports in the area, Denver International Airport is a larger (and often cheaper) option to start your Colorado journey. Luckily, there are a couple of interesting sights (just a few . . .) to see while you’re in the area. Let’s start with some lunch, since you just landed, and it’s been a long day of travel. You could always grab something from one of the fast-food joints in the airport, but why spend tons of money there when you could check out the world-famous restaurant, Casa Bonita? Located at 6715 W. Colfax Avenue in Lakewood – which is basically Denver, ask any Coloradan – Casa Bonita is less an example of authentic Mexican food you may expect in the Southwest, and more of an experience you must have while in Colorado. There are cliff divers routinely taking the plunge off the waterfall into the pool below, situated conveniently in the middle of the restaurant, so you can enjoy the show while enjoying your food. Oh, and if you’ve ever heard of the T.V. show “Southpark,” the creators of said show have purchased the restaurant . . . we can only imagine what’s in store for customers now! It's unlikely you’ll want to do much after a meal at Casa Bonita, so maybe you hit the hay, then plan to spend the next day at Six Flags Elitch Gardens. What’s Elitch Gardens, you ask? You are definitely not a Coloradan if you even have to ask. But we’ll humor your ignorance, just this once. Elitch Gardens is only the most epic amusement park to ever grace the face of the Earth. Driving along I-25, it’s basically impossible to miss it, but just in case you can’t figure it out, here’s the address: 2000 Elitch Circle. What makes this place so special? Does the name Twister II ring a bell? It’s a classic wooden rollercoaster that was moved from its original location (also in Denver) to where it sits today, and still manages to elicit excited screams and the occasional tossed cookie or two. Is it bumpy? Sure. But is it worth it? Absolutely. COLORADO SPRINGS(ISH) Now that you’ve gotten a taste of Denver life, it’s time to head south on I-25 to Colorado Springs. Along the way, you’ll see Castle Rock with the illuminated star sitting on top, and the Air Force Academy just on the outskirts of Colorado Springs proper. But what’s this? There’s a massive snow-capped peak looming over the town! Will it come to life and kill us all? Perhaps, but not today. That particular peak is called Pikes Peak, also known as America’s Mountain. Topping out at 14,115 ft, Pikes Peak provides views unrivaled in our country, assuming the clouds have cleared away and you can actually see things. Sure, you can book a reservation to drive to the top, but wouldn’t it be more touristy to take the Cog Railway to the summit? That railway departs from Manitou Springs, which may or may not be where a certain author spent a good chunk of her adolescence and young adulthood. Once you reach the top, the newly renovated Summit House has lots of kitschy things to buy, just like a good tourist should. Speaking of Manitou Springs, this cute artsy-fartsy town has eight natural mineral springs interspersed through the area. Each has a distinct taste, one of which is even sort of carbonated! It’s worth the time to wander the town to find them all and have a sip. You won’t be sorry! ASSSSPEN There’s lots more to see in the Colorado Springs area, but there’s even more to see outside of it, so let’s head northwest to Aspen. You may have heard of it, especially in such instant blockbusters like “Dumb and Dumber.” However, no movie depiction could ever really cut the mustard compared to the real thing. Admittedly, Aspen is a bit of an expensive stop on your tourist week in Colorado. Luckily, we found something that won’t break the bank and will still excite the daredevil in you! It’s the Breathtaker Alpine Coaster and it’s amazing. Open most of the year, this elevated alpine coaster winds through about 1 mile of forest terrain at a speed of about 28 miles per hour. It’s low-key enough for most families to enjoy, but different enough to make it on our list of touristy Colorado things to do! GLENWOOD SPRINGS Remember those natural mineral springs we talked about in Manitou Springs? Seriously, it was like two paragraphs ago. You’re gonna have to keep up. Anyway, think about taking one of those ultra-pure springs and filling an entire Olympic-sized swimming pool with the water. That’s what you get at Glenwood Springs. It is literally the World’s Largest Hot Springs Pool. Boasting an assortment of 15 different minerals, the water soothes aches and pains, which you are probably dealing with at this point in your trip, thanks to a couple long car rides and the occasional rollercoaster knock-around. There is really nothing better after a hard couple days of being a tourist. Also located in the Glenwood Springs area are the Glenwood Caverns and some pretty amazing whitewater rafting options. This would be the perfect place to stay and play, especially since you could end every day with a soak in the mineral water. If this particular author wasn’t ensconced in her home in Maine, she would definitely drag the family out to Glenwood Springs this summer! Alas, all she has is the miles and miles of beaches along the “jagged edge” of the U.S. Darn. FLORISSANT FOSSIL BEDS NATIONAL PARK On the way back into the eastern plains area of Colorado, you might consider stopping off at the Florissant Fossil Beds, located in (gasp) Florissant. At first glance, this national park doesn’t look like much. But give it a chance because there is nothing quite like the sight of a petrified redwood tree stump measuring 14 feet in diameter (that means from one side to the other). The fossil beds aren’t just petrified trees, though. The park also features examples of insects and other plants that date back thousands upon thousands of years. It doesn’t hurt that you can take a 14-mile hike through the park to really get your blood pumping. Just remember: if you’re not from a high-altitude place, the air is much thinner and can lead to fatigue much more quickly. Stay hydrated, take it easy, and don’t push yourself too hard; you may end up regretting it! GREAT SAND DUNES NATIONAL PARK Get ready because we’re heading south, near Alamosa and the very perfectly named Mt. Lindsey to the Great Sand Dunes National Park. If you’ve never heard of or seen the sand dunes, they are basically like the Sahara Desert in Africa, but on a much smaller scale. That’s not to say they aren’t impressive in their size; they’re actually the tallest sand dunes in North America. Why would anyone want to go to a sand dune, you ask? Well, Negative Nancy, it’s because they’re cool and there’s a lot of fun to be had. For instance, you can sled down the dunes, basically a summer version of the favorite winter pastime. This park is open all day every day, no reservations needed. Think it sounds too . . . dry? Don’t forget about the Medano Creek, a seasonal stream that runs right near the dunes and consists of snow runoff from the adjacent mountains. It doesn’t get much more pristine than pure mountain water! And the best part is that you can ride down it on an inner tube or other similar floating device when the water is high enough. Nothing like spending a hot day on the dunes, then taking a refreshing dip in the creek! Now that we have officially introduced you to some great touristy things to do during a week in Colorado, get out there and get to having some fun already! Issue 969 - August 2022
THE ARTICLE OF INFAMY by Lindsey Harrison 
“The idea of being famous is a lot better than the reality.”
– Tom Felton, English actor In today’s world of innumerable “influencers” who literally do nothing but create videos of random things that they post online, it’s hard to believe that something like Mr. Felton’s quote from above could possibly be true. If it was, why would everyone spend so much time and effort trying to achieve fame? Although we at Snippetz have never actually experience true fame per se, we are smart enough to know that being famous isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For instance, can you imagine how hard it would be to avoid all those people you didn’t like in high school if you were famous and still living in the same town you graduated from? They’d literally be everywhere, and it would basically be a constant reminder of how awkward those years were. Plus, it would be super hard just to get through the grocery store, because let’s be honest, grocery shopping isn’t exactly the highlight of anyone’s day. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Just don’t try to be famous then.” Valid point. However, sometimes fame is thrust upon someone without their consent, and they end up just having to suck it up. That, friends, is when you aren’t famous . . . you’re infamous! It’s probably not the exact definition of “infamy,” but you get the picture. And we’ve chosen a few of those folks from throughout history to discuss, and ultimately make them even more infamous by keeping their stories going. Can you really blame us, though? Fame is one thing, but infamy is another, and we find it infinitely more interesting. So, buckle up kiddies, because we’re heading back in time to visit some of the more fascinatingly infamous people mankind has ever seen! MARY MALLON Our first subject in the “Article of Infamy” as it were, is Mary Mallon. Now, we know what you’re thinking: if this Mary Mallon is so infamous, how come we’ve never heard of her? Well, smarty pants, does the name “Typhoid Mary” ring a bell? Of course it does, and if it doesn’t it just means you only care about yourself, and that’s a problem we simply can’t help you with. Anyway, Mary Mallon and Typhoid Mary are, in fact, one and the same. You may be wondering how she came to be known by such an unsavory name, and to that we say, calm down; we’re getting there. Mary Mallon was born in Ireland in 1869, and as many people in Ireland did around that time, she emigrated to the United States in either 1883 or 1884. Now, in those days, it wasn’t uncommon for wealthier families to employ multiple people from the lower classes to work in their homes as butlers, maids, cooks, nannies, etc. Mary Mallon was one such person who snagged a job as a cook in 1906 for the wealthy New York banker, Charles Henry Warren, for his summer rental in Oyster Bay. During Mary’s tenure at the Warren’s vacation residence, 10 other people were also present in various capacities. Of those 11 total people, 6 eventually came down with typhoid fever, sometime between August 27 and September 3. While 6 out of 11 people doesn’t exactly sound like an outbreak, especially as we muddle through our third year of COVID-19, there are a few important pieces of information to keep in mind. Firstly, typhoid fever was fatal in about 10 percent of all cases at that time, so it was pretty scary. Secondly, Mary Mallon herself never actually showed symptoms of the malady, so it took much longer to pinpoint her as the source of the outbreak. Thirdly, by the time Mary was identified as “Patient Zero” so to speak, she had served as a cook for eight different families, spreading the illness all along the way. Due to the incredibly contagious nature of disease, Mary was eventually quarantined in a cottage for 2 years, but found a sympathetic ally in the new health commissioner of the New York Department of Health, who felt Mary deserved another chance. The goal was for Mary to find suitable employment outside of being a cook, but Mary wasn’t interested, and went straight back to working in the kitchen of Sloane Maternity in Manhattan. In three months at the maternity home, Mary infected at least 25 people, two of whom died. All in all, by the time Mary died in 1938, she had been positively connected to at least 122 cases of typhoid, resulting in 5 deaths, and spent 26 years in isolation. She became the butt of many satirical cartoons and jokes, having achieved infamy by simply not washing her hands properly. VLAD THE IMPALER Our next subject in the “Article of Infamy” is Vlad the Impaler. Born as Vlad III Dracula, he was born in 1431 in Wallachia, one of three regions that made up present-day Romania. The “Dracula” is derived from the Latin word “draco”, which means dragon, and basically equates to “the son of Dracul.” This is fitting considering he was the son of Vlad II Dracul, named as such when he was inducted into the Order of the Dragon, a group created by the Holy Roman Emperor Sigismund and known for defending Christian Europe from the Ottoman Empire. Now, that is a whole lot of background to simply say that Dracula is a real guy, although he may or may not be the same Dracula we’ve all come to know and love. Well, those of us with twisted personalities, that is. Anyway, Vlad spent many years fighting to regain family’s powerful position following his father’s assassination in 1447. Having finally achieved that in 1456, he began to rule with an iron fist, and that’s when he became known as Vlad the Impaler due to his penchant for impaling his enemies on stakes stuck in the ground, then left to slowly die. Depending on his mood, the stake could be either sharp to quickly dispatch of his victim, or rounded to prolong their agony. Sounds like an absolute peach, doesn’t he? Overall, Vlad is alleged to have killed about 80,000 people, 20,000 of whom were impaled. With a track record like that, it’s easy to see how someone like writer Bram Stoker could be inspired to create a blood-thirsty vampire of the same name. Well, at least the Dracula part of the name. You may be thinking that Vlad surely didn’t become infamous unintentionally as Mary Mallon had, given that he repeatedly slaughtered men and women alike in an incredibly gruesome manner, and we are inclined to agree. However, the infamous part (at least in our minds) is the fact that Vlad likely never fed on human blood, and certainly wasn’t able to turn into a bat as Dracula is said to have been able to do. And it’s also unlikely Vlad would be pleased with the recent depiction of vampires as teen heartthrobs, given that he was the inspiration behind the whole Dracula-vampire obsession. But hey, that’s the thing about infamy; you don’t get to choose what it looks like. It probably doesn’t help that Vlad became the subject of various pieces of literature with titles like “The Frightening and Truly Extraordinary Story of a Wicked Blood-drinking Tyrant Called Prince Dracula.” Even if he hadn’t ever actually done any of the nasty things he did, Vlad the Impaler probably never stood a chance of not becoming infamous for the story of his life. H. H. HOLMES Last but not least in our “Article of Infamy” we have H. H. Holmes. Born Herman Mudgett in New Hampshire in 1861, Holmes made a name for himself as the first serial killer in the United States. Of course, he didn’t set out to become infamous for those dastardly deeds. In fact, Holmes attended medical school and may have fully intended to live a normal, boring life. However, once he moved to Chicago in 1886, Holmes officially began calling himself H. H. Holmes, shedding the Mudgett name, and began killing people. He even built what has come to be known as “Murder Castle,” a house armed with various ways to kill unsuspecting guests, including gas jets and trapdoors. You may be wondering why we chose such an obscure person to include in this “Article of Infamy,” and we are fully prepared to defend our decision. First of all, this author happens to live in Maine (remember?) and it just so happens that the Mudgett name is alive and well here. In fact, this author is on a first-name basis with a direct descendent of H. H. Holmes, nee Herman Mudgett, and we think that’s pretty cool. Secondly, there is a very intriguing theory that H. H. Holmes was not just one infamous character, but two. Here’s why: Holmes spent a chunk of time in England during the same time that Jack the Ripper was killing prostitutes in the White Chapel district of London. Allegedly, while Holmes was away, the murders in Chicago stopped, and when he left London, the murders in the White Chapel district stopped. Coincidence? Maybe. But what’s more intriguing than the idea of two of history’s most infamous killers being the same man? We submit that nothing is. So you see, infamy comes in all shapes and sizes, which is why we believe mankind is so desperately preoccupied with anyone who has achieved such status! |
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